I like an aspie guy, but I feel like I'm friendzoned.

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So I've thought that this guy is really lovely, cute, intelligent and talented since I met him. Well everybody would think that he is, because he actually is.
His replies sometimes seemed rude and disrespectful before I got to know that he was diagnosed with Asperger's.

These days, I text him first frequently and I feel like that we are good friends. I feel comfortable when I talk to him, and I like talking to him.

But I'm not sure if he's romantically interested in me or not.
Luckily I know that he is straight and he's very shy to approach to girls.

1)He never texts me first.
*And he never asks a personal question. *

2) Suddenly, His replies doesn't look rude anymore. Actually his replies are sweet.

3)But still, when I ask him a personal question,he doesn't ask me back.
For example
When I ask "Do you have a sister?"
He answers "Yes + (detailed answer)" - but never asks me a question like "How about you? Do you have a sister?"

4)He seems like enjoying the conversation as well, but never tries to talk about dating and romance issues.


What do you think I should do if I want to be romantically involved with him?

(Unfortunately, I can't ask him out because we currently live in different countries. And I don't want to lose this very smart and good friend )

Last edited by clevand4124 on 07 Jul 2017, 10:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would just take it slow, continue the relationship, and let it run its natural course.

Have you ever asked him if he want a girlfriend?

It doesn't seem definite, to me, that you are being "friendzoned."

Most zones are good zones.

Based on what I have read, he seems to be giving you the hint that he's not interested in you romantically or really a friend for that matter.
The hints are
1. He never texts you and a guy would do anything to talk to you again. Rather, it's one-sided
2. When you ask him a question, his replies are short which I have learned is a lack of interest
3. You may have a crush on him but he may not feel that way about you.

I had a crush on a guy for several years who didn't crush on me back because I thought he liked me too. However, there were signs which were similar to yours that I didn't pick up on until much later.

1. He and I joined the same Asperger's Support group and most of the time he never talked to me personally. Everyone else was more important
2. He only reached out to me the first time I joined so I could feel welcome
3. He never asked for my number though he gave me his email address and a forum the night I met him
4. He never called me or invited me to anything
5. I was always the one reaching out by messaging him unless he wanted something
6. He was always expecting me to bend over backwards to impress him and once I did, I could win him over. Yet, he never did the same for me.
7. I invited him to a birthday celebration and he ignored me the entire time but talked to another girl right in front of me.

I wouldn't do that either. That's just how some of us are. If you want to talk about your sister (if you have one), just do it instead of expecting him to ask you.



Give him hints about it, and see how he reacts. Don't expect him to take this initiative directly.



First, you should make sure he is really interested in you. Since you do a lot of messaging, cut down considerably on the frequency and note his reaction. If he doesn't show signs of missing your messages, he is unlikely to be interested.

What Twilight said.

Well that was about an organized therapy group.

He actually may have no clue that you are romantically interested in him.
You might have to be a little more obvious. Maybe like "Hey, you're cute." or "Do you have a girlfriend?" will give him a clue. I think it's rather common for an aspie to not reciprocate in conversations. We have to learn how to have a balanced conversation.
My ex and I are both aspies and he was absolutely clueless that I was flirting with him when we met. Pretty much had to spell it out for him before he understood. Now I'm with an NT and I'm the clueless one.

There is probably your problem. He may actually feel a bit embarrassed that you are in a different country. He is not being rude, but rather you may be just a stranger.

Sorry.

I had this happen with a girl I had a crush on back in college. I felt like because we both talked together after class, we must have a connection. Reality, she was seeking guys before and after me, and some of my other colleagues had more of a connection with her because she was with my colleagues more.

I embarrassed myself in front of her feeling we had a connection, but there was no connection to begin with. A hard lesson learned.

Another possibility is that men with aspergers are used to "yes" and "no" questions, so they respond with short statements and expect other people to move on from there. Your crush is not being blunt and reluctant.

He probably doesn't know you like him that way unless you tell him. If he likes you he might not know what to do about it. Aspies don't really ask reciprocal questions like that, its one of the main traits.

From my experience with an Aspie friend I would like to comment on a few things:

Not unusual. I would say if you want to find out how much you mean to him stop texting first for a while and see if he texts you first. (Warning be prepared to possibly be waiting a very long time).


Yeah don't expect to get asked questions you just asked him. From my experience they will talk a lot about themselves but rarely ask about you.


If you want to talk about dating and romance you should bring it up, it's unlikely he would initiate such a conversation.

From my experience, I find it annoying to "play games" like this. Text first, text last, whatever. It just irritates the crap out of me.

I used to wonder whether I should "call first," or "wait for her call" (we didn't have texting when I was dating). That drove me batty! And it made me sad that some girls never called me back again, after "waiting for a call, so I don't make the girl think I'm too interested LOL"

When I want to talk to a person, I talk to a person. If I sense that she doesn't want to talk to me, I just end the conversation nicely.

Be clear about your own intentions; it is quite possible that he himself assumes that you friendzoned him.
In my own experience, this happened a few times, and in that situation the pressure is off (there is no romantic interest from her side, so i can't mess anything up there).