Coping With Prolonged & Involuntary Romantic Isolation?

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I realise that I'm not a great catch at the moment. I have no job, very little money, still live at home and have like 5 barriers/concerns as it relates to getting a car. My diet fluctuates between bouts of healthy-ish food and giving in and eating whatever the hell I want, and as a result, my body is not attractive, though my abnormal posture would probably ruin any chance of it being so in the first place.

Overall, I don't live a very balanced life, largely due to lacking motivation, stemming from depression and low self-esteem. My self-esteem issues are most majorly (but not exclusively) caused by my inability to satiate my romantic desires. I can't imagine any drastic changes in my self-esteem taking place until I am able to meet milestones that most of my peers reached years ago.

I have very little faith that my current trajectory is going to take me anywhere within the realm of romantic fulfilment, but by the same token, like I said before, the lack of romantic fulfilment I'm receiving feeds in heavily to my lack of motivation/self-esteem. I've been single all my life and I'm demotivated by the fact that no matter what I do, I'll likely have to keep enduring the same loneliness until I make drastic changes to the hedonistic lifestyle I'd carved in my best attempt to balance the pain I'm feeling with some pleasure. The negatives in my life feed each other and create a demon I'm not sure how to fight.

So here I am, hoping that someone has some sort of reassuring answer or solution. Heck, I'd take a coping mechanism other than the avoidance strategy I've been using until this point.

PS: If you're gonna say something along the lines of "give it time, it'll happen", or the like, and not substantiate it with any tangible evidence, I would implore you to do yourself a favour and not waste your finger energy typing out such an unhelpful response.

Sit down with yourself and start really getting to know who you are.
Make a list of your good qualities, traits you are proud of, traits that make you happy.
Make a list of the traits you think blocking you to have romantic success. How can you overcome them?
What do you think would make you more successful in dating?
Figure out an exact plan, day to day basis what to do to instill new habits.
What kind of women are you attracted to, what kind of women you want to meet? Again make a list of their personality traits, what they like doing, where they normally go etc. Make some changes to be more attractive to them.
Yeah I know I know, you shouldn't change for somebody else but that's kinda BS. It's the same thing when a 20 stone woman wants an athletic, tall and hunky guy. She might get lucky but she can improve her chances greatly if she loses 8-10 stones.
Are there anything you always wanted to do but you didn't do it, maybe because you had some fears or some other reason? Make a bucket list and start working on them, it will help with the confidence issues as when you see you are capable of more than what you think, that will raise your self esteem.
Don't ever get discouraged by others. It's not their life but yours only, also nobody really cares about you, everyone is more scared of making good impression, everybody's main focus is themselves. If they laugh, let them. It won't hurt you unless you let it. Just work on yourself.

Basically get the full picture where you want to be, how you want to be and break it down to small steps how can you achieve it.
Reward yourself too!
Of course there's a relapse sometimes but it's part of the journey.

This sounds easier than it is. Effing hard work. If you have excuses why this approach is not good, some people only have excuses, I can't do this, I can't do that and they keep moaning instead of changing, I have no time for that.

If you're looking for support from others like yourself, the word to Google for is "incel".

1. Get a job - you will meet people
2. Join a club - you will meet people
3. Ignore the last post as it is not helpful

aka "involuntarily celibate", a person (usually male) who has a horrible personality and treats women like sexual objects and thinks his lack of a sex life comes from being "ugly" when its really just his blatant sexism and terrible attitude. incels have little to no self awareness; even when they see other "ugly" men with girlfriends, they consider these men to be tricksters who have somehow beat the system and can get women despite being cursed with unattractiveness (in other words, theyre respectful to women and women are attracted to their personalities, but incels cant comprehend such a phenomenon).

Whoa - what kind of made-up garbage is this?

Are they writing Fantasy Novels at Urban Dictionary, now?

Due to the epidemic of women in physically and verbally abusive relationships, and the number of battered-womens-shelters, not to mention the noticeable-lack of self-respect that many women seem to have - it's no secret that many women ARE walking around with ugly men who they are attracted to, simply because they crave abuse and have no self-respect.

My own sister is exactly like that, and my Best Friend as well.

There are no ugly men who "beat the system" - however - it is known that nice men try to lose their "nice guy" image by being jerks, in order to get a girlfriend.

Many women are attracted to jerks - and the majority of women with those ugly guys are not with them because they are attracted to their personalities.

In fact - it is a known problem that when men are respectful to many women, they are branded as "nice guys" or "brotherly" and are thusly friend-zoned.

- These are all very real and well known circumstances that plague the lives of Autistic and Neurotypical men alike.

My own brother can't even get a girlfriend because he's very nice and also very handsome.

Many of the married men and men with girlfriends walking around noticably treat women like sexual objects!

- Honestly, if this "incel" fantasy propoganda garbage is on sites like Urban Dictionary and Reddit - that's just dangerous.

Why spread around garbage that is based in fantasy and has nothing to do with reality - and won't end up helping men and women alike?

Why did Ariel post that?

And a lot of the attitudes that people think are sexist are just more reactionary.

I don't know, but I hope she meets more people in the world, gains experience and doesn't support fantasy-concepts like the non-existent "incel".

