05 Jun 2007, 2:11 pm
I have written a piece that I put on my Facebook to let my friends, family, and various connections know a little bit more about me. I did it on Q and A paragraph format, and I thought that it would be nice for any of you to read, should you like to. 
Enjoy!
Jess
PS- Any questions, do email me.
~~~~~
Okay, people.
I figured I would give you a little Q and A as to what's going on up in the old noggin. This isn't really something that I talk to a lot of people about, and it's something I'm pretty sensitive to in my life, so I'd like to set down a few ground rules with the comments and questions in this note.
1. I really don't appreciate such comments such as, "Like, are you ret*d or something?" or, "Are you in the Special Ed?" Those of you who know me know that I'm not ret*d, and those of you who don't should do your homework and research what you want to know. If you're truly not sure, ask me, because I really don't dig the public humiliation bit, and if you're looking for a cheap laugh, you're a jerk.
2. One of my pet peeves is sympathy, especially when it's not needed. Seriously. I don't feel sorry for myself for what's been happening, and I certainly don't want anyone else to either. And try to keep God out of this whole thing. I don't need God to bless me and tell me I'm "special". Seriously. I get it.
3. If you want to talk to me about a specific problem or issue that you have or that you're wondering if I've got, please message me in private, because I am somewhat unaware of the things I say or do. So there.
4. If you've been a victim of any of these somewhat embarrassing social nuances, I'll apologize in advance and try not to use your names. Thanks for putting up with me.
So with that being said, here's the deal.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, AS, about three years ago, by my parents and wonderful shrink, Holly. Asperger's Syndrome is a somewhat misunderstood disability on the autism spectrum that is usually misinterpreted as a person being somewhat off, geeky, or just weird. People have celled me weird and strange all my life and I'll admit it: I am. But that doesn't make me any less of a person than you are.
For more information about Asperger's Syndrome, please feel free to visit this website:
http://www.cureautismnow.org
And this one, because I love Wikipedia. Please don't kill me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
Q: You say that Asperger's Syndrome is on the autism spectrum. Are you autistic?
A: In a sense, yes. But it's a yes and no at the same time. Autism is a severe mental disability, and as the brilliant author Jerry Newport wrote, "If a neurotypical is water, and autism is whiskey, Asperger's Syndrome is in between." People with Asperger's Syndrome are usually high-functioning, intelligent, individuals with specific interests and focuses. There are also varying levels of AS, ranging from high-functioning and low, what we call high and low on the spectrum.
Q: What was your childhood like?
A: My childhood, which I consider from my speaking days to now, was a rocky road. I started speaking at the age of 9 months, and I could form cognitive sentences by the age of around two or three. As long as I can remember, I have been singled out as a student, academically and socially. My elementary school years went without major conflict, aside from a few incidents that were ignored at the time, but are now puzzle pieces that fit into my diagnosis quite well.
My middle school years were another story, though. I was teased ruthlessly by people who I knew and hated, and worse yet, by people whom I thought were friends. I was misunderstood and felt that nobody would ever want to be my friend. Throughout that time period, I went through what no child should ever endure. Teachers became my friends and I tried as hard as I could to be on the same plane as my peers. I even ran for class president, and lost. [Twice.] Now I am 16 and in high school, and things are much better than they were before, but people still misunderstand me and I thought I'd open the doors to my mind for a bit.
Q: What do you think caused your Asperger's Syndrome?
A: The theory with me is my irregular birth. I was born three months early and my parents thought that I would have many various birth defects because of my prematurity, such as cerebral palsy, mental retardation, and any variety of mental and/or physical disabilities. But I did wind up with AS, and I'm glad I didn't end up with anything worse.
Q: They say that people with Asperger's Syndrome have circumscribed interests. What are yours?
A: Here is a small timeline I have recreated from my childhood. Enjoy!
3-5: Horses. I knew every breed, size, color, and origin of all horses, and took frequent trips to Rose's Orchard in North Branford, CT, where I would ride not in the hay wagon, but up in front with Bob and Duke, the Percherons.
