wrongcitizen wrote:
I've always struggled with this, especially this part. How should I act or behave? I can make eye contact, but I make it too much. That alone seems to work as a defense but then they always come around with more insults. I want to be able to defend myself and fight against unjust criticism. How should I carry myself in an argument so I don't look bland and weak. I talk louder but that doesn't make a difference. I talk with more insults here and there but that only seems to make them call out for backup. My friends are also pretty unconfrontational. We defend each other but not at that moment.
Scenario: Someone comes up to me and I screw up and drop something. They call me an idiot. If I say nothing then they KEEP calling me an idiot, day after day. I become known as the "clumsy one", but insert something much worse. It's not the insult that bothers me, because I'm pretty sure I'm not an idiot. It's their confrontation. I want to defend myself and EFFECTIVELY so I let them know they're an as*hole. How should I behave, what should I say, and how do I say it at that moment without weird pauses, stuttering, etc.
As I said before, I don't struggle with eye contact. I either make none or I literally stare nonstop, I'm not sure when I should be changing from looking away to looking at them. Where do I look? How do I hold my hands, body, etc.
When you do confront them, stand facing them, and look them in the eye. Don't ever stand slightly sideways or look away, as that is a nonconfrotational stance and can easily be seen as weakness.
There are a number of things you could try saying. If I were you, I wouldn't go for trying to keep the dignity I know I have, and not succumb to immature verbal backlashes. Something very simple and direct like, "I am not an idiot (or whatever they call you)" maybe. I would not say something like "Could you please calling me __________" as you give them a choice, and it can backfire, especially since they probably have no reason to respect your wishes and don't want to be seen as weak in front of their peers.
Try to come off as strong yourself, without making the bully feel socially threatened, especially if they are liked and popular, and if you don't have adequate social support. Otherwise they might just intensify their attack.
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"Lightning is but a flicker of light, punctuated on all sides by darkness." - Loki
08 Dec 2017, 3:49 am
