Naturally Quiet

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Does anyone here get accused of being shy, when in fact it's just a case of not having anything to say a lot of times, particularly in groups? I think perhaps, social anxiety and shyness can develop as a result of being left out etc. but being quiet is not the same as lack of confidence. Take any leading action hero for example, if only we could getaway with the Clint Eastwood style persona in real life.

I've been told that I am very quiet, and I should honestly try to speak more, but I've always had trouble speaking with others. I've also been called an "introverted extrovert".

Yeah I get that introverted extroverted thing. I like hanging around people but don't speak a lot other than hello, how's it going etc.

Me, a lot.

Does anyone here get accused of being shy, when in fact it's just a case of not having anything to say a lot of times, particularly in groups? I think perhaps, social anxiety and shyness can develop as a result of being left out etc. but being quiet is not the same as lack of confidence. Take any leading action hero for example, if only we could getaway with the Clint Eastwood style persona in real life

yes, more than once, someone told me that i was "shy".

of course, they did not know about autism.

granted, it is not illegal to tell me i am "shy". and being "shy" is not a bad thing necessarily. (fine). but, as usual, those big egoed extroverts are so judgmental.

when i say something they do not like, they say "shut up".

then they say "you talk too much."

they comment "you sound like a boy". "you sound like a girl." "you look like a boy". "you look like a girl."

with the exception of young children, quite frankly they ought to know better. they act like just b/c i am not cisgender or neurotypical, i must not have rights or emotions.

likewise, someone had the nerve to ask me "why are you so quiet?". ok, talk only when they want me to talk. say only what they want me to say.

and who is wasting 15 dollars an hour on me?

the other thing is that, when i was younger, i was not as quiet as now. maybe about the same as other children.

but after numerous, intense social rejection, of various forms, i became more quiet. thus, i am not "naturally quiet". but just that i am afraid of a lot of things. and i hate a lot of precious little "people".

vice versa, though, sometimes it gets on my nerves how some bozos act like every time they have a thought or emotion, it is the latest, greatest scientific invention.

they are totally full of themselves. and i fear and hate them.

Absolutely, most people who know me at a superficial level think I'm shy. But people who know me better know that I'd just rather listen than talk and that if I have something I want to say, I'll have no problem saying it (most of the time). Although it can be annoying when the people who know you're not shy push you to talk more, trying to be nice and show they care about you, but it's stressful because you genuinely can't think of anything to say.

Yes, I can very much relate to being shy and quiet, especially in groups. However, I think I'm getting better at speaking up for myself and with going up to people and saying "Hi". I used to not be able to do that. But I'm still shy and quiet to an extent. I, too, wish I could have the persona of Clint Eastwood, but I guess I'll have to settle with the way I am. It's ok though, it makes me unique and special.

I don't think anybody has said "You're quiet" towards me, but their is social anxiety inside any autistic person.

To think point where people have questioned if I had the ability to speak. Not that bad anymore but still, if I have nothing to add then there is nothing to say. Therefore I am mostly quiet.

It depends on the group. I childhood after the Navy transferred Dad to a new city I was considered very quiet during first year in new school. After what I guess was a year of observing how things work I was more involved the next year but still considered on the quiet side.
How I ended up working retail as long as I did, and surviving with any shred of sanity left, remains a mystery, but I did see where interacting with customers was good for business so I did. And that was very easy to do when I worked in the hobby industry, they were speaking my language!
After work I went home and was quiet - often quiet enough that my apartment neighbors sometimes wondered if anyone lived there.

I get the "you've been quiet" a lot in groups. Truth be told, I used to be shy and had anxiety/fear of judgement by others of my voice (my actual voice, the tone, etc.) as well as my ideas. But now I think I'm just brain dead. I get too distracted thinking of how much I want to leave the situation, while not thinking of anything at all ... if that makes sense.

Yes, this what I've been saying all along. I'm not shy and never was, I don't have social anxiety, and I've never lacked confidence prior to my diagnosis in my early 30's.
I just hardly ever have anything to say, nor a need to say it. I'm as quiet one on one as I am in groups though. I just don't have anything much to say. If I do have something to say, I don't have a problem saying it.

It's not that I wven dislike small talk I just find the fast moving talk in groups difficult. I think at fiest I can appear incredibly social bug I wonder if it's a subconsious script, as I can't keep it up past the initial stages of interactions.

NT's can be quiet too I imagine but not on the same level. My girlfriend says my somewhat quietness is attractive in a dark kind of way, so that's good lol

I've always been quiet and always will be. People will think I'm weird whether I force myself to talk or not.

I get the "introverted extrovert" too. Check out the term "ambivert".

I am quiet with people I do not know, and usually more talkative with people I do know. This leads to people who don't know me assuming I'm shy, and people who do know me, when they encounter me in a group of people I don't know, to comment "you were quiet today".

I can be quite outspoken with strangers as very basic social communication is all that's needed earlier on.