Getting worse?

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Hi, I'm new, and I have a question or two...

I'm not diagnosed with AS or anything, but it seems pretty clear to me that there is something very wrong with me, and I only seem to be getting worse. Is this typical, or even possible? Is there any recovery?

From what I've read, I'm a pretty typical case: bullied in school (well, ostracized, anyway), never really fit in anywhere, issues with eye contact, don't like being touched, attempting to compensate lack of social instincts with intellectual reasoning, stuff like that. But why is it that I was a reasonably well-functioning individual at 25, and now, at 35, I'm a mess? I feel as though I've gotten gradually worse over the last few years -- feeling both more disinterested in other people and at the same time more lonely and "left out." I have also become increasingly depressed and less able to take joy in things that used to interest and amuse me.

Anyone with similar experiences?

Part of the biological explanation of the spectrum is the social part of the mind not developing as fast as the intellectual part. So it could be you're falling further behind as you get older, the gap growing wider. A lot of people with AS don't start noticing serious problems until their teens because as young children, their differences weren't as noticeable.

There's a ton of opportunity for recovery, you just have to work harder to catch up, and compensate for flaws with parts of your mind that are strong.

In my experience life gets better as you go on with Aspergers. You do learn how to connect with people, just much later in life. It gets better slowly, and there will be setbacks, but hopefully you will get there.

There is a danger of something else going wrong along the way, most likely depression as a result of frustrations with the opposite sex, work or other people. Depression is not easy to snap out of, but it should be possible if you keep up the struggle. There is a danger of being derailed by alcohol or drugs. Stay up.

Hmmmm? Since you are a adult I go
for the juggler vain on this.

ASD is "autism spectrum disorder"
meaning.......the many categories
of autism. I will ask some questions
starting with this.

• HFA or "Higher Form of Autism"
applies to me" and involves a
learning disabiltiy. In my case
age 3 a car accident, and hearing
lose that was fixed and delayed
language development. I didn't
speak properly for years 4-10.
My mother was distant and non-
humanly responsive to her kids.
She would fall as a carrier of the
autism trait on a lot of merits.

I intellectually dissect, but don't know
how to verbally simplify it so I choose
not to explain my thoughts or get easily
aggitated in repeating for your leisure
or misunderstanding.

How do you fall into this delayed learning
pattern? If you don't then.......

• AS or "Asperger's Syndrome".

Here is a person with good intellect
in all areas especially verbal, math,
puzzles, science. But they lack levels
of eye contact, communication, ect....
in the autism spectrum.

• PDD-NOS or "Pervasive Disfunction(?)
Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified"

and meaning a combination of AS/HFA
but no absolutes.

Where may you fall in this category?

Hmmmmm?



Autism is lifelong, Sorry!
Coping skills are my best answer.
They improve as you get older.
In your case you are 35 and they
seem to be working.






Typical action by others,
Physical, Mental, or being ignored
abuse is built on basic power
standings and misunderstandings
that empower others.
So far...So good!



Same here, and this applies to the other
folks on WrongPlanet.

Let's get a bit more specific!
1)...How do you not fit in?
2)...Under what circumstance?
(this allows the differencials
between AS and HFA to be revealed,
or exposed)




Typical Autism. So far...So Good!



Oooh! how autistic of you! This
doesn't apply so much to AS.
HFA and the spectrum would fit
this area much better.



ASD, No! AS, maybe?, HFA, I would say
this is closer!

Why?

1)...Under what train of thought do you
follow in this reasoning.

Hmmmmm?

AS, "I think, but do not say"
HFA, "I think, but how do I convey?"



This is a good example of good
coping ASD skills. Ok so far!



This is where I am so far as well. I was outed
by my employer and I am grateful. Then
comes awareness, then outlets...."Welcome
to WrongPlanet" by the way, "YOU FOUND
A GOOD ONE".



This is where I am so far. It stems
from the fact that I know what is wrong
and it is difficult sometimes to ride a new
something. This is why a outlet to express
is good, and healthy. "Welcome to Wrong
Planet".



This is a change thing. I feel this way in
any change. It will pass with a good
outlet to develop newer coping skills
and communciations skill you will develop
here.



Uhhhhh? Hmmmmmm? Maybe!
(This is a humour answer! I am not good at
telling jokes)-Sorry!

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Maybe you're having a mid-life crisis.

