"You'e doing good."

Post Reply New Topic

Do people or has anyone ever told you this while you were having a meltdown or a shutdown or when you were overwhelmed or having a panic attack? They tell you you are doing good when you try to tell them how you feeling or what you are going through?

People often say that when I mention my social anxiety/ineptitude. It's not comforting or encouraging, and I hate it.

It may not be very helpful or feel very good, but I'm pretty sure they're trying to help and be encouraging and understanding.

They feel that you're doing what you need to do to get over the meltdown/shutdown and trying to encourage you. And I they're probably more or less right except for one thing: you probably don't want them to be social in this situation - you probably want to be alone.

I'm just thinking of the scenario (I think I've seen it in movies a few times) where someone's really angry/frustrated/sad is crying and someone helps them by saying something like, "That's good, let it out". They probably think the same thing applies here.

Yesterday my bank decided to cancel my debit card on me and that ruined my day and put me in a crabby mood because I had to use my credit card and then that changed my day because I then had to go to the bank and stuff to get a temporary card and then I couldn't relax because I kept getting interrupted because my mom couldn't wait to move some furniture. And my dad said I was doing good.

They don't understand and don't know how else to respond. However they are unaware of this, they think they understand but do not. They mean well but their help is not helpful.

@LeagueGirl: I can only speak from my own experience when others have said this to me...

If my experience is representative, then I would guess that he meant that you were handling it, and you were continuing to function, and that you were getting done what needed to be done, despite all the crap and crud and distraction and diversions and annoyance and irritation. It was intended as a compliment not only to you but to your ability, in the moment.

NTs use this phrase to reassure one another too (if your dad is NT). It's an extreme shorthand and doesn't always come across as helpful. I've managed to ask once or twice what was meant and the explanation I was given at the time is pretty much what I've typed here. This was from people who "got" me and weren't generally condescending, so I felt safe enough to ask.

Hope this helps, or at least isn't in itself annoying.

No. Maybe never. No one ever 'sugar coats' my fits of meltdowns and shutdowns. No one tries to assume what I'm supposed to feel if I get overwhelmed or confused, or anything really.

Either they'd leave me alone, or let me be, or try to move me out of the way, or attempt to solve things quickly. It mattered a little if they convey annoyance, concern, or confusion. Not once a person ever flat out say 'You're Doing Good'.

The closest would be a poor attempt of diffusing tension by cheap humor or telling me to smile, and still far from saying that I'm doing 'well' with a pat on the back on it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.