Mental catch 22 - serious depression

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I'm pretty much done with life. I can't carry the stress of interacting with people anymore. I think of killing myself frequently.

Should I go the hospital? If I do that means I lose a job. If I don't have a job I can't pay child support or maintain a residence. My ex would never let me see my son again (also on the spectrum). As it is she only let's me see him twice a month for 4 hours. He is the only thing that makes me happy.

In the past,I have had to work in another state to be able to pay $500 child support as well as support myself. Twice I tried to move back to Portland, but couldn't afford it and had to leave again. I have finally found something that is close and pays enough.

If I get medical assistace, I lose my job and the 8 hours of joy I have would be gone....probably to never return.

I think it's just a matter of time now. There seems to be no alternative. I'm really open to...something else?

That sounds horribly stressful. There are ways to get help, that will be kept confidential. Does your work have an Employee Assistance Program? Or does your health insurance have a phone advice nurse? They should be able to direct you to confidential counseling, in a way that won't affect your job, or visitation rights.

But if you need emergency suicide hospitalization - absolutely it's better to get help, than the alternative. Your son would rather have a dad he can't see for a while, than no father at all. Hang in there and please reach out for help!

Your ex sounds like a direct contributor to your depression. I think fixing that aspect would help you more than anything else.

I think more time with your son is more than warranted. Can you get a parenting coordinator on board? She doesn’t have to adhere to the parenting plan as long as you both agree to deviate, if that’s her excuse.

I let my ex H have kids every day after work, if he wants, and every weekend—or at least come see them if he is too tired to have them over. That is more than what the separation terms were but it is good for him AND the kids both.

Surely your ex cares about the child’s
emotional wellbeing, if not yours?


Being that the child has special needs too, it is even more important you see him more, the parenting coordinator can help explain this to her.

I copied this quote from a parenting coordinator’s website:

‘Don't steal their right to have a relationship with both of their parents. It is abuse!’

Your EX is Abusing the child is she is purposely keeping your contact so minimal.