For me it was college. I had made my way through highschool with very little bullying, I had a lot of good "friends" But I had my private world.
I knew I was different, I thought I was just "gifted" In college I found myself surrounded by people "friends" constantly. I needed to retreat, I needed to pursue my creative outlets, but I could see that this was odd and people resented it. I ended up with I pretty tight group of friends and a girlfriend, and I was miles away in my thoughts. I felt myself getting more and more distant and depressed, it became almost painful to be touched, because it seemed to amplify the distance somehow. It became clear to me that I was not on the same path as my "peers".

Perhaps something similar has happened to you, you have reached a point where you assess where you are and where you are going, and the divergence makes itself know. Depression follows. I would think of it as a slump and an adjustment. You must try to get to know yourself.

Wow. My life story.

Thanks all for your comments! I'll think about this...

I've become very happy because i decided to whale on my own drum and define my own values and standards instead of trying to adapt to their standards and expectations. I think the depression comes from a lot of frustration in trying to fit into their world. So don't be depressed! You have every right to make up your own world and only interact with theirs on a visitation basis to make money and such. You might have to make some extended journeys to make new friends, but trying to make a permenant living in their world is painful and counterproductive.

I have problems socializing and making friends. This sometimes depresses me a good deal. So I keep to keep calm and relax.

Yes similar, not sure about recovery.

I did well until I had to leave school (darn graduation!). Each time I left school I did poorly and went back to school. Now I have a PhD and realize what I must do - go back to school. Being ostracized in school is different from being ostracized in your job. The most depressing part is that I can't figure out how I'm supposed to respond.
I had a partner for 10 years and broke that up. That played havoc with my routines and I am two years away from that and still not recovered.
It might help to figure out what's changed in the past 10 years. One thing that changed for me 2 yrs ago is that I stopped drinking black (I kid you not - really dark) tea. The drop in caffeine consumption resulted in a diagnosis of ADHD. And believe me, Ritalin is better than caffeine. I am working on getting my routines back, and as that happens, I feel better and have needed less Ritalin. I also got into therapy - something which I did not believe in (did I mention the PhD is in psychology?) until I realized that my therapist, who is neurotypical, could translate for me.

I don't think there is recovery, because I think there's nothing wrong. It's a matter of working on adapting to the chaotic and vicious social mores of the NT world. I am too high IQ for anyone to consider supporting me. That means I have to work. That means I have to figure out which rules to play by. So far it's been a disaster. My current boss is trying to fire me because I've stepped on her toes too many times.
On the bright side, I have discovered Wrong Planet! I am a lot less depressed since coming here. People who think like me! Yay! It gives me hope that I can find a job (likely in a university) where I will be comfortable. I even hope for a new partner who will understand my off again, on again needs for intimacy.
Hey, anything's possible.
BTW am I the only one who has trouble with emoticons? I just can't get the hang of them...

Do not conform, consume and obey. Be yourself. And learn (like I have done) that AS is something beautiful.

Getting worse or getting better? It's all really kind of relative, don't you think? Is the glass half empty or half full? I feel that as I get older I am becoming the person I've always known I was, but was afraid to be.

I just don't care what people think of me like I did when I was younger. Keeping up with NT's was always so very exhausting -I don't even try now. This is MY time! I am going to do the things that make me happy. If I want to be around people, I do volunteer work or visit family members. This way I interact when I want to. Otherwise I do things that I like to do. I have noticed something, too. When I engross myself in my own activities, it seems to draw people with similar likes, to me. Friendships take alot more "cultivation" than I have time (or energy) for at present but I never seem to be lonely. So I suppose it's just how you look at autism, whether you feel this is a bad thing or a good thing can depend on whether you are looking at it through a neurotypical POV or your very own Autistic POV.

I don't know about "worse," but this seems to be the kind of discussion that I wrote the following for:

http://www.autistics.org/library/more-autistic.html

Perhaps over those years, your differences became more obvious to you and hence you're behavior has been affected by your awareness and vice versa???

I have gotten worse since I've developed a keener awareness of how very different I am. And in turn, I become more depressed/anxious more easily etc. to the point that my behavior and mode of thought really HAVE gotten worse. I wonder if it is the same for you...

SSRIs (for diagnosed clinical depression, severe anxiety disorder, and mild OCD) kept me on what I call an even keel of "nothing" - neither happy nor sad, but numb instead - for 10 years. I decided a few months ago that continuing meds when they weren't doing anything profound to help me, was pointless - and now, my oddness is more evident (to me) with each passing day. I think the meds were mainly effective in keeping a sort of lid on it all that time. Nevertheless, having read other WPers' stories, and having checked out some of the recommended websites, I'm not really upset about my "weird" coping mechanisms anymore...