"You ruined the panel, you're a selfish person."

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Summer_Twilight
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04 Sep 2017, 6:17 am

I have been volunteering in tech operations or tech ops at a massive pop culture convention in my city and we get big time celebrities who come. I was working during one panel which had a small celebrity from a former television show. Though I had never seen the show, it was a fandom that I could relate to. So I asked the actor a question no problem as I got permission.

One of the con goers got up after the panel and attacked me because
1. I ruined the panel because I got up and asked a question which the actor away from walking around the room
2. I am a selfish person
3. He and his wife were seated in the ADA section of the room and how I started a line that blocked his wife from leaving due to her medical condition. Yet, she didn't tell me there was a problem.
4. I shouldn't have gotten up to ask a question because "I am a volunteer."



icechai
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04 Sep 2017, 5:46 pm

Sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like the con attendee was having a bad day and wanted to make someone else feel bad as well



Chronos
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04 Sep 2017, 6:50 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I have been volunteering in tech operations or tech ops at a massive pop culture convention in my city and we get big time celebrities who come. I was working during one panel which had a small celebrity from a former television show. Though I had never seen the show, it was a fandom that I could relate to. So I asked the actor a question no problem as I got permission.

One of the con goers got up after the panel and attacked me because
1. I ruined the panel because I got up and asked a question which the actor away from walking around the room
2. I am a selfish person
3. He and his wife were seated in the ADA section of the room and how I started a line that blocked his wife from leaving due to her medical condition. Yet, she didn't tell me there was a problem.
4. I shouldn't have gotten up to ask a question because "I am a volunteer."


Some people are jerks, unfortunately, and it seems you have encountered one. I imagine someone such as this man would have a difficult time in life in general.



Summer_Twilight
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04 Sep 2017, 6:51 pm

Just about everyone at the con has been very supportive in my situation except this other guy who is supposed to be my friend who also has autism. Rather, he was dismissive and callous with me.

First off, he didn't hear what I said and asked "Well did you move?" (He is president of a self-advocacy chapter for people with disabilities)

I told him again and he just blew me off "Well, I am feeling kinda hungry bye!"



Chronos
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04 Sep 2017, 7:07 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Just about everyone at the con has been very supportive in my situation except this other guy who is supposed to be my friend who also has autism. Rather, he was dismissive and callous with me.

First off, he didn't hear what I said and asked "Well did you move?" (He is president of a self-advocacy chapter for people with disabilities)

I told him again and he just blew me off "Well, I am feeling kinda hungry bye!"


It's possible he didn't understand that your disclosure of the incident to him was a request for moral support.



Summer_Twilight
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04 Sep 2017, 7:16 pm

Chronos, maybe but he's president of a self-advocacy chapter for people with disabilities and preaches about treating people better. When it boils down to it, he doesn't know how to be a leader. Rather, he just does a lot of research and seems to tell people how to get on the mailing list.



Chronos
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04 Sep 2017, 8:04 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Chronos, maybe but he's president of a self-advocacy chapter for people with disabilities and preaches about treating people better. When it boils down to it, he doesn't know how to be a leader. Rather, he just does a lot of research and seems to tell people how to get on the mailing list.


I'm sure I've surprised people from time to time with my social lapses. As one person once told me after administering a learning assessment which had a social skills sub section "You know what to do when presented on paper, but you have difficulty implementing it". I also apparently have non-verbal deficits that may lead me to misunderstand a real life social situation, and lack real time pragmatism that may cause me to respond in a sub-optimal manner to a situation when forced to do so on the spot.

Had you approached me with your situation in the past, I would not have realized you wanted moral support. I would have thought you were merely telling me about a situation, and I likely would not have realized your feelings about it, or I might have thought you wanted a solution to the situation.

Now, however, I realize that you would probably like me to provide moral support in the form of saying how your friend acted like a jerk to you. Yes, you friend did act like a jerk to you, but I caution against you concluding this was intentional, as it might not have been.



the_phoenix
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05 Sep 2017, 12:03 am

Having been involved in many conventions myself,
I can tell you that many of the "leaders" have huge egos.
Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend.
His behavior sounds like narcissistic abuse.
Whether he knows what he's doing or not,
... (I suspect he knows darn well) ...
his treatment of you is wrong,
and he definitely lacks leadership qualities.

You had permission to ask the actor a question,
so you had every right to do so.

I think the "leader" was jealous of you
because you had that opportunity, and he didn't.

Well, I'm happy for you that you had a chance to interact with a celebrity at a convention.
More power to you!
Especially since you were kind enough to be a volunteer. :)



Summer_Twilight
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06 Sep 2017, 7:40 am

the_phoenix wrote:
Having been involved in many conventions myself,
I can tell you that many of the "leaders" have huge egos.
Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend.
His behavior sounds like narcissistic abuse.
Whether he knows what he's doing or not,
... (I suspect he knows darn well) ...
his treatment of you is wrong,
and he definitely lacks leadership qualities.

You had permission to ask the actor a question,
so you had every right to do so.

I think the "leader" was jealous of you
because you had that opportunity, and he didn't.

Well, I'm happy for you that you had a chance to interact with a celebrity at a convention.
More power to you!
Especially since you were kind enough to be a volunteer. :)


My "Friend" has seemed to be very easy going and is very soft spoken and I have always gotten along with him. However, he has appeared to weave himself into this little clique of this self-advocacy group. As I said, I don't like him very much because he's more concerned about covering his own butt than he is about how this group treats people and I am tired of it.

