The Voice that says I'm fine and I don't really have ASC.

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Does anyone who's been diagnosed have regular moments when you're convinced you're actually fine and there's been a huge misunderstanding, or you may have purposefully exaggerated your answers at the diagnosis sessions? This voice is one of the most baffling things about myself.

I love being autonomous, oops I mean me, oops I mean autistic, but what the heck is it? No one can, in reality, define the self because it doesn't really exist. Tell me where 'you' are.

Love
JonnyDee

What is ASC?

I have ASD and I'm fine.

"Autism Spectrum Condition"

^ I've never heard it called that before.

Great to hear that.
I suppose that's why it's increasingly referred to as a condition (ASC).

I did at first and for about a year and a half after. Unlike many I didn't seek out a diagnosis for autism. While I did want to know what was "wrong" with me why I had difficulties that seemed greater than what others experienced, ASD wasn't even on my radar as they say. I just thought I wasn't trying hard enough, had depression and anxiety, and was a social moron as far as interacting with others. When it was first broached with me by my therapist at the time I didn't believe it. It took three doctors and an arduous process of assessments, reassurance, and my own self actualization to conclude it was accurate.

The assessments were semi blind as far as what answers scored towards ASD. I also had tests that ruled out other things that could be mistaken for ASD. So I never had a fear of over exaggerating my responses. As well my scores for my self assessment were lower than those of the people who know me and took the same questionnaires. They were within the same range just the lower end of it. Overall it was hard to deny the evidence, however I did still feel like there was a mistake.

I learned how ASD presents, I am very stereotypical in it's presentation. Being able to physically see others that presented the same way helped reassure me that I fit on the spectrum. As I am very self aware of my presentation and behaviors. That may help for you. I didn't go by online content, as I found it to be unreliable and conflicting. I did however visit the library and read a lot, which helped me understand that what I experienced and experience is typical to individuals with "late" ASD diagnosis rather than atypical comparatively.

Here are some book recommendations that I found useful:

Living Well on the Spectrum by Valerie Gaus,
Pretending to be Normal: Living with ASD by Liane Holliday Willey

As with anything there needs to be a healthy amount of skepticism and applying things that fit and throwing out what doesn't, however they were helpful. There were many others, however I didn't keep track and those are the two I was first recommended by the psychologist. I didn't care for the individual stories, but some people do, authors such as John Elder Robison provide their own experiences and musings around ASD. I like facts better and can relate to them over other's experiences so you may find the opposite true or even a combination. So don't limit yourself.

Eventually as you accept the diagnosis you will hopefully begin to realize as I did that you don't need to be as hard on yourself or try so hard. You may find your troubles accepting the fact that you have ASD is common, maybe not, I hope you continue to try to discover which is true for yourself.

Hope that helps.

Yes. All the time. Especially since my diagnosis wasn't as crazy lengthy as some of what others have been through and because I came to the conclusion myself first before seeking the diagnosis. I have really good days where I think hey, I'm blending in fine, no one can tell, maybe it was really all in my head. But then there are the other moments, the ones where I struggle and think, it's no way this hard for neurotypical people. Where I manage to fail spectacular in ways unfathomable to other people. Where neurotypical people have told me that my thought processes are completely alien to them.

So it comes and goes. But the most important thing is that it makes sense, it makes the pieces fit together in a way that helps me navigate the world better and helps other people who know communicate and get along with me better. Even for people who don't have that formal diagnosis or whatever, if making sense of yourself and the world using the framework of having Autism works, then why not use it?

i have as much in common with a schizoid spectrum disorder as i do with an autism spectrum condition.

Never thought of it as a "voice" before. Interesting phrasing. But, yes, I have had doubts about my diagnosis before, especially since many of the symptoms I presented in childhood and adolescence have started to wane in adulthood. At the same time, other people in my family (my parents in particular) don't have any doubts about my diagnosis and are often a bit surprised by my doubts. This might be because they have an outsider's prospective and thus see more symptoms that I might not notice (like rocking back and forth when I'm focusing on things, or lack of eye contact, or reactions to certain stimuli).

^^^^ hiya ShelbyRB welcome to WP

Hi all, enjoying the replies so far, thanks.

"Autism + environment = outcome". (Dr.Luke Beardon)

So what if we lived in a fully integrative and harmonious community?

This would mean ultimately that autism would not exist.

Am I really inseparable from my neurotypical and often ableist society and if so, is it possible I will never be free of autism in this context? Because only by accepting I am at a 'disadvantaged minority' (for example) can I continue to perpetuate the condition known as autism. I cannot even state I will be free of a condition as long as my society accepts that condition exists for I AM my society. Whether I am autistic or NT, the fact autism exists as a concept in society, we will continue to create this self-fulfilling prophecy. No?

So you're a victim of your society? That seems rather diluted to me.

IF you truly believe that this is out of your control and that it's a detriment to your existence, then my heart breaks for you as I can not imagine a sadder lonelier place to be in mindset.

When I have had my doubts about ASD it has never been about bieng "fine". It has been the voice saying your just an as*hole.

Only to the degree that each and everyone is a victim and a conqueror at the same time and yes we are all alone and all together in this too. The sympathy really isn't necessary though, thank you, I'm OK with it.

I know i have autism. some times I do think why me.