Support group fears

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Being 25 and Diagnosed W/asperger's a year ago it ocurred to me that I never have met an autistic or Aspergant person EVER.
I found online a support group to join 35 miles from my house. It is once a month and on one of my days off. I shouldn't feel afraid, yet I do. I don't do well in social interactions of a face to face type. I find that I can't postulate that which I feel to other people. I am quite nervous about going for I will not be able to take my older brother with me for the first time because he is going to be out of town. I would like to presume that the aspergant members of the group and the parents there-of would accept me as I am with-out my grandiose terminologies getting in the way however throughout my life I haven't received a positve first impression from any one. I am considered rude, aloof, arrogant, and at times quite "mentally challanged" although I don't consider myself any of these. I am sure I will go however I could use some advice on how to make a positve first impression prior to going.
The group is saturday morning.

I am open to any advice possible.
Mark T. Pierce

I can partiarly answer this one.
I personally haven't met a confessed
aspie before until today. I was
picking up a book called
"The World of a Autistic Child"
at Border's on Powell and Post.

The cashier was a girl who was
flighty in words and unsure in
character. She said are you
studying Asperger's? I said
I was doing a study on autism.

She said she originally diagnosed
as Asperger's, and I said I am
HFA. I had a learning disability
when I was younger, and as
we are talking the supervisor
was looking at her.

I gave her this website and my
site name(Ghosthunter) and she
briefly said that she tried Oasis.

She briefly said that she was
rediagnosed but had to go to
back to her job.

Things about her:

1)...Flighty eye contact
2)...Curiosity in meeting
a Autistic person like myself
3)...Unsureness what to say
4)...brief, unsure type
movements like she
embarrased saying
this to a total stranger.

I told her at one point
I work at Quizno's on
Geary and my name is
(insert name)!

Hmmmmm? The major
difference is the NT's that
would love to chuck me
from that Border's exude
a silent energy confidence.

The Aspergers teenager
was ommiting unsure and
unique energies that I rarely
have experienced.

.......Another observational
scene came from the train
back from Sunnyvale.

"hypersensitivies in sound
and covering of ears is often
refered to in books I have
examined."

5 children, 1 mother,
leaving the train in
Burlingame, and the 1 out
five child was desparately
trying to block out the
train sound by covering
her "hypersensitive" ears
with her hands.

Hmmmmm?
Ghosthunter

I spent a few moments on Oasis and didn't feel it was worthy of my time. It didn't seem to have any true answers.
I see all too many sites devoted to the helping parents of younger aspergants and VERY few for those who live within the gossemeer of Autism/asperger's

Mark T. Pierce

Since you are new here, are
you finding this more of a
pg17 level(mature level)
experience, and something
you find worth persuing?

Hmmmmm?
Ghosthunter

P.S...PG17 is a type
of questioning and
dialogue with less
restricitive tendency.

So far this is definitly the best site I have stumbled upon. I simply cannot find any worth what-so-ever in the other sites.

Mark T. Pierce

I don't know what advice you should take from people here, and mark me if I'm wrong but... many Aspies aren't nice people to be around. I certainly wouldn't be able to tolerate being in the same room with myself, oh no! And seriously, I wouldn't expect it to be the glorious Care Bears revelation that NTs can have when gathering in groups. There is a vast majority of loners among HFAs, and I can testify that when you have a fixation, and someone else has a fixation, trying to socialize is an exercise in patience. I'd advise more seeking out groups for which you share one of your interests, but it probably couldn't hurt to meet some Aspies too. It's an external thing that binds us together: society judging us and treating us wrong for being different. In a social vacuum like a meeting specifically for Aspies, it might be hard to find common ground.

It depends a lot on your expectations. NTs expect a level of interaction that just doesn't materialize and they find us annoyingly self-centered, etc. When I spend time with my AS friend, though, we both know what to expect. We don't have a common perseverative interest so the conversations often get pulled back and forth between topics, but we usually find enough common ground to have a good time together. It probably helps that we met as teens.

Synx13 and Jetson, I find your points quite interesting. The only aspie I know in real life is my girlfriend Hilary. If an NT were observing our relationship, (s)he would likely notice many levels of interaction missing, most notably mutual mind reading. But this is exactly what I like - no more guessing and assigning imaginary intentions to my words, getting offended, calling me rude. It's similar with few aspies with whom I correspond online. For NTs I am a rude guy, irritating and not nice to have around, but aspies do not seem to perceive this "rudeness". Also, since many of us are social rejects, we are less likely to rely on first impression, and tend to forgive social mistakes that a prospective friend makes. At least this is true about myself.

Trying to imagine an aspie meetup, I get somewhat uneasy. For me, an event intended only for socializing has the value of the food on the table. I can't understand why people meet only to mingle and talk. I like much more meetings that have some purpose: sightseeeing, hiking, biking, building something, playing a game, etc. I am no sure if this is an aspie thing or just my preference.

I might know someone who's AS or HFA. Anyways, I've never knowingly met an Aspergant (love that name). I think a conversation with myself would be argumentive. I have pseudo internal split personality. I sometimes have an argumentive conversation with myself inside my head. It gets really interesting. Going on, if it's anything like talking with yourself, I'd go. If it turns out to be for parents, turn tail and run for your life, parents... ...





The parents thing was sarcasm if you hadn't figured it out yet.

Pierce, I have actually begun attending an Asperger Meetup Group here in St. Louis for Aspies and parents. However, there is now an aside group to the main one just for the Aspies to hang out. There are only four of us now who have met in person and I must say, I was fairly worn out by the near-mania of one individual. Also, Neanthumain is a member of the group (he is a Wrong Planet member as well) and we have met a couples times and are getting along great it seems (the group is in its utmost infancy). I must say I am very happy to have gone to the meetings, especially the social group meetings.

I would say go and just try and act as naturally as you can (though I know it is difficult). I should think with a moderator and parents there you won't be left out. And if they see that that is happening, they will undoubtedly try harder to include you. Most groups try to give equal time/attention to its members.

A little confidence is also a good thing to try to have if you can muster it. The worst thing is it'll just be another experience, and the best thing is you'll make some more friends and contacts. Good luck!

Well, don't forget that a number of other peopel at this support group meeting will have the exact same fears as you. That's why they're there. For support found in a common experience.

I've met several younger men and a man who is about my age with AS. I also met a woman who might have had AS but didn't find her that easy to talk to.

The man around my age works in the same department as I do and often comes across as arrogant and overbearing. I usually get on okay with him but one day he said something that hurt my feelings and I burst into tears but that was because he was parroting off some stuff about socialising that I didn't feel up to doing at that time.

I go to an Autism support group in my city - mostly it is for parents but there are a couple of young men who go there too. I now get on very well with one of them since he has said he's experienced so many things that I have too. I can understand a lot of stuff he's gone through because I had to face it too eg. being pressured to look for a job, being misunderstood.

I certainly wouldn't agree with the statement that all AS people are hard to get along with. It is a real delight to speak with my friend with AS or communicate via e-mail. I think he had doubts about me at first because I get very intense emotions at times and was going through a fair amount of turmoil at work at the time.