As for what happened on Sunday afternoon, I am over it now but his actions were so abusive that I couldn't stop crying during the rest of con which was off and on. I also decided to stop volunteering because I didn't feel like crying during anymore of the panels. So, I took Monday off to enjoy the rest of con.



kitesandtrainsandcats
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06 Sep 2017, 7:43 am

the_phoenix wrote:
Having been involved in many conventions myself,
I can tell you that many of the "leaders" have huge egos.
Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend.
His behavior sounds like narcissistic abuse.

Oh, I understand it, you mean just like all but about 1% of the Trekkies I've encountered.


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the_phoenix
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06 Sep 2017, 8:49 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
My "Friend" has seemed to be very easy going and is very soft spoken and I have always gotten along with him. However, he has appeared to weave himself into this little clique of this self-advocacy group. As I said, I don't like him very much because he's more concerned about covering his own butt than he is about how this group treats people and I am tired of it.

As for what happened on Sunday afternoon, I am over it now but his actions were so abusive that I couldn't stop crying during the rest of con which was off and on. I also decided to stop volunteering because I didn't feel like crying during anymore of the panels. So, I took Monday off to enjoy the rest of con.


In the future, I hope you won't let people like that get to you.
You deserve to enjoy the con.



the_phoenix
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06 Sep 2017, 8:55 pm

kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
Having been involved in many conventions myself,
I can tell you that many of the "leaders" have huge egos.
Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend.
His behavior sounds like narcissistic abuse.

Oh, I understand it, you mean just like all but about 1% of the Trekkies I've encountered.


I can't speak for the people you've encountered whom I've never met.
Are you a fan, or someone who can't stand fans?

In my case, I've found that people who hold lower ranks aboard ships
or who don't care about rank
tend to like me and enjoy my company at events and get-togethers.
Even then, I've found "fandom friendships" to be generally pretty shallow ...
probably because I'm a free spirit,
such that those who are followers don't want to be seen getting too close to me,
and as for the leaders, that's already been discussed.

Meanwhile, I make my own adventures.
And at this point, I'm becoming less involved in fandom and more involved in the art world.



Summer_Twilight
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07 Sep 2017, 8:58 am

the_phoenix wrote:
kitesandtrainsandcats wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
Having been involved in many conventions myself,
I can tell you that many of the "leaders" have huge egos.
Your "friend" doesn't sound like much of a friend.
His behavior sounds like narcissistic abuse.

Oh, I understand it, you mean just like all but about 1% of the Trekkies I've encountered.


I can't speak for the people you've encountered whom I've never met.
Are you a fan, or someone who can't stand fans?

In my case, I've found that people who hold lower ranks aboard ships
or who don't care about rank
tend to like me and enjoy my company at events and get-togethers.
Even then, I've found "fandom friendships" to be generally pretty shallow ...
probably because I'm a free spirit,
such that those who are followers don't want to be seen getting too close to me,
and as for the leaders, that's already been discussed.

Meanwhile, I make my own adventures.
And at this point, I'm becoming less involved in fandom and more involved in the art world.


I had never watched this show but being that I volunteered at their panel, I am now a fan. As for fans themselves, no I like fans. I hate attention whores as this guy was to us because he obviously doesn't get the whole of idea of how big this convention has gotten.



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16 Sep 2017, 12:55 pm

icechai wrote:
Sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like the con attendee was having a bad day and wanted to make someone else feel bad as well


This^^. There's always friction at these things, crowds and confusion getting everyone's back up. So often, someone's irriatation overflows at the first available target, no matter how unfair that is. As far as I can tell, his only legitimate complaint was the exit-blocking thing. And that was no malice or stupidity on your part, just the kind of tiny error that always happens in crowded situations. Worth an "Excuse me, could you...", not going nuclear at you.


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kitesandtrainsandcats
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16 Sep 2017, 3:05 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
I can't speak for the people you've encountered whom I've never met.
Are you a fan, or someone who can't stand fans?
I'm not sure I even could qualify as a fan since I can't watch TV or movies. Way back when a child I could but as I entered the teen years TV and movies became too intense and overwhelming. Did watch some TOS in the 1970s. I have seen some snippets and clips of things since then. I get Trek info mostly from books and the internet. Have had some models and miniatures. For a number of years had the Star Fleet Battles board game which is inspired by TOS.

Earlier this year, or maybe late last year, in a couple discussions of what the Discovery Klingons look like I posted that in the recent book by CBS and Paramount, "Star Trek Costumes; fifty years of fashion on the final frontier" on page, I think 63, without going to look it up, that in the 2nd or 3rd movie the designer Robert Fletcher had sketches based on the Klingons having a reptilian/crustacean genetic origin and that was why all the bony ridges. Okay, I just went and looked, it was Page 64, and Fletcher created the concept for the first movie and he also was part of the 2nd and 3rd.
So, I said that based on that there is precedent for Klingons to look that way.

In one place several members jumped my case for presenting movie production design sketches as legitimate references. Whaaaaaaat?
In another my comment disappeared and some member later informed me that since so many members and the forum owner did not know of the book my comment was dumped for being spam. Again, Whaaaaat?
And I thought, if they are as hard core and thoroughly informed of fans as they present themselves as and they did not know of the book, but I, the slacker of a fan, did, and spent the $60 USD on it, that is, in a word Fascinating.

Those are not the only occasions, they are illustrative of the overall nature of encounters I've had.
And there was a conversation over on the forum Starship Modeler where several other people have had that nature of encounter as their 'normal' interactions with Trekkies.

So, yes, several decades of experience have taught me to be prejudiced against Trekkies. And be it fair or not, all Trekkies are guilty until proven innocent.

On the other side of the equation, I am definitely a railroad fan, and have met a lot of pleasant people there, with a fraction being much like the majority of Trekkies I have encountered. Sort of a reversal of proportions.


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