Admitting you have Aspergers?

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aloofdeer
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20 Aug 2017, 1:58 pm

I'm very keen on honesty and I feel like if I don't tell a potential date I have Asperger's Syndrome she may feel betrayed or like I have lied to her. Is it ever ok to tell a date you have Aspergers? Or is this just a bad move?



ErwinNL
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20 Aug 2017, 2:29 pm

Good question, will it help you be more relaxed when going on a date?

Not telling someone isn't the same as lying!


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aloofdeer
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20 Aug 2017, 2:37 pm

I think I'd be more relaxed if I told a date because then she'd presumably know more about my potential mannerisms.

I feel like if she were to find out later she may be angry, that's my reasoning with telling her sooner.



ErwinNL
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20 Aug 2017, 2:56 pm

I don't have much experience with dating and I didn't know about my ASD at the time when I did. But I am sure I would tell it before hand now.


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cberg
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20 Aug 2017, 5:02 pm

It's good to calmly admit. :)


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Chichikov
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20 Aug 2017, 5:11 pm

Is she telling you about the chicken fillets she has in her push up bra? Or her hair extensions? Or the fact she is still friends with her ex, or has IBS, or was once done for drink driving?

Everyone puts the best version of themselves forward at the beginning of a relationship or on the first dates. Everyone. So don't worry about it right away, only bring it up if you think things are going to get serious. Information is one way, once you've told someone something you can't take that back and you can't control who they tell, so don't give that info out too freely.



kraftiekortie
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20 Aug 2017, 5:21 pm

There's nothing to "admit to." You did nothing wrong by having Asperger's

If you've killed somebody: now that's something to confess, to "admit to."

I'm, technically, not an Aspergian because of my severe speech delay. But probably wouldn't mention my Spectrum status directly until we're in an exclusive relationship. I might hint at it, though.



cberg
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20 Aug 2017, 5:33 pm

People are not infallible, that's no block to loving each other. It's also another reason we all should. I second Kraftie.


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FunkyPunky
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20 Aug 2017, 7:32 pm

Yes I always tell them. They're going to find out sooner or later anyway and then they'll either be okay with it or break up with me. I figure get it out of the way right off the bat so I don't waste my time with someone who can't see past the disability.



guitarman2010
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20 Aug 2017, 9:33 pm

I admit it to women when they get close enough. I figure if it turns them off or scares them away, than it wasn't meant to be anyways.


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League_Girl
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20 Aug 2017, 11:37 pm

You eventually tell them but not on the first few dates until it gets more serious between you two.


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cberg
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20 Aug 2017, 11:48 pm

All my best friends know. ;)


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Sweetleaf
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21 Aug 2017, 10:40 am

I didn't mention it to my boyfriend till we had met in person a few times, and were for sure interested in a relationship.


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Buddy
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21 Aug 2017, 10:54 am

Honesty is the best policy there is nothing wrong with telling her that you have Aspergers.



Campin_Cat
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21 Aug 2017, 11:19 am

I wouldn't tell anybody, on the first few dates----I think what Sweetleaf did, was just right (meaning, waiting until you know that you want to have a relationship, with the person).

IMO, when you tell someone something about yourself, they, sorta, "own" a piece of you----and, anything you say, can and WILL be used against you (for instance, if you ever tell someone you date, for the first time, and they are someone who you ALSO work-with, or attend school/uni with, etc., and you never have another date, they might repeat it at work/school/wherever, and that might turn-out, badly)----so, for that reason, I recommend waiting, a little bit.







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AspieUtah
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21 Aug 2017, 11:55 am

Campin_Cat wrote:
I wouldn't tell anybody, on the first few dates----I think what Sweetleaf did, was just right (meaning, waiting until you know that you want to have a relationship, with the person).

IMO, when you tell someone something about yourself, they, sorta, "own" a piece of you----and, anything you say, can and WILL be used against you (for instance, if you ever tell someone you date, for the first time, and they are someone who you ALSO work-with, or attend school/uni with, etc., and you never have another date, they might repeat it at work/school/wherever, and that might turn-out, badly)----so, for that reason, I recommend waiting, a little bit.

Yes, all this is true, but the opinions and beliefs of others is a difficult thing to change absent months or years of trying by both individuals. Understanding this fact, I usually want to "read the tea leaves" quickly about others who want a place in my life. I like the immediate answers I get from them, because they are often supportive and end up asking questions to continue our conversation. This desire informs me to describe my autism in matter-of-fact ways, and watch carefully for others' reactions. While they react (well or poorly), I listen, nod my head when I agree, and ... wait for the punchline. Most times, others describe their own family and friends who are autistic and important to them. My kind waiting usually pays off well. I recommend this to other autists whether they choose to do so on the first date or the second.


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