Why Dating Is All Just A Game, And It's Hard

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When you think about it, dating is all a game. First off, you have to find a place to meet women. Maybe at school, maybe among your circle of friends, or even at a local meetup group. Now you see a girl you think is cute and want to get to know her better, the problem is you don't even know her and she has no idea who you are. You're going to have to figure out a way to approach her and start up a conversation, without coming off as creepy, needy, or just plain boring. Let's just say, you manage to approach her and start a conversation without coming off as a weirdo, now you have to find a way to keep the conversation going without it fizzing out. Maybe you crack a joke, ask her questions about herself, talk about yourself for a bit.

Now you will probably want to see her again so now you have to ask for her number, her snapchat, or her Facebook information to keep in contact. Now that you have a way to contact her, then you have to send a first message and it has to be at the right time after your real life conversation. If you send a text to her a week later, she will likely not respond as it has been too long ago. If you send a message too early, she will likely think you're overly needy and not respond. You have to keep a conversation going with her for a few days before asking her out. If you ask her out too early, she will think you're coming on too strong too soon. If you ask out too late, then you didn't escalate soon enough and she likely is talking to other guys so you've missed your chance.

So eventually you ask her out on a date over Facebook, Snapchat, text etc and she says yes. Now the problem is that you have to make sure she doesn't flake. You have to text her in between the time you ask her out and before the date. If you don't text her at all before the date, then she will most likely flake. But if you text her too much, then you won't have much to talk over once you meet up in real life.


So let's just say she doesn't flake and you meet up with her. Now you have to make sure that you like her in addition to her liking you well enough to want to see you again. You have to think of ideas of places to go, how to keep the conversation going without it fizzing out, how to incorporate humor, how to flirt, and eventually in future dates how to go in for the kiss.



And every step of the way, you're risking yourself of brutal and painful rejection.


The only reason why men subject themselves to the gruesome process of dating, and finding "the one" is because most guys are horny. We literally cannot help being obsessed with women and beauty, so that's why we subject ourselves to rejection. We're basically a bunch of slaves, which makes sense because if we werne't horny, then there would be no incentive to approach women.



Dating is like running a business. The guy who never acts on an opportunity to talk to women never gets any v. The business man who never acts on opportunity, who never initiates, never gets any business because business won't simply come to him.

You don't have to follow that script. You will only catch boring NTs if you do it that way.

First, you don't have to make contact with conversation (I never did).

Second, you can make her discover you on Facebook. It's a lot more fun that way.

Third, you don't need to make contact in a given time frame. Give her some clues and let her do a little research herself.

Best of all, if it takes some effort from her side (and from yours of course, in arranging it), then you actually know that she is somewhat interested and so the risk for later failures decrease.

Actually, I'm amazed how many NDs put down a lot of effort trying to learn NTs dating scripts. After all, our creativity was at least partly meant to be used for courtship, so why do you put up with foreign dating scripts that won't work for you anyway? Be creative, and get the interest of some nice girl in some unusual way. Not by conversation, but by creative endeavours. Give her some hints, setup games, arrange potentially unexpected meetings (without stalking her) or whatever you can come up with, just not dating.

Care to share some games?

I can give some examples. For instance, in old-time dancing, you can improvise and add fancy new things that other guys don't use. You might use extra moves, extra turns, small jumps and similar that is not part of the original dance. Some women then will copy you, or give you a smile if they like it. Works very well to single out women that are interested in you. However, it only works if you already know the dance, and it is obvious that you are not doing something wrong because you are inexperienced. Still, that is usually not a problem if you have dancing as an intense interest. I know a pretty unattractive guy that got some women's interest that way. I think this can be applied to many sports as well.

I think you should be careful not to confuse this with fame or elitism though. The objective is not to become famous because then you will get the interest of a huge number of NTs too, which is a bad idea. You want to solicit interest only from women that enjoy games, and so you want to keep it at a level so you don't get general attention.

Regardless of the details on how you initiate it, it is important that the girl actually participates actively in it before you get feelings for her, preferentially coming up with her own tricks, games or hints. As things progress, you can either decide to quit the game and decide to hang-out (but don't ask her out!!), or continue with it as long as you both enjoy it. I favour the latter because the game builds bonds for NDs, and you want to have a strong mutual bond before you enter a stable LTR. I wouldn't worry about the girl getting tired of it either because this is just as addictive as computer gaming.

A feature of this way to set up a relationship is that there is no social trait or interest matching, which I think is only an advantage. You probably have the original interest in common, but beyond that, you might not have anything else in common. You also might not have political or social views in common. This means that compromising will enter into the picture quickly, and you will most likely need to go outside of your own (potentially very narrow) interests and beliefs, which is only healthy. I think many NDs have a natural ability to "borrow" interests from a love interest and to adapt their views and beliefs. Unlike in an interest-matched relationship, this gives a natural base for discussion and pursuing new interests, and it will take far longer before boredom enters the picture.

i don't bother with dating, partly because i don't have time but mostly it has become shallow and pointless. the only way i would date is if it's with a) a fellow aspie and b) if it has meaning with a right person not a hookup, ghosting any of the modern bullcrap and besides marriages don't last long anyway, so no point in getting your heart broken!!

This is just my opinion. I'd try not to focus on forming a romantic relationship with anyone and just make friends. If that friendship starts to become more and you and the other person realizes this and you both want to take it further, then go for it. But there is no need to feel like you're doing a chore. It's good to work towards being the best man/woman etc. when wanting to show your significant other than you truly care about them. But the idea of "dating"...ehh...there are just better ways in going on about that.

I for one would just like to be with my lovers and eat pizza, drink coke and play video games all night for a date. I don't need a fancy dinner or a person to buy me expensive jewelry when dating. Traditional methods to dating just have too many "rules". It's good to find someone you can hang out with and enjoy the same space together. Not follow a manual that's supposed to have all the answers for you.

i know right? people seem to be so shallow they would reject others on whether the person is overweight, poor, short just any stupid shallow reason, even over tattoos and piercings!! i think it would be better if it was mandatory for people to meet each other online, no profile pictures then if they like each other meet offline that way there would be none of this shallow nonsense because they know what the person is like personality wise!!

If you're going to play you'll need at least a few shinies and trap cards.

Dating is a just a game - in a way. And I can tell you that it's just as miserable and gruesome for women and NTs as it is for NDs and men. You fear rejection? Every time I met a new man, I had to fear rejection and a possible violent reaction to rejection.

I'm a woman and believe me not all men wanted to f**k me never mind partner with me. Yes, it's easier to pick up random sex if you're a woman, but the risks to your health and well-being are much greater.

When I was dating occasionally I had miserable evenings but to be honest most were kind of just ok. It took me two years of dating to find someone I really wanted to have sex with and continue to see. I was extremely lucky. I did find someone who I adore and I'm still seeing him 8 months on - although I wouldn't say we are dating anymore - we're in a long term loving relationship and spend every night we can together (basically we almost never spend a night apart). But I had to slog through a lot of bad dates to get there.

I do agree people are shallow but I don't see how judging someone over things like tattoos, piercings or clothes is being shallow. For example, I consider tattoos to be ugly and same with piercings other than the earlobes. Personal feelings aside, we are living in a world where it's almost impossible to find a decent job off the street so why would anyone want to date someone that practically makes themselves unemployable by getting a large, visible tattoo on an area like the neck or hand? Like it or not, many employers refuse to hire someone with a visible tattoo or "non-traditional" piercing/hair colour and I know how difficult it can be dating someone who doesn't work: not only the lack of $$$ but the abundance of free time they have.