I've had to do a similar thing with my mother.
Not that she got violent but she used to rubbish me, call me stupid, criticise everything etc.
I told her I wouldn't listen to her if she couldn't speak to me nicely.
Every time she forgot and started at me again, I would say, "I don't want to hear that."
Took a lot of training, and she still slips up.
But she's nicer to me now.
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It's like I'm sleepwalking