Do you wear a "mask" when around people?

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Quite simple question at first, but I think this is more complex than it seems.

I've realised that great part of my social anxiety is caused by the fact that I "have" to wear a mask when around people. I don't feel anxious around the few people in which I feel comfortable with, because I don't need to wear this mask.


So, another question is: how would you act and socialize without this mask?

The reason I ask this is because sometimes when I get angry this mask kinda falls off and I feel more confident in a state like "I don't care if people will like me or not". And in these times I get VERY asocial.
It's like if my true self is really not interested in talking to people or smiling at them to make they like me.
My true self really don't care about them but also has no fear of their judgement.

So my conclusion is that this mask I wear (the nice guy who shows interest for people) is very different from my true self, which makes me very tired of wearing it. Like a basketball player that has to play the role of a soccer player and actually play a soccer match.
Sometimes I just can't play this role. The pressure is so strong that I get closed inside myself wanting to perform this mask efficiently, but since I can't I get really anxious.
Actually my social anxiety seems to be about "will I perform my role/mask good enough this time? Because if I don't people will look at me with that evil judging eyes!".


hmm... well that's it. Would like to know you guys and girls thoughts about this. Share your experiences, etc.

Yes, a mask's been there for me so long, I can't really imagine what it would be like to lack that buffer between my personality and the observations of strangers, peers, colleagues, etc... I think I need it to function and at least feel like I can stay on track in most conversations, as if I'd been quickly handed a pre-arranged script. People in the real world don't get a good impression of me easily, they more often than not avoid me unless they want something. It'll be hard travelling up the country for a few days on my field trip with other students of my uni, but already feel I'm 'rehearsing' the small talk aspect of being clumped together in big groups of people.
The times I have felt myself, without a mask and actually confident are rare, but at least the positive memories they make tend to stick around.

I wear a mask too around most people. I find that there is always that line between being yourself and revealing too much. I would love for everyone to know the real me and be accepting of that, but there is a lot of stigma surrounding autism and for me, I don't think it would be helpful if everyone around me knew this about me. However, I find that it really helps to have a close circle of friends who do know and who are okay with me taking off my mask and helping navigate the world as me. Having those people to relax with really helps rejuvenate me so that I have the strength to go out and do it all again.

I wear a mask when I'm around my family. I have to leave Germany at my place because my mum has a condition called High School Syndrome that makes it hard for her to accept me as I am. I play the Anglo Canadian when I'm with any of my family members. If I fall off the line that I make myself toe, it all goes back to my mum when I'm with family.

Yeah, and also when I'm not around people. I know longer know the man behind the mask, and I'm not sure I care to.

I wasnt diagnosed until I was in my 40s. I get tired of the constant pressure to meet the expectations of all the boring people who control the world.

Sometimes I slip out of the mask and I overwhelm people with the intensity.

I don't care to at all, even if I could hide anything.

I have several 'masks', and have trouble know what my true personality is. My family forced me to 'mask' from a young age by punishing me for seeming ND, so I don't think my real personality has been able to develop. This worries me.

My masks:
Social and confident - needs to be forcibly installed by me, and needs constant 'inspiration' (for want of a better word) to keep going; can slip if I become stressed, and is tiring to keep up, has over-exaggerated inflection with Australian accent
Robot - can sometimes install itself if I am being forced to follow orders by people who I don't trust (mostly my parents), renders me incapable of personal opinions and emotion, is extremely literal, helps to insulate me from overwhelming stimuli, has monotonous voice of uncertain accent
Cold - can either be installed, or installs itself in times of emotional stress, reduces capacity for empathy, does not physically display emotion, except for crying sometimes, is very logical, has British RP accent

I have more for other situations, which I will not describe. Most have different accents and styles of verbal expression. Should I be worried?

Oops

Last edited by goatfish57 on 13 Mar 2017, 5:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

I sometimes put effort into being less withdrawn when with my relatives. It's not easy to maintain for very long though. I slip back into my regular self without realizing it.

Once upon a time ago I used to wear a mask as well but I just snapped one day and thought "f**k it!" no more personas. You should be allowed to be yourself in this one existence you get, and if people don't like who you really are then sod them, find people who will. There's no one with a ball and chain saying you have to talk to this/that person even if you cannot stand the sight of them. There's bound to be other people who are like the real you a lot, it's not all just fakery with every single person.

I mean, there's being polite for the sake of not being an arse, but I don't think that's a persona thing, I just think people should add polite/civilness to their real personality anyway.

Actually, I have to deal with this issue at work almost everyday as a college professor. Said person is a good friend of my boss and uses that to his full advantage. I have been "talked to" by my boss because of what the other guy had said about me, even when the guy was clearly wrong.

As for the mask issue: I do use a couple of masks when I am around other people. Very few friends get to see the real "me".

I wasn't really talking about employment though, that's a whole other barrel of laughs. In a working environment it's pretty obvious you have to conform to their standards for fear of losing your job. Personal life however, I see no reason that you can't just be yourself. Though I definitely disagree on adding people from work to like Facebook or whatever, cause they're work people who shouldn't really have anything to do with your personal life for fear of losing your job if you posted something controversial and they didn't like it, then told your boss for example. I work for myself though so I often forget people deal with these things.

I guess in that situation you're having at work though you just have to conform so he won't complain and you can keep your job. It sucks having to do what they say but that's why you're employed, you're doing something for someone else so a certain behaviour is expected. Good luck with it anyway.

This used to be a permanent mask for me, now it's detectable.

This is a universal human experience, not an Aspie thing.

We Wear the Mask
Paul Laurence Dunbar, 1872 - 1906

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile
And mouth with myriad subtleties,

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but oh great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile,
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!