new stims you didn't use to do ?

Post Reply New Topic

first i am not diagnosed and i am not even sure if my traits would qualify for a diagnosis, and where i live no adult get diagnosed with ASD.
I have been interested in Autism for about a year now, at first i didn't think that i myself could possibly be autistic and after watching a lot of videos about autistic people on youtube - out of curiosity - i thought that this can explain why i always don't quite fit in.
i just can't say that i am autistic, and in the same time the idea of me having autistic traits is stuck on my mind.

what i want to talk about here is stimming, i didn't at first think that i stim but then i noticed some behaviors that can be stimming that i used to do from time to time it comes for a short time and goes, for example Clapping my hands behind my back and then in-front of me - if that make sense - or walking on tip toes, rocking sometimes but what i do a lot of the time is putting pressure on my skin - like pinching my self -, but i see my mother who is definitely not autistic rocking as well, so i wanted to be careful with taking this as an autistic behaviors.

whoever recently i find myself stimming with my hands all the time moving my finger in a certain rhythm and sometimes even flapping my hand, when i first read about hand flapping or even rocking i didn't understand and thought that this is not something i did or would ever need to do, but now i am doing it, i don't do it intentionally i can't even do it when i want, it just happens almost automatically when i am feeling it, and although it is associated with emotions and stress i usually don't like it for the following reasons

- stimming with my fingers makes my joints feel weird afterward.

- i feel out of control, i can stop it but not before i have already done it, it's like when your body moves on it's own like when you find yourself throwing your socks in the trash.

- and i feel ashamed like why now ? after watching videos of children stimming maybe.. am i trying unconsciously to be more autistic ? i must admit i would like to be diagnosed with autism, but i feel stupid and guilty when i find myself looking at myself as autistic when i am not even sure, i probably just want to fit in somewhere.

- or is it also because usually i stim when i don't feel good, because it doesn't bother me as much when i do it while listening to a good music for example.

sorry for all this rambling, this thing bothered me for a while, some times i just let myself stim because it helps even if i feel annoyed and avoid family members seeing me doing it, because they would know what it means since they know that i am interested in autism and that i though i may have it.

also even though my life is good, for a lot of reasons i am stressed out for the past two years, i didn't actually notice until i had trouble breathing and googled about it, so that can also be a reason.


so what is your thoughts about this , and did you experience something similar ? like doing stims you didn't use to do after knowing about them ?

After I read about stimming, I tried it in a stressful situation, consciously... and it totally helped! I was able to stay focused on the conversation and not get overwhelmed by the rest of the group all looking at me. I couldn't quite look them in the eyes during the conversation, but I was able to sort of blur my eyes and look in the direction of their faces, rather than looking down, or away, or closing my eyes. It was like an electric ground or something. In hindsight, I could say that I have had some habits that could perhaps be classified as stimming, but I was never thinking of that and no one told me, that is stimming, you have autism

I'm not diagnosed either, but what does it matter? Learning about ASD and sharing experiences with others on the spectrum has made my life make sense (I'm 37 and only found out late last year). If you looked in a mirror and saw yourself, would you need a doctor to tell you that is you? Plus you may get feedback from others along the way to help guide you to where you can say, this is totally me, or, no this is not really me. If you are honest with yourself, over time your doubt will diminish and you will have your answer.

I have my doubts at times too, especially when someone says, "What? You don't have that. You just took some meaningless test online. You're just imagining it." I don't have a piece of paper to point to that says, see, a doctor says so. Well guess what, doctors get stuff wrong all the time. And the medical definitions are under constant debate. For my money, the evidence is clear and I don't need to justify it to anyone. But let's say I'm wrong. If believing that I have autism when I actually don't has connected me to resources and people that have enabled me to understand myself more completely and to better my life significantly, then who. the. hell. cares! Doctors prescribe placebos and that is considered valid. What is the difference?

I thought of trying to get diagnosed. I talked to a friend that works in schools with spectrum kids and she told me, you can get diagnosed, but it may not lead to you getting much support because the resources are generally targeted at kids (in the US). If you want to go to a therapist, go to one. You don't need a diagnosis for that. (If this information is completely wrong and someone can provide a more educated perspective, then please do!) So I have just been seeking support where I can find it and that has been helpful so far, but it requires the confidence gained from being honest with myself and further I am lucky to have people around who are supportive and give me honest feedback about my behavior.

Edit: specified country

Thanks that was very helpful, as you say being interested in Autism and reading a lot about it and hearing others experience and thoughts made me understand myself better, why i am the way i am and that i am not just broken, and also what to do in certain situations..even if my traits aren't enough for a diagnosis i believe that it comes from the same thing..that my brain is just wired in a different way.

a diagnosis in my opinion would still be good - if it isn't very expensive - because it will point out your strengthens and weakness and that also will help with understanding yourself better, also when needing a psychotherapy it will be better if they know you have autism because what works for an NT wouldn't necessary work for an autistic, and it can be harmful if they treat you without knowing the main cause of your problem, and even if you tell them they can just say you don't have it, i have a friend whom i think she can very likely be autistic and when she said that to her psychiatrist she simply said no you don't have that and gave her a new diagnosis, now she has been diagnosed with Schizoid personality disorder, bipolar, social anxiety disorder, OCD, depression, and schizophrenia - not all from the same doctor -
she isn't very knowledgeable about these disorders and didn't for example realize that she can't be schizoid until i explained to her why .

I find myself flapping my arms slightly, kind of like moving them away from my sides a couple of inches over again for a few seconds and than I stop myself.

I flutter my fingers on my forehead. That has only been for a year or so.

Occasionally, I will slightly twist myself at the waist.

Recently I was twirling my hair like Near from Death Note, but since my drastic haircut (short hair FTW!) I've not had enough to do so.