I don't think my boyfriend wants to get married
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 36. It does not seem weird to me at all. We both have our various disorders and each have a therapist. He has PTSD and ADHD. I have Asperger's, haphephobia and non epileptic seizures. We've been dating for two years, and living together for almost three years. I have seen him through drug addiction, rehab, and custody battles for his daughter. He has been married 3 times before all ended in divorce. At the time he was in the military so I could see how that would put stress on the relationship and in all previous relationships there were mutual drug dealings, which also contributed I'm sure. I am a drug free non alcoholic. In the beginning there was the romantic phase which lasted about a week. Then I found out about the drugs and we had a long year dealing with that. Then he got clean and we started making progress. We have a 3 bedroom house, both have our own cars(paid for), and a dog. When we first met he was living in a trashy apartment, neither of us had a car, and I was making $400 a month average. He had no job. I now make $1200-1300 a month and he makes $1300 a month. The mortgage is $575 per month so there's plenty of leeway to save money. He's almost done with college and I'm training for a manager's position at my job. Altogether we have come a long way. I am worried that he never wants to get married. I don't want any kids, ever. Ever ever. He has 3 that visit and I'm okay with that. He gave me a ring for my birthday that had a pearl, it's the prettiest thing I've ever owned, but it made me a little sad. He gets angry any time someone brings up the idea of marriage. My parents joke about it sometimes and he says nothing but gets upset later when they're not around. He mocks people he sees on the internet for getting married, saying it's all some kind of scam or people just using each other. It makes me sad, he's not very romantic although he's never really been that type. I'm not much either, but maybe I am because it disappoints me to think I'll never get to have that experience. When we first met he'd say maybe in five to ten years, now it all sounds like a joke.
He's been hurt. He believed in marriage once. That's why he got married, but all the pain he s been through has jaded him.
I feel a bit like that. I don't feel happy for people when I see a wedding photo now. I feel a sense of forboding. Will it work out for them? Are they making a huge mistake?
Not sure what the answer is.
I kinda understand. I do like the idea of getting married even though it kinda scares me too. I feel a bit conflicted about it because I do know people who seem happy and it works for them and has been working for the past 10 years.
You're only 21. Why not wait until you find someone who wants to marry you? Do you have to place an important need for you aside because he wants to? What about you?
_________________
I've left WP.
I don't think I would want to marry a man who has been divorced 3 times. Anyway, you are young, and if I were you I would find someone closer to my age who values marriage and shares my perspectives on life. Your age makes you an attractive mate for most single men at the moment.
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