How to show a fellow aspie I like him?

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I really like my former classmate as a person and suspect he is also on the spectrum. At parties we always ended up in the same small group of people talking to each other, and often it would just be the two of us alone. In class, I'd often catch him turning around to look at me (and he would simultaneously catch me looking at him). He's very sweet and even worse at eye contact than I am, which I appreciate. He also would remember small details about me, or bring up something I had posted on social media a week or so before. We have several shared niche interests, he calls me a nickname, and he would always say hi or stop to talk to me when we saw each other in passing. I don't know if any of this means he likes me more than a friend. Even if it doesn't, though, I am very happy being friends with him.

I went out on a limb and replied to one of his pictures a few months ago, which sparked a conversation. Now every so often he'll respond to one of my pictures or just send a message out of the blue (usually about a movie/video game/restaurant we both like) and we'll talk for a while. I really like talking to him.

The problem is I'm not pretty. Like, at all. And I'm also very shy. Sending that first message was a big step for me, and it was just a small, insignificant joke related to something he posted. I have never dated (could you tell?), nor has any boy ever really "liked" me, at least not to my knowledge.

Do you have any advice on how I could show him that I like him? Besides straight out telling him-- I am to shy to do that at this stage and I've also never really "liked" someone before, so I want to make sure I actually do before I embarrass myself. We don't live in the same city, but we will soon. Most importantly, do you think it's even worth trying? That is to say, is it possible he likes (or would like) me even though I don't really have much to offer? Thanks in advance!

From what I have learned so far in my life is this: you will never know unless you ask. This goes both ways. If you like him, and he hasn't asked you out somewhere yet, ask him. Not only do people waste their time beating around the bush, but they also miss a lot of opportunities.

If he's really on the spectrum too then subtleties will get you nowhere and possibly leave him confused and angry. Take the dive, even if it doesn't go your way you'll be better in a few weeks and be ready to move on to something/someone else. If you don't (this might just be me mind you) it's going to eat at you until you do and/or drive you nuts.

Based on what you're saying, I suspect there's interest from both sides. Also, just because you think you're ugly doesn't mean he does. People have varied tastes, not everyone wants an extra-thin supermodel type. I sure don't.

**edit** good luck

Thank you for your replies!

It's interesting that people think I mean "I'm overweight" when I say that I'm ugly. I'm actually very underweight, to the extent that I look more like a preteen boy than an adult woman. Even when I'm wearing makeup and a dress, strangers will come up and ask me if I'm transgender. On top of that, I have bad acne scarring, bad teeth-- stuff that cannot be fixed quickly or cheaply. That's what I mean by "I'm ugly".

Even if I had the confidence to tell him that I like him or ask him if he wants to go on a date, I wouldn't know how to say it. I've never been asked out (no surprise), nor have I ever asked anyone out before. My ideas of courtship are a little antiquated, I think, so I don't really know how people my age go about it.

I'm worried that he might just see me as one of his guy friends (literally). I can't tell because I don't know the difference between interest and friendliness.

How 'bout "I like you a lot and would like to go on a date with you"?

Again, beauty is very subjective, and (for me at least) heavily influenced by my opinion of a person. Some girls I knew I thought were nothing special when I met them but came to find them quite attractive after getting to know them, including many that didn't fit the classic descriptions for beauty.

Use your mouth to form words that deliver a clear message.

The other respondents are right when they say that (especially if he's Asperger's), subtlety won't tell him anything.

You've got to be completely out-in-the-open with him. If the current "format" is that you and he are at least close friends, then that should entitle you to speak frankly to him.

Approaching someone is easier said than done. I never could, for a long time, so I shouldn't talk. But following my fear, and taking the easy way, by missing-out instead of trying, was a disastrous mistake for me. So I have to say something when someone else is letting it happen to them.

I think that frankness and honesty are alright, and not something that genuinely sets you up for disapproval (...even though that's the way it feels). I think that's the necessary approach.

You don't necessarily believe that he's interested in you, and there's no reason to approach him by saying that you think that he might be.

Instead, you could just state some facts: ...that you're tired of being alone, and want a relationship with someone ...that you like the qualities that he has. Then you could say something like, "And, because we often talk, and seem to be friends, and because I like a lot of your qualities, then, before starting to meet other men, I'd like to start closer, and, just to be thorough, to find out if our friendship is going to go in that direction or not.

...and, if not, that's something that I should know right away, so that I can start meeting people."

Something like that, emphasizing that you want to meet a boyfriend, and want to check with him before starting a wider search.

Frankness and honesty can only be alright.

Speaking for myself, if I were your age and single, your "disadvantages" that you described wouldn't put me off.

Michael820

I visited him yesterday at his house. He made dinner and we watched a couple of movies. It was really nice.

I sat on the couch and he sat in the recliner, which was a little disappointing.

He always hugs me at the end of our visits and this was no exception. The last time he hugged me it was so tight it kind of hurt. And it’s always kind of awkward because I think we’re both mentally trying to process whether or not we should hug.

The hugs are really nice and so is spending time with him, but I can’t tell if it’s just a friendly thing. I send him messages every now and then— like telling him how much I enjoyed hanging out or complimenting something he did— and I kind of get carried away and type too much. He usually just responds with a simple sentence and I usually feel really dumb for starting to bare a little piece of my soul.

I feel kind of stuck, like I’ve gone as far as I can without just shaking him and shouting “I LIKE YOU” at his face. I really don’t know if he likes me “like that”. Things like the incredibly tight hug seem like a good sign, but him sitting across the room while we watch movies and being kinda of aloof in messages give me doubts. I’d appreciate some outsider insight. Thanks!

I've been in this boat many of times, especially when I was younger. I look back at all of the opportunities I missed, because I was scared, and hesitated too much.

If the direct approach is too much pressure, try this:

From my experience, most people tease and joke around, and throw a few hints (sexual, or romantic interest) out there to "test the waters". If they see that the other person shows any interest, then they pursue it further. If not, then they back off, without embarrassing themselves, or the other person.

After you have done this a few times, it gets a lot easier, and the fear goes away. So, even if this doesn't turn into anything, look at it as good practice.

I have nothing useful to add.
I just came here for the sloth astronaut avatar.