Hard to describe this...Existing in a separate dimension?

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It's hard to explain it, but somehow i always feel entirely shocked when faced the the understanding that other people notice me or think about me, or that i am a factor in others lives similar to the way that they are a factor in mine. Not sure if this is a struggle with empathy, or more of a self-worth issue, or simply an autistic mindset that goes with the "i'm from another planet" thing. It can be literally likened to existing on another planet or plane or dimension or something... I just can't wrap my head around the idea that another person thinks about me, or is reminded of me by specific things, or considers things that i've said, or fondly remembers nice things that i've done or said, or feels upset about ways that i've offended them, etc etc.

It's almost like I think of other people like characters on a tv show, and i can know all about them but they can't possibly know me or be affected by my existence. When people say that they talk about me to their significant other, or think of me when a certain thing happens, or tell their friends about me because they think that they would like me, i'm utterly shocked. It makes me feel really really happy, but it's so hard for me to comprehend. It's like I must think I'm invisible or something.

When i really think about, it it also feels like maybe the whole thing is just a total 2 year old mentality, like the whole world happens around ME and everything is there for my viewing and observation and nothing else exists except what I perceive. Like a total lack of empathy and not understanding that there are results of all of my actions. But I do understand that my actions have results I and i often behave accordingly, it's just that i can't understand that I as a human can matter to someone else when i am not present with them. It's weird and confuses me when I try to break it down x_x

Does anyone have this kind of sensation?

I think this may be a theory of mind thing.

I have real trouble with the idea that other people exist and do things, think things etc. when they're not in my presence. I'm at home right now; if I try to imagine what one of my acquaintances might be doing at this moment somewhere else, I can't wrap my head around it.

I also can't fathom them thinking or talking about me, holding opinions about me etc.
Last year I went for a few dates with a guy from work. It didn't go anywhere, because I couldn't understand that/why he would be interested in me. Not a self esteem thing, like you say; I just literally didn't get it. How could he think about me, it didn't make sense somehow. Still doesn't.

Firstly, nothing does exist except what you perceive. At least, a person's view of the world naturally depends on their perception. If you aren't aware of something, it doesn't exist to you. So don't feel bad for that.

My mum said to me recently, I seem to have empathy, but not total empathy. Like it's there, but it's not the same as other people's. Not as deep. This is absolutely fair; I base my empathy on logic and a little of my own morality, rather than natural emotion. Your process sounds similar.

In summary; aspie things.
I think this is just part of the autistic mindset. A separation between us and the world.

I do have the exact same sensation and it's really confusing. But on the contrary it kinda saddens me when I'm made know that I'm talked/thought about. I prefer not existing in the minds of others' when I'm physically absent.

^ It's unhappy for me, too, as a rule.
Sometimes it makes me outright angry. I suddenly realise there's a whole part of myself that I can't control; the way others think and feel (specifically, talk) about me.

racheypie666
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^ It's unhappy for me, too, as a rule.
Sometimes it makes me outright angry. I suddenly realise there's a whole part of myself that I can't control; the way others think and feel (specifically, talk) about me.

Absolutely. It is rather creepy that people think about me if I'm not there.

As for not thinking about what other people are doing, I don't really think about other people in that way, at all. I cannot begin to understand what NT's might be thinking, though I do have a good understanding of other AS people, I find.

Definitely!

That's interesting that a lot of you are creeped out by being thought of by others when you're not around. I guess i just think about the people in my life a lot and spend a lot of time going over conversations and imagining how i can have a successful social experience next time... it's nice to know that i might somehow actually be important to the people who are important to me. Still can't really wrap my had around the idea though, even when i type it out. So weird.

I can kinda relate to what your saying; until recently, for the most part, outside of my family, whenever someone recognizes and seems interested in my presence I find it a strange novelty; still, I am capable of fathoming it, I just am more used to knowing others than being known I suppose...

I have evidence that I often guess incorrectly when I imagine what other people think about me. I have responded by examining various possibilities and ranking them by probability. I try hard to avoid jumping to conclusions in a panic. Sure, I feel a little uncomfortable with uncertainty, but most certainty seems fake upon close examination.

haha i literally thought there was something wrong w me because of this until i read your post! nice to not feel alone. never even thought this would be an aspergers thing

Recognizing the shock of recognition of being recognized. Maybe it's living too much in your own head. Maybe there's a desire to control how others perceive you and then discomfiture in realizing you have little control of others perceptions of you. Hope that isn't too harsh of an assesment. I used to occasionally stare in the mirror astounded that's what others saw when they looked at me. One line of thought says - other peoples opinions of you isn't for you. It's for them.

When people see you, they see the mirror image of what you see in the mirror.

It's really helpful for me to hear that other people have this feeling. I struggle a lot with feeling like people are sort of... unreal, except (or sometimes even) when I'm actually interacting with them. And like you, I'm surprised to realize I exist to them when I'm not there. I find it both flattering and a bit disconcerting when someone says something like "oh, I was talking about you the other day!". I also find sometimes with people I care about (family, partners) this causes me to check in with them too obsessively, as though to make sure they're still real and and that they still remember that I'm real.

I think I feel it even about myself sometimes. Whenever I catch sight of myself in a mirror, I have a moment of being really startled, like... "who's that??? Oh, I'm really here? Weird." Not sure how much of that might be because I'm faceblind and don't recognize myself though

Yes, I can completely relate. I feel like I am stuck in a bubble. I can learn rules as to how to act around others, but the actual things that happen outside of me are confusing because I do not have an understanding. When I try to understand the reasons behind why people act the way they do, the things I cannot relate to do not make sense and do not "stick" for me.

It's been difficult to find times when this bubble has merged completely with my external social environment. I can typically connect with others on a more abstract level, through some mutual feelings and experiences like empathy/collective purpose, but not a practical level like approaches to conversation.

It's interesting that you mention a difference between "abstract" connection and "practical" connection. That idea has been difficult for me to put words behind but I think I get where you're coming from. I think this may be related to the reason why I prefer more personal one-on-one interactions.

I can really contribute to a personal dilemma or a critical-thinking issue when it is "up close and personal", and I usually feel really successful about personal deep or philosophical conversations with someone that I know well and trust. But, I find myself completely lost if a similar topic is being discussed within a group, or if the topic is revolving around a group or more general social thing rather than just one person that I am familiar with.

Somehow, the more "practical" application is just baffling to me, even though it's exactly that casual, more general type of conversation that are usually easier for people. I love talking about "the hard questions" and talking about deep things, but the casual conversation gets me every time.