I think I'm an aspie. [WARNING:LONG]

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Hello everyone. I'm a 21 y/o male, and I'm 99% sure I'm an aspie (my brother might be too). So, here's some reasons why I think I'm an aspie:

1) I have aunts & uncles on both sides of my family who probably have forms of autism, some higher functioning than others. They are all loved very much.

2) I know this is a debatable symptom, but since I was young I have always "toe-walked" when barefoot on certain types of floors, especially dirty floors. I do it to this day without being aware of it.

3) When I was in preschool, I wrote left handed from right to left (mirror writing). I did this until one of my NT uncles taught me to write right handed.

4) When I was very young I had severe "scrupulosity", and I would confess to my parents if I thought I was sinning. I would "say" a curse word in my head, then confess it. If I raised my middle finger for any reason, I thought I was "flipping them off", and I thought it was sinning. To this day I struggle with fear of doing "evil" deeds even though I'm Buddhist. I stopped believing in Christianity when I was 9 y/o.

5) Probably should have made this #1, but I will talk obsessively about things I'm interested in (usually something science related or about Buddhism). I have been known to just rant on & on about my current "obsession." However, I can usually tell the other person isn't interested, and if I don't think they're interested I try harder to get them to listen.

6) I used to have intrusive thoughts about accidentally harming my loved ones.

7) I've always had terrible nightmares, and difficulty sleeping at night & waking up early.

8] I have been a hypochondriac since I can remember.

9) I'm very good at remembering how to spell words, and once I read the definition of a word I rarely forget it. This has been the case since I was a young child. Always got B's & A's in English.

10) I have always suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and I lost around 60lbs because of it.

11) Sometimes I am slow to understand a joke.

12) I have severe social anxiety. I have never done a job interview because I'm terrified of it. The only job I ever had was working in my stepfather's machine shop, and I hated it.

that's all the potential symptoms I can think of (I'm aware that some aren't typical of Aspergers).
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Now, here's a few NT qualities I have. (please don't take this offensively).

1) I've never had problems telling someones emotions by their tone of voice (that I know of).

2) I can detect sarcasm quite well. I used sarcasm a lot growing up.

3) As far as I know I can read facial expressions very well. I don't think I've ever had a problem with this.

4) I'm coordinated with my hands, I can play guitar, and I have good balance. I used to take gymnastics, and I could do backflips, back handsprings, & I could walk down stairs on my hands. I used to be obsessed with Parkour.


To conclude, I would like to say that I'm struggling with this a lot. I think about suicide every day. I avoid talking to basically anyone as much as I can. I'm too afraid to get a job, and I live with my parents. I just told my mom today that I think I may be a HFA, but I can tell she doesn't believe me. My parents are very supportive of me (letting me live rent free), but they just think that I'm quirky, eccentric, and suffering from social anxiety & depression. I've went to a couple psychiatrists, and got on meds that really messed me up after coming off them. Even if I convinced my parents about it and got diagnosed I fear that my whole family will completely ostracize me, and perhaps think that I'm doing it as an excuse to not get a job. I feel like it's a lose-lose situation for me.

Thanks to anyone who reads this, and if you're struggling like I am then just know that you're not alone.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Have you completed any self-reported screening tests for autism? If not, you might want to try the AQ Test ( https://www.wired.com/2001/12/aqtest/ ) developed by the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre.

I only got diagnosed last year with autism. After been helped with mental health teams for several years and they always said we think you have autism but I had to wait three years to get diagnosed with autism. I have high function autism. Which was really difficult to diagnosis.I don’t get jokes at all never have. Don’t even like comedies and I know some autistic people do so we all different with autism. The one thing which affects me mostly is socialising and been in crowds. And I also have ocd which is typically common with autism.

UPDATE:

well, I finally talked to one of my brothers about Aspergers, and he thinks that he also might have it very mildly. I was thinking that he wouldn't agree with me, but he did. It's possible that all three of us brothers are aspies. We all share a lot of the same qualities like not being religious at a young age, not getting jokes sometimes, obsessing over video games, being grammar-Nazis, and having above average intelligence at a young age.

Also, I probably should have put this topic somewhere else, but since I'm new I decided to put it in the "getting to know me" category.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

There are some jobs that are well suited for folks on the spectrum. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer that bridges and tall buildings be designed by Aspie engineers who work really hard at being perfect at what they do, rather than guys who are great at socializing.

Sometimes it takes a long time to develop your talents. I just watched a Bruno Mars interview on 60 minutes and he said that he spent thousands of hours learning what he needed to do for his job. And he still has a ways to go before he gets to where he wants to be.

A formal diagnosis can more clearly identify your strengths and weaknesses. But, some people already know what they are, so a diagnosis might only tell you what you already know.

You definitely have a lot of the social, physical and health indications associated with ASD. I would consider my strongest indicators to be special interests and some social awkwardness, although I am not social phobic. I would classify myself in the "active but odd" category. My AS testing score is 28, which puts me in between NT and AS.

Welcome to wrong planet

Your biggest problem right now is that you are thinking about suicide every day. If you have not done so yet you need to find a suicide hotline number and have it by you at all times. Next thing to do if you have not done so is to seek professional help as soon as possible. If you are receiving professional help and it is not working for you, you have a right to find another psych. People here will help you find professional help, do not hesitate to ask.

I hope things get better for you.