Helping my boyfriend mourn

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Hello, this is my first time posting on this forum but I was wondering if anyone had any advice or experiences that they can share with me.
I know mourning is a process that everyone experiences differently but I’m truly at a loss on what I myself can do to help.
My boyfriend, who is 21 years old and has aspergers, heartbreakingly lost his younger sister yesterday to a dehabilitating condition that she’s had since birth. And though her passing was not entirely unexpected, it still came as quite a shock.
Now I’m rather worried about him as although when he first found out and when he went in to say his goodbyes to her he did get upset, he has now returned to his normal self, laughing and making jokes like it hasn’t happen. But I know he’s not in denial and understands 100% the concept of her being gone.
Should I be concerned by the fact that he’s not mourning in the way that I personally would expect? And is there any advice anyone could give me to help him mourn?

Many thanks, SarahThank

Welcome Sarah,
The best possible help which you can offer him is your presence. Most people are too afraid of their own mortality to really help; they either withdraw emotionally (or run away physically); or they feel a compulsive need to offer advice, or distraction; to fill up all the silences with increasingly meaningless chatter. But, death is silence, and all that activity isn't really to help the other person grieve, but to assuage their own discomfort. It is a rare friend who can simply sit quietly by, bear witness to another's suffering, and offer their presence without conditions or expectations, when words are empty and advice meaningless. This presence is increasingly vital in the days, weeks, and months after the funeral, when the rest of the world returns to their busy lives and appears to forget.
A prolonged, expectant death is experienced differently than a sudden traumatic one, and we all grieve differently, and in our own time. The best loved ones can do is to provide the safe space for that grief to unfold.
Besides Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, you might like Joan Halifax's "Being With Dying".
May peace be with you both.

“Aspies” often have delayed or atypical emotional reactions.

Best thing not to do is constantly ask him what he is feeling. He might not have worked it out yet. He most likely knows you care and are there for him

I agree. Don't emphasize the tragedy. If he feels like speaking about it, listen. If not, don't mention it.

People mourn in different ways. It might "hit him" a few days, or a few months, from now.

The best way to "help him mourn" is to not "mourn" unnecessarily, just for his sake.

There is no one "appropriate" way to mourn.

I have Asperger's.
I was exactly the same when my mother died.
I was initially upset, but it was for a very short time, and then I went back to my "normal" self.

At the time, it bothered me a great deal, simply because it didn't bother me (hope that makes sense). I couldn't understand why, despite everyone else being destroyed by the event, I seemed fine. I couldn't process that.

And that's the point.
I know everyone is different, but in my experience, I deal with emotional trauma in the same way a child does. A typical child is not equipped to handle huge traumatic events, so after a bout of initial stress, they just put the whole thing in a box (metaphorically), and move on. They don't do it on purpose, it's just how it's handled by their brain.

I'm exactly the same.
I don't know if it's healthy, but that's how it works with me.

As for advice? Well, just treat him as you would normally, don't question him constantly about how he's feeling, and be there, just in case he needs you.

If that had been me, I might have always been ready for her passing. Gale Garnett had a hit song with the chorus "We'll sing in the sunshine, then I'll be on my way." Aspies can be very realistic about things.
Then too, If his family was like mine, there would be no reason to mourn, because no emotional connection had been established. When my father died, the hardest thing was attending the funeral, a social event. When mother died, her last words to me were "Don't call me, I'll call you." We had never fought.