Why can't I ever get past messenging?

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Currently messenging two women(not sure why), but it'll no doubt end soon with them just ignoring me.

I ask questions but they don't reply much and don't ask questions back. Hapnswith every woman I've ever messaged with. I feel pressured to make conversation with help from them or understanding how to

Tired of repeating failure.

Most likely because they are talking to multiple people at once and found someone more interesting. Happens to everyone especially men on free sites.

I know how you feel. It's not easy to be a man in today's online dating world, let alone an Aspie man.

I genuinely don't know. I find you easy to talk to.

There's an increasing awaeness that dating sites are extreme sausage fests; you should have realzied that by now.

And no, it's not only 60/40; these are lies; real ratios are like 90/10.

They're probably just getting bored. Especially if you're mainly just asking questions, women tend to not like that kind of "flow" of conversation, it feels more like an interview. Women also tend to not like prolonged on-line conversation in general. After two or three messages you should be setting up a face-to-face. If they're not keen then there's no point carrying on with endless on-line messages anyway.

Then how does one talk and get to know each other without asking questions?

Seems safer to talk for week or so online then meet up. I don't hardly know much about her.

Try to elaborate on the answers you give and try and inject anecdotes that demonstrate what kind of person you are, what you like, and hopefully get across that you're a person people want to be with.

Bad

M: What's your favourite artist?
F: Pink and Madonna
M: I like them too, what's your favourite book?

Good

M: What's your favourite artist?
F: Pink and Madonna
M: I love Madonna, I know it's not a very "macho" thing to admit, but I went to see her at <insert venue> in <insert year>, I went with my friend Pete and....<finish anecdote but make sure it's funny or interesting and doesn't involve ex partners>

Obviously don't lie, don't make up things, but try and steer the conversation toward something funny\interesting you can say.

You should be arranging to meet up within a couple of messages definitely don't be leaving it a week trying to gather a load of information. They will probably think your becoming boring ,wasting their time, or more likely one of the other guys she will be talking to will be moving things forward leaving you behind in the dust.

so be quick its a dating website not a pen-pal website people aren't on their to reply endlessly. Your already at a disadvantage being a guy with the huge number discrepancy.your probably wasting your time as well if your getting simple answers that show no interest in getting to know yourself etc. Their probably bored or trying to be nice, I've known a friend who would try reply to every message from anybody and that's the kind of replays you get as a result - uninterested. If they ignore you after you ask if they fancy meeting up or something along those lines then so be it. But at least you can get much more dates doing it that way.

Having not seen your messages themselves i don't know how they can be improved. But you don't want to be having one sided messages like interviews.

Last edited by Hoggy on 07 Jun 2017, 7:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whys it all my responsibility to do that. Why can't women elaborate on their answers.

Sadly my life is dull and I have very few experiences, I've never been to a concert and currently have no friends. So all I have is tv shows, video games and politics to elaborate on.

You'll find some women do elaborate, these ones will genuinely be showing a interest. You need to stand out and that does require the effort, if their was a 70-30 ratio of girls to males rather then the other way around then it wouldn't matter as much.

You have enough to go on with, I'm sure your interesting guy and have lots to talk about in those subjects and others you haven't mentioned if you thought about it. You don't need hundreds of life experiences. You can always make new ones.

Because she has 100 guys messaging her so doesn't need to make any effort.


That was just an example, it doesn't have to be an anecdote about going places with people, the point of the matter is that you should find a way to elaborate to turn your answers into something more, it should segue onto something that tells her a bit more about you beyond the literal answer to the actual question. It also gives her more things to work off if she is interested in you. If you're talking about TV and she likes Game of Thrones you could say you liked that too (if you do), maybe say who your favourite character is and why, or what your favourite story arc is while trying to relate that to your own life somehow (nothing negative or tragic though), maybe go on to mention another show that she might like if she likes that kind of nonsense and explain why she might like it, point out the similarities or try to "sell" that show in a clever\funny way. These things are all possible seeds for other branches of conversation, where basic question and answer can't really go anywhere.

This stuff does take practice and not everyone is going to be receptive to it, many girls are going to stop communicating after one, maybe two messages regardless of what you write so don't write essays straight away, try smaller elaborations and if she is responsive to that and does it in kind then you can make your elaborations gradually longer. If she sticks to one word answers or doesn't really reciprocate in any way in her messages back then forget about her and move on, she is either not serious about trying to find a partner, or not interested in you....either way it doesn't really matter, write her off and forget about it. Don't think that you somehow have to "win" every girl that responds or messages you, and don't think you're "losing" just because 99% of your communications are going to go nowhere. Instead simply accept that that's simply like on-line dating is, and if you choose to do it you have to accept it for what it is, because it's not going to be any different for you than it is for anyone else.

Non of my very very very few conversations go anywhere though

You're no different from anyone else using on-line dating then. The whole fad is winding down now anyway, people are turning away from on-line dating and going back to traditional "matchmaker" services, mainly because...well, like everything else, people have ruined it. Whenever an on-line service gets popular it is soon flooded with nothing but scammers and fraudsters and it slowly dies.

Except that I'm an inferior male who's not a real man.

Sly, this might sound crude but I think it's something you need to hear, why are you so lazy?

As I said in another thread, men are MADE into men, they don't grow into manhood as women grow into womanhood.

Sly, I'm sorry but I've seen you here with the same complaints for years.

Now imagine how far you could have come if instead of complaining you worked on yourself, weight-lifting, reading, learning, training. You would have already have become worthy of having a woman by now. What has complaining and moaning about it on an internet forum ever got you? Women aren't going to change for you, but you can change for women. This is the way that its always been, men must be made into manhood, but you haven't been made yet -- you don't want to, it's too hard, you keep choosing the lazy path of self-destruction.

It's not too late, throw away this form of yourself and begin self-improvement. You can start by weightlifting, as lifting weights goes a long way to improve a male's confidence.

Remember... "He who sows the wind shall reap the storm", inaction is your greatest foe.