Lonelines, Isolation, Inability to Express Pain

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So title says it all. Do any of you experience loneliness, isolation, or an inability to express pain? I always struggle with finding people who are willing to discuss existential trouble. I'm incredibly, unexplainably lonely and I feel like I'm surrounded by people who don't want to confront reality from a philosophical standpoint, and just want to live for other reasons. I feel like either people around me are grounded to a limited and "blissfully ignorant" reality by socio-psychological traits that I don't have. I've debated becoming religious because it gives me easy answers.

My theory: Everyone else is busy connecting with others, so they feel no need to analyze the very fabric of the universe and understand things from an unhuman perspective, but I find myself consistently getting lost in dark holes of existential crisis. I don't know if it counts as depression because it's caused by something, but I get almost catatonic because I feel like I experience everything at once. I don't have the social bonds necessary to "keep me on the ground" as they say.

Also, like the "positive" aspergers interests I get a negative one which I was diagnosed with OCD for. It's always been odd things. I spend a couple years obsessing over something like spiders or throwing up, and the most recent one and one I'm experiencing right now is existence. It is life crushing and dominates every faucet of thinking because I feel like I've reached an end of a progression of thoughts and can never fix what I can't stop thinking about.

What are your thoughts? Any help for this?

My thoughts are that the title succinctly describes how I'm feeling. As for why neurotypical people aren't into analyzing the depths of nature recreationally, you might be right on the whole 'connection' thing. When they're wrapped up in the flow of oxytocin and dopamine produced out of positive social exchanges, last thing they're thinking about is fractals.

I get stuck in this mindset quite frequently...to the point where I have trouble sleeping at night. I unfortunately haven't been able to wrap my head around the whole religion thing, so there are no easy answers for me. My parents are very Catholic and whenever a question about such things comes up, they just explain it somehow easily with religion. I actually get jealous of their ability to stop worrying about it and just go on with their lives. I totally understand. I'm in a constant existential crisis, and it's made worse by the fact that I don't know how to put myself in other peoples' shoes,so it makes me upset that I can't figure out if these things bother them too, or if they just somehow shut it off...or if I just let things get to me too much. I understand, believe me. Even though I do have people to talk to, I do always feel lonely..and I don't know how to express to people how much mental anguish I am constantly in. Every night I'll sleep for about an hour, then wake up for about three, then I'll drift off for maybe a half hour, then wake up for four hours...It's enough to drive me mad

Somehow, when confronted with an existential crisis I have a part of me that is always affirming. I would rather there be something that holds no meaning than there to be nothing. I think that's why Nietzsche became my prevailing special interest, I like the thought that we are supposed to create value and the best values are those that affirm our existence.

When it comes to loneliness, I have no good answer. I was lucky and found someone but even then it feels like 'infinite distances' between the closest of people as Rilke said but there was also something about loving the distance between one another too.

I found the quote:
"But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.” -Rainer Maria Rilke

That perspective helped me with the people that were close to me even before I found my wife. I didn't understand why I felt such a distance was always there until my diagnosis but looking at it this way helped me cope.

How old are you?

I used to feel exactly the way you do, but throughout my adult life I've moved around the UK and lived in different areas. Every where I've lived I've met at least 1 person like me and i've kept in touch with each of those people.

Often they find me and befriend me rather than me being required to make the effort. Maybe Nd women socialise differently from NT women so we just "know" when we start talking to each other that we are the same kind of people.

I think ND men are possibly less able to make these sorts of connections. I find ND women will just talk about what really interests them I.e. What books or articles they've read, what their special interests are, and if they meet someone who actually engages in that kind of talk rather than looks at the like they're weird, they know I'm one of them and we just get along.

I do find Nd men more difficult to meet and befriend or date. I don't know why.