5-7: Dogs. I was, like with horses, obnoxiously obsessed with dogs. I knew all the breeds and etc, and thought I was a dog for a good year and a half of my life. I did have some little kid resentment because I asked for a dog and didn't get one when I was ten.
8-10: I'm going to be embarrassed about this later, but I was pretty nuts about Pokemon. I had all the cards and stuff and role-played with my cousins and little school chums and stuff.
11-13: Musical Theatre. Actually, this has more or less meshed with a few other obsessions now, but that was pretty much the age range that it covered. Anyhoo, now I've got a substantial collection of over 80 albums from musical theatre, scores from various productions, and lots of photos with cast members. I go into the city by myself at least once a month and see a show. Although I'd say that musical theatre isn't my main focus now, I still consider it my passion and am in love with it. I can also play 6 Degrees of Stephen Sondheim with almost ANY actor, actress, director, or producer. Beat that!
14-15: Music and various electronics! My parents kind of get pissed at me now when I take apart too many pocket radios, but I love messing around with them so I can pick up radio stations in China. I am also learning C++ and getting a new computer very soon so I can use more programs.
16+: At the moment, I can't really say I have a specific obsession, but there are a lot of things I throw myself into and try to interpret. Some of these include:
- Writing
- The artistic and wording style of T. C. Boyle
- Music Theory!
- Guitar
- The sexual inhibitions of humans.
- Actually, people in general. As I'm one of them, I need to "get it" all.
- Shakespearean styles.
- Iambic pentameter
- The French language
- The French Revolution
- French literature
- Charles Baudelaire
- Email and text messaging.
Q: Why do you use big words so often?
A: People with AS tend to have very high IQ's and sometimes have three or four words for words that neurotypicals have only one word for. I use big words, personally, because I don't have any other words that come to mind. Seriously. "Scintillating" just comes into my head when you say something about say, a favorite band, or a new book by Augusten Burroughs.
Q: Do you have any friends?
A: I'd say that I really don't have a lot of friends, but more "acquaintances". A lot of people say hi to me in the hallways, and I don't get Snapple cans thrown at my head anymore, thankfully. I have a wonderful, understanding boyfriend who knows about my problems and is working with me on putting up with them. The closest friends I have are unfortunately, often further away then I can travel to. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if I didn't have friends like Gabe, Lila, Greg, Matt, Ben and Reba, and Mike, to name a few, I don't know what I would do.
Q: What can I expect if my child is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome?
A: On the plus side, you'll have an engaging and intelligent child with many interests. Oftentimes, you might be a little overwhelmed because you won't be able to catch up with them and might not know what to expect. But that can be fun! Embrace it. If your kid likes tractors, take them to the farm and let them touch the John Deeres. Nothing makes an Asperger's kid happier than being able to see their obsessions up close and personal. I remember being obsessed with The Phantom of the Opera, for some reason, when I was seven. Long before my parents knew I had AS, they catered to this and supported my every whim, and on my 7th birthday, I was taken to POTO on Broadway and had one of the happiest days of my life. My parents put up with more than any parents should have to, and they have [or have tried to] molded me into the young lady I have become.
Q: Why do you call me ten times in the middle of the night and email me all the time?
A: Sometimes I really don't know when enough is enough. I have anxiety issues and sometimes depression, and oftentimes, I get worried that someone is no longer interested in me, that I have received an unsettling email from someone I care about and will not be settled unless I reassure myself that there is no email, or that something bad has happened and I need to reassure myself that that person is okay. Or sometimes I am lonely and want to talk to someone. I am loyal to those I care about, and sometimes people have left or lost interest in me because they think I'm a stalker or too clingy. I guess you could say I am a bit clingy, [See?] but I truly care and love those that I get attached to.
Q: Do you have any serious tics?
A: I have no serious tics, aside from a few that I really cannot control. One is touching. I only allow certain people to touch me intimately or in a loving manner, and if I am touched unexpectedly, I will sometimes stiffen up and freak out a bit. My friends love to bother me when I do that, even when I tell them not to. :/ But most of the time, they respect my boundaries. Another problem I have is certain unexpected noises, like the microwave or too much noise around me. I flinch. But it's all good.
