Hi! I think I might belong here but not sure

Post Reply New Topic

Hi. I think I might be an aspie but not totally sure.

Would be interested in your opinion.
I was apparently diagnosed as autistic when I was a child but the diagnosis was dismissed by my family at the time.
People scare me and I don't understand them.
I spend all my time pretending to be normal and I find that exhausting.
Any strong emotion is totally overwhelming and it can take days for me to recover.
Loud noises, sudden movements and crowds send me into a state of anxiety, then panic and my brain shuts down
I basically have trouble coping with life.

I live by myself with three dogs and a cat.
My current obsessions are self sufficiency and geopolitics.

I just know that something is really wrong with me and I find it very difficult coping with being alive.

You do belong here. Welcome. c:

Welcome, Giselle.

Anyone who treats other forum members decently is welcome here!
If you were diagnosed as a child, then it is likely that you are somewhere on the autistic spectrum, as it is a lifelong condition, and often more easily diagnosed before we have learned to "pretend to be normal". There is always a chance of misdiagnosis, of course, but that is true of any condition. If you hang around here for a while, I think you will soon get a feel for whether your life experiences are typical of other people on the spectrum, and that will put you in a better place to decide if you want to get a more formal second opinion or not.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hello and welcome.

Everything you put was familiar either to myself or to the posts of others I've read on here so I really hope you stay and give us a try

I was constantly exhausted by the level of effort and focus that it takes to be around other people, while they find the company of others revitalising, but getting my diagnosis has removed the sense of needing to apologies or make up for this deficiency, it's given me the confidence to not compete with what's normal or attempt to fulfill their expectations. At 42 I shouldn't have needed something else to legitimise my choices in life but it has made it easier in my own mind.

I find other people confusing because they don't say what they mean and for some reason whatever words I use, they always interpret me as meaning something other than what I said. And they like to suffocate me with their emotions which they do without warning and I am overwhelmed and my emotions close down and then they say I have no feelings. And they don't understand that my obsessive behaviour is not the enemy but my way of coping.

Sorry I am not concise when trying to explain my feelings, I am an Aspie

He he, I just reread my post and saw that it looks like I ignored your question and just talked about myself. I meant it as something to compare with, although there is lots of variations among us. I also meant it to imply (when I should have said) that I thought you should get an assessment, though only if it's what you want.

Welcome, Giselle.

That's the story of our lives. However, the fact that you could be autistic never made a difference to you up to this point. Why do you bother now? What brings you here?

Thanks for the warm welcome guys.

I appreciate you sharing, fluffysaurus. I think listening to other people may help me understand about myself.

MagicKnight, I guess I 'm here now to try and figure myself out and get some guidance with coping in life, if I indeed have Asperger's.

It was only a year or so ago that someone suggested I may have Asperger's and I new next to nothing about it except for the classic stereotype 'rainman' thing. But then I did some research on line and listened to lots of people talking about their lives and it made me scared and sick to my stomach to realise how familiar a lot of the stories were. And then every test I took placed me well and truly in the high functioning autism range.
I haven't gone for proper assessment because I live in rural Australia.

All my life I knew there was something seriously wrong with me but for years I was able to put up an appearance of 'normality' when necessary and then I would have to go away to a private place to reverse from being normal.

The real cracks started to appear around fifteen years ago. my husband had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and as he deteriorated I found the stress of caring for him and working full time too much and I pretty much lived in a state of perpetual breadown for several years.

When he died, I knew I could no longer continue as I was and moved to the country where I didn't,t have to interact with anyone I knew hoping that the quiet and removing the pressures of the city would help me heal. I switched to being a contractor for my previous employer and worked over the internet.

Then I met a man who turned out to be the true love of my life.

Five years later he was dead of a massive heart attack.

So now I am totally broken. I have massive incapacitating anxiety attacks. I can no longer work at all. I'm dealing with constant overwhelming grief and depression. Anxiety is always there in the back of my brain waiting to erupt and I flirt with thoughts of suicide.

The only options are to try and piece myself back together or to kill myself.

I feel that perhaps the only way to heal is to start from the basics and to understand and deal with the underlying wierdness of my personality and try to build from there.

Also, I'm pretty damn lonely and at the moment I can't be around real people at all. So I thought interacting online might help.

So that's my story

It sounds like you are likely autistic. The stress of pretending to be normal and dealing with the sensory world is probably something many autistics can relate to. I hope things get better for you.

How are you doing? Anxiety depression, and loneliness are all signs of grief as well as being common among those on the spectrum. I think you should speak to someone about grief counseling if possible, ideally someone with experience with those on the spectrum.
But I also hope you stay on here, have you tried the forum on WP called 'the haven' yet. It's for when things get to much, which is quite often for a lot of us, but there's no need to feel awful on your own.

You've been through a lot, it's not surprising you're having trouble coping, and nothing to feel bad about.
I've found one of the good things about WP is just knowing there are others out there experiencing similar difficulties. ASD would be so isolating if not for the internet.

Thanks guys.

I've been to three psychologists in the area - very nice and sympathetic people but I don't think they knew quite what to make of me and certainly weren't able to help. I'm not able to go through that again right now.
I've been reading some posts on 'the Haven ' but haven't felt ready to post yet. A bit shy still, I guess

Hello again

Thought I'd see haw you are doing. I was a bit shy at first too, particularly with this being my first forum. I spent time at first just on the 'getting to know you' section, saying hello to other new people. It made me realise that having mixed feelings about being on the spectrum when the idea comes into your life is very normal (normal for people on the spectrum and on WP )

I think you very probably belong here Giselle, - and don't be surprised if Psychologists and / or Psychiatrists you see know nothing about Aspergers, as many of them do not, let alone being able to diagnose it. There are parallels in what you write with my life story.

Hi. I have a cat.

I'm really sorry your husband died. That is terrible, and I hope you find a way to piece yourself together. This is a good place to start.

I'm starting to see that wierd isn't the worst thing a person can be.