everythings just...

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idk why i am on this planet. i just have no reason to be here. everythings out of order. im tired of shuting down, im tired of crying, im tired of getting mad, when people argue with me, theres always a flaw in it and i catch it and win. i think so much out the box and people dont like that, i have absolutely non talent to do anything. school is a disaster.....im prob gonna fail 9th again, i hide so much where people dont see anything, nobody can see all types of anxiety at work, nobody can see how my feelings are like glass, nobody can see how i see things, nobody can see that i am mentally unstable im pretty sure of that, nobody can see my mind, nobody can see the depression. people say what they want to me, without thinking of my feelings....but on the other side of the street(metaphor) i care so much about peoples feelings and try to keep people happy, every decision i make towards someone i think of their feelings but and ik i should worry about myself but also comes anxiety of what the outcome will be, anyways...people are always telling me to listen but people need to start listening to me, only person i have that i trust with everything is my girlfriend..i tried so much to think posotive but how can i think postive if theres nothing good to think about me, i wish i could speak up but the autism and anxiety is like wall that wont break, i want the world to give me a chance, but instead nobody cares, i wish i could be normal, be apat of something, do something productive but i cant because depession is like a monster who attacks me whenever i try to climb out the grave. whenever i think im up, its just an illusion...but then i wake up...im still in the frave and it starts all over again. i only truly love one girl and thats it. im always living on the edge. only reason i dont jump is because im afraid of what at the botom. i feel like i dont belong here. i dont no what to do. i dont wanna live but im afraid to die. i wish people could see, how i see things how i feel etc. theres alot more but im not gonna ramble anymore

Frankly... I feel the same (and have said so sometime, somewhere) about myself. I already see there are some very worthwhile things about you that you've not given credit to. You've mentioned your skill in logic --this is no small thing! Being able to think logically is immensely empowering in life as you're much less likely to accept anything unfounded. This can save you from losing money, relationships, making poor decisions, etc..

Add creativity to your denied talents since you're an "outside the box" thinker as well. I also see from the way you write, that you spend time thinking, questioning, evaluating in an overarching sense. I humbly feel you ought to give yourself some due credit, especially if others aren't granting it to you already.

If depression is getting in the way, it might be good to check out some medications. Give yourself the best chance to succeed.