Very true.

* Practicing Yoga will actually give you a great posture women will love. So seek out a local Yoga class - and that problem will be taken care of.

* Jogging indoors or outdoors for 20 minutes each day will make up for your diet, and will make you skinny regardless of what you eat. Jog to some music you like for just 20 minutes. It will improve your body greatly. I promise.

* As for the self-esteem - realize that many girls are with guys are who are ugly.
In all likelihood, you're very handsome.

You are also 21, so you have many opportunities open to you.

Go to your local Barnes and Noble or other book store, find an intelligent-looking girl and ask her if she would like to get coffee some time.

Suggest a time to meet her for coffee.

If she already has a boyfriend, then move on to the next intelligent-girl you see and ask her if she would like to get coffee some time.

If you select an intelligent-girl, then she already accepts you for who you are.

Your situation is nowhere near hopeless - the world seems like a complex place, but it's just a matter of navigating it.

Like a ship on an ocean.

And you will have smooth sailing.

I simply directed the OP to the community of involuntary celibate persons, who use the term "incel" to refer to themselves. The Urban Dictionary definition is pejorative (as are most Urban Dictionary definitions.) If he does not want to be given platitudes about how his situation will improve someday, talking to other people in the same position might give him some sense of being understood at least.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Incels/

The most important piece of advice I have to give is, stop tying your self worth to women and their perception of you. As soon as you are successful in all other ways, you'll soon realize that many of them are very fickle. There's no sense into putting stock in feelings that can change every other day on a whim. Ultimately, do what makes you happy. And not necessarily externally; money and toys and friends are great, but if it's all based on what others tell you that you should do, chances are you won't feel fulfilled.

As far as something tangible goes, what problems do you face with looking for work? Perhaps try to do some sort of research on your area, find out what might be lacking and why, or what might have high turnovers and why, start small and work your way up, don't sell yourself short even if you have to tell white lies. Make a good impression if you want and work extra hard when you get a job, but if you find you are fine with what you make, there's no shame in only doing what you have to.

Dieting and exercise are no fun, but again, when you do it for your own health rather than for validation from others, it is much, much easier. Trying not to meet an early grave is much more motivating than the hundredth pair of TnA.

All well and true. Trying to rationalize their poor choices makes it hard to take them seriously, but so many people take the narrative at face value, 100%, no doubt about it. Listen and believe.

^ Yeah, but the other problem is society in general, with that we are becoming like Idiocracy. Trends that start by affecting only a smaller subset of society can also spread and go viral into affecting everyone else in any way. You can't really stop the viral spread of social trends. Which is why lots of men complain about women because they only worship tall men. Maybe it's that only a certain subset of women thought they could be that picky or worshiping of tall men in the past, but time changes and it could have spread to enough of a large percentage of women to the point where men have such a low self-esteem mentality.

I'm not really all lost on my self-esteem or hope, but it does infect me knowing the way society is with the double standards and general collective stupidity.

That's really not a good place.

1. Diet: If it's not a diet you can maintain, then it's not a healthy diet for you. A healthy diet is one that is well balanced, has the right amount of calories and nutrients for you, is not extremely high in fat or cholesterol, and is easy for you to maintain. You can see a nutritionist or dietician and they can work with you to formulate a good diet for you.

2. Self esteem: When you walk into a group of people who have never met you before, your place in the social hierarchy is not yet established. So who establishes it? You do, for the most part. It's you and you alone who tells other people who you are, both verbally and non-verbally. Believe it or not, most people are not natural leaders. Most people lean more towards being natural followers and actually want someone to lead them in a group setting. They will automatically fall under the leadership of someone else. Some people are natural born leaders. They hate not being in control of a situation, or the center of attention, and will automatically act in ways to assert themselves. I'm not implying you need to be a leader, or popular....that might prove stressful for you, and if you were to try to assert yourself in this position, you will likely, at some point, be challenged by a natural born leader, but my point is, if you come into social situations viewing yourself as being in the lowest position, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Value yourself and understand that you have a right to be valued.You are just as worthy a person as anyone else. My dad likes to say "Fake it 'till you make it", but see number 3 below first.

3. Social Skills: A lot of people are shy and have social anxiety because they have poor social skills, and they know it. For these people, their shyness and anxiety is a valid defense mechanism that does keep them safe, however these people can benefit from taking steps to improve their social skills. Many posts here on WP offer some good pointers for improving social skills.

Women really don't worship tall men - I've seen short guys (who were jerks) with attractive, dedicated girlfriends and wives.

The main problem is most men not understanding and realizing the motivation of many women (which is the subconscious craving of abuse.)

Ugly and handsome, tall and short - these things in reality don't figure into it at all.

Many women (as you will observe) crave abuse - this is what they seek in a man - physical stature is actually irrelevant.

That is something apparently a lot of males are misunderstanding (hence the Incel/Chad fairytale)

- The key, is to find an intelligent-girl to be with.

Intelligent-women have self-respect and a cognitive high-awareness, so that they want to be treated with respect and they also seek to respect their man.

This is more rare, but you will recognize an intelligent-woman by her patient and accepting nature, and they are also attracted to nice guys.