feeling rejected by wife

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Hi there. Been a while since I've posted. So hi!

I have some heavy-duty mommy/abandonment issues and whenever I try to snuggle up or be affectionate with my wife, she recoils or tells me that she's not in the mood, "not right now" with a parenthetical question mark to indicate "maybe" later. I asked her the other day if we could make out. She said no in a weird, "we're not in high school" kind of way.

Whenever she rejects me, it hurts and I take it personally. I don't know what to do about it. I just don't understand what it is about me that is so repellant to her.

How long have you been married?

I don't sense that it is "you." I sense, perhaps, that she feels complacent in the marriage, and that the "magic" (i.e., sex) is not there any more.

It's not your fault. It's just that you've "gotten used" to each other.

Perhaps, ask her what you can do to turn her on.

Try being helpful / encouraging to her throughout the day? Like little reminders that you value her as a person.

Couples therapy could also be a good option and give you more avenues for improvement / fixing things.

Good luck!

She doesn't love you in that anymore, sorry to say that. Some women have their libido totally dead after menopause, they become asexual.

These things should happen naturally without the struggle of asking and serial rejections if there was a mutual desire.

Welcome to marriage, brutha. It can be a bait-and-switch, especially as you get older. Don’t take it personally. Just remember why you got married in the first place and that love is in what you DO for each other, not in how you feel.

There was a time when I had sex 3 days a week, EVERY week. Now I’m lucky if it happens one time a MONTH. Twice in a month is REALLY GOOD.

Actually, she’s been more frisky in the last two years, so I can’t really complain. Part of it was having a baby, another baby 18 months later, being homeless for a summer, being hounded by bill collectors, poor health, bad living conditions, and having ANOTHER baby within 4 years of the last one. History and stress can take a toll.

You may just be stuck. But if there are things getting in the way of intimacy, you might be able to get it back. You harm no one by trying.

Ladies (Chronos and Hopelessly3), why are you assuming that he's not doing his part of work? That he's at fault and that's why she no longer wants him?

The guy is 44 years old, his wife is probably around 40, the main culprit is most probably the menopause or she no longer finds him attractive.

Does your wife know you feel rejected?
Yes, she may really be not in the mood, stress and hormones and everything, but love is not only about sex drive (despite anything Boo says) without a sexual drive she may still deeply care for you.
Can you let her know how you feel? Maybe you both can arrange some time when you are both really relaxed. Tell her how important it's for you.

Make a romantic dinner. Wear a little cologne. Wear a jacket and tie.

Boo, very few women go through menopause at 40. And you certainly don't have enough information to make pronouncements about her libido or feelings. There are lots of possibilities.

You need to find out why she doesn't want to get intimate with you. You can't solve the problem without knowing which problem to solve. The most likely things are...

Too stressed out from daily life.
Doesn't still have strong feelings for you
Has a health problem (possibly unaware of)
Feels unhappy or dissatisfied with life in general (depression)
Doesn't feel herself to be attractive (this is not rational)

The most likely would be a combination of 1,4,5.

I would say it's because you being too attached and nice. It's in Gods way that God created women to be repelled by that. You need to man up and start being more manly. Then she will love you again. Just some advice. These are qualities that you can learn. Try to be a as*hole here and there without hurting her. Trust me on this advice.

Once women get beyond a certain maturity level, it's probably not wise to be an as*hole at any point. They've gone beyond that stupid stage.

Some people aren't into making out, me and my hubby has never made out.

Relationships / marriages aren't about making out or having sex / making love, it's deeper than that. It's about two people becoming one, you have to be willing to put her needs above yours and likewise she should do the same.

Women should respect their hubbies and men should love their wives.