is this my fault

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hello i have a issue since past year where i spend around 10 hours a day ruminating feeling suicidal and moping in bed whole day.

from 18 to 21 i was in a relationship with a older woman(9years). the last two years i was thinking about breaking up but i kept delaying it.

when i broke up i felt bad that i wasted 2 years of her life but i didn´t feel extremely bad since it was a mistake.

then i read how it is increddible difficult to marry after 30 in our country and declining fertility etc.

i start to feel extremely guilty i never knew that her future was depending on me.

i spend 4 months in a mental hospital and the rest of this year bed ridden in bed because of the guilt.

honestly i think about commiting suicide the guilt is unbearable.

i don´t feel guilty for stringing her along for 2 years since i was a inmature young adult but i feel guilt for ruining her life
what if i was honest and she would be married now?

those toughts keep tormenting me 10 hours a day.

i know feeling guilty isn´t helping her at all but i have no control about it.

should i commit suicide or will i ever get past this a year already passed and whole day i have extreme anxiety.

No, it is not your fault.
She is responsible for herself. And her life is nothing close to be determined by those two years. Her live is determined by million of her little everyday choices. You are not responsible for her.

You have a clear issue with guilt. Have you sought help for it?

It's not your fault.

Like Magz said, you should seek some sort of counseling on an outpatient basis.

Agreed - that isn't on you. You might be taking a bit too much responsibility for this.
Have you spoken to her since you broke up?
Maybe she's married by now, or maybe she just doesn't want marriage. Maybe she doesn't regret the time she spent with you or blame you for anything. Maybe she's out living her life and assuming you're out living yours, not torturing yourself because you're imagining you've hurt her.
I don't know about the cultural side of where you are, but people come and go, relationships start, and end.
It's no reason to hurt yourself - in any way. Maybe if you spoke to her you could resolve it?