And sometimes I will spout random facts that nobody really wants to know, but people say that's endearing.
Q: Has your Asperger's Syndrome helped you at all in the workplace or school?
A: Aside from the little sophomore slump this year, AS has given me an IQ of somewhere above 150, and grades that excel. I am gifted in the French and Latin languages, I am a profoundly gifted writer, [or so I am told] and I picked up the guitar and memorized a few dozen chords in a weekend. I'm not very good with my hands, but I know the chords and can name and pick out a few songs. I also have an extremely extensive vocabulary and am an excellent speller.
Q: What would you say is the biggest problem about AS?
A: Well, I don't think I'll ever be able to participate in team sports, [at a party recently, I was haunted by recurring memories of being picked last in gym...and what do you know? I was picked last.] but if you ever need a scorekeeper, I'm your girl. That is, unless I lose track of the game and start talking to your little brother about the size of his computer's hard drive and its RAM. Oh well. But really, my problems kind of coagulate in various places. My problems around the home are specific boundaries and moralistic issues, and I do have frequent temper tantrums with my parents over small things. They understand, though. And they love me. At school, I am confounded with lots of small things, and a few big things, too. Kids don't understand me, and I doubt they ever will, but I'm working hard to get my message out and about so that even if they still don't understand me, they'll know what's up. Sometimes I have problems with classes- if I don't like a subject or class, I will simply lose interest in it and not do it. This usually results in failing grades and late papers. I really have to engage myself in my work so that I can pass a class and go on to bigger and better things!
So that's my Q and A. I really hope that this rant has helped you learn about me. I'd like to thank a few people who have helped me along my journey. To my wonderful friends--Gabe Laracuente, Lila Koppelmann, Ben and Reba Watsky, my wonderful cousins, Matt "Xallamax" Moretti, Greg Kerestan, and others who have made me the person I am now. I love you guys and hope you'll continue to love and live with me. My family's also been ultra supportive and without them, I'd probably be either dead, in a psych ward, or worse yet, undiagnosed. Learning about AS is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, despite the horribleness that it might entail. If I hadn't learned, I would have gone through this life thinking that I was weird and strange, and would wonder all my life. Now I don't have to. Thanks, mom and dad!
Thanks for reading my little essay, and I hope this has helped you as much as it's helped me by writing this down.
Musically,
Jess
Last edited by Cyrano on 05 Jun 2007, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
richardbenson
Xfractor Card #351
Joined: 30 Oct 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,553
Location: Leave only a footprint behind
05 Jun 2007, 2:16 pm
the internet is a wonderful form of socailizing isnt it jesse 
05 Jun 2007, 2:39 pm
05 Jun 2007, 3:19 pm
05 Jun 2007, 7:34 pm
Rick- Can't complain. And I'm always up for socializing!
Penguin- Go ahead! I liked the idea, didn't copyright it, so go for it.
Tequila- Curebie? Nope. I knew it was incurable, but I'm trying to leech out its benefits. I don't want to cure it or myself. Too lazy, ha ha. 
05 Jun 2007, 7:51 pm
05 Jun 2007, 8:36 pm
06 Jun 2007, 4:46 am
06 Jun 2007, 6:31 am
Tequila- Like I said, laziness...I just googled "Asperger's Syndrome" and took the Cure Autism Now link and the Wikipedia one...there isn't an official Asperger's website that I could find...maybe I'll link to these forums!
9CatMom- Thanks! I like to write and have a website full of my own fictional pieces and essays, but this is my first essay on AS.
Mitch- There's not really a specific spectrum, but some people with AS are more high-functioning than others.
06 Jun 2007, 7:04 am
- The sexual inhibitions of humans.
I am into the sexual perversions of humans, we are complementary
06 Jun 2007, 7:07 am
06 Jun 2007, 7:31 am
yes. anytime they find one of those damned aspies....they hold them down and beat the hell out of them.
06 Jun 2007, 8:02 am
