How I almost lost my composure on a train.

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So, I was coming back home on a train, and my friend who was sat next to me was asking a bunch of different questions, and they were starting to stress me out.

I felt the sudden urge to start flapping my arms about in a panic. They kept asking if I was OK, and commenting that I looked drained.

Words temporarily escaped me as my mind drew a blank, the urge to panic seemed to be getting stronger.

However, I managed to get to the station without giving in to the urge to flap or panic in any such form in public.

Instead, when we got to our station I went into a toilet stall, locked the door and flapped my hands for a bit, letting myself freak out as much as I want.

Then I pushed all my strength against the wall, and breathed slowly in and out in order to calm down. I imagined myself at a beach, and when I finally felt calm I came out of the toilets.

Not sure why, but I just felt like sharing this. Anyone with a similar experience?

I've had rather similar experiences when I became overloaded in a sensory sense. Usually when other stressful things are happening in my life.

Well....that just about clinches it. You just might be on the Spectrum

But, really, don't think of it as a disaster. It definitely does not preclude success.

yes! actually just recently i spent a few days in the city and got homesick and had a small meltdown on the bus. i was also taken to a concert and had a meltdown there.its just a sad part of having ASD, you are going to have embarrassing fits in public. But its good to have a kit with you. i carry my backpack with me at all times and in it i have

- Distracting electronics to keep my mind occupied along with all chargers
- sunglasses for places with harsh lighting
- two sets of headphones (one that play music and strong noise cancelling ones that do not play music)
- a small sonic plush to make me feel calmer
- diet coke
- my wallet with my medical card in it explaining my autism (along with my medical alert bracelet)

if your verbal skills are compromised during meltdowns a medical bracelet can be very helpful for others to understand and also if the police are called and you are not able to explain your situation. i got mine on Amazon.

I had a full on meltdown on the bus a couple of months ago. It was crowded and noisy and the schoolchild behind me was kicking my seat. I was anxious because I had an exam that morning. My noise cancelling headphones had just broken that morning. I bent over to tie my shoelace; my glasses fell off and I couldn't find them. That was the last straw. It started with a panic attack, crying and hyperventilating, and then the person in front of me asked me if I could get off the bus. I ended up banging my head on the window and shouting at them to leave me alone. Then I was scrambling around on the floor looking for my glasses. No one helped me look for them. I found them eventually.
Having meltdowns in public is terrifying.
Got full marks on the exam though!

Currently (and I'm hoping it stays that way) I haven't had any moments where I've shown my distress in public, aside from pulling at my face, and being only a slightly bit slower than usual to respond.

Granted, when my mind draws a blank it can be a bit disorientating, but it's only for a short moment and then I can start replying again, I just have to hold on until I find somewhere I can escape to.

I'm fairly good at picking up on my rising stress levels, so I know when to remove myself from the situation if necessary.

Toilet stalls I find to be a good place to de-stress, because they offer privacy.

I tend to bring earphones with me to potentially busy places such as restaurants, that way I can listen to music and relax a little. However, I don't have any noise cancellation ones.



Hey, that's great! Congratulations, I bet you celebrated after that.

Whenever I'm out in public and have to be in an enclosed area like a city bus, my anxiety skyrockets. And I guess you can say that nothing but ill and violent acts repeatedly reeled in my mind of the things that I would want to do to every human being on the bus I'm on. For what? For just utter despise, memories of how much I've been judged and treated differently by the likes of people, including being bullied on the bus back in high school. The stuff I witnessed humans do to those that are not fit for social norms as well as a plethora of other things. I would begin to sweat, breathe heavily and sometimes shake and develop clammy palms wanting to escape.

There was a time years ago when I was on the bus coming home from college and there were people having a conversation about something that was making me uncomfortable and the first thing in my mind was to snap at them. Yell with anger through my vocal cords and become defensive. But I just ended up getting off early and spending an extra 20 minutes walking back to my place.

Now, it's been years since I had to take a city bus somewhere and I hope I never will... Also, I have had electronics such as an MP3 player and a phone I used to listen to music but sometimes I can still hear what people talk about and sometimes I may have forgotten to charge or bring it that day.

When I have a meltdown in public....it tends to just be me yelling and looking like the Devil to others and either shouting threats....or rambling nonsense. It's scary and embarrassing for me.... It's also rare that I do it though because I try not to have one obliviously but it has happened.

I can't count the number of times I've retreated to a bathroom to quietly freak out for a while. Of course, depending on the bathroom I can only stay there for a little while or I'll start freaking out over how dirty it is.

I recently attended a seminar in an effort to get myself out of the house on occasion and I freaked out a bit in public. I'm not used to big crowds and the seminar turned out to be way larger than I had anticipated. Waiting for it to start I was packed into a lobby with a huge number of people milling around. I had to fight my way toward a wall so I had at least one side with no people around me, I hate being completely surrounded. I was so stressed out I started making my distressed noise really quietly under my breath, along with twitching my hands and tugging at my hair/ears. When it was time to enter the room it ratcheted up my nerves again because I had to interject myself into this huge stream of people heading for the room, and then I ended up sitting way closer to the front than I like to. Luckily a lady let me snag the seat at the end of the row, so I had access to a quick exit if I wanted. It would have been pretty embarrassing if I thought any of those people gave me even the slightest bit of notice. It was such a huge crowd I don't think anyone cared what I was doing.

I guess all I'm saying is take heart, fellow Slytherin, I think most people here have days like that. I'm glad we have a place we can share the experience.

I've come close to losing my composure on a few occasions as well, but instead of flapping my hands, I wanted to punch something.

Yeah, that was often my reaction when I was younger, if people got too close I would freak out and feel like punching them. In fact, I did punch a few people at school. One was due to personal space issues/ claustrophobia, and the other because I misunderstood a comment.

This kid got so close that I could feel his breath on me, and it was like time slowed down and before I knew it I'd punched him in the face. At first I was in shock, it didn't feel real. I felt quite bad about it. That was never my intention...to punch him, I just seemed to lose control in a moment of sheer panic.

As for the other kid, well it was my birthday and teasingly she sang "You look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!", because I'd never heard of that joke I presumed that she was just randomly insulting me, and how dare they insult me at my own birthday! I thought.

Then I punched her, only to be told later by grown ups that it was just a joke and she didn't actually mean it.



Welp, that would've been nice to know before I punched someone in the face. It's kind of funny looking back on it really.

Sometimes I'm glad to have such understanding friends in my life who can accept what I go through. The day after, my friend asked me if I was OK, and brought up the fact that I seemed distressed on the train. He apologised for freaking me out and said he felt guilty, but then I reassured him that it wasn't entirely his fault and that sometimes I just get stressed like that.

They also asked if that's why I went to the toilet, bringing up the fact that I'd mentioned in the past how I had a habit of retreating to public bathrooms in times of great stress/ being overwhelmed. Damn, I guess I really am that predictable.

He admits that he doesn't fully understand it, because he doesn't get stressed like that, but he can respect my desire to retreat for a while and doesn't judge me for it. I never thought I'd have that kind of conversation with a friend, at school my friend group just thought I had diarrhoea all school term because I went to the toilets so much lol.

This happens to me all the time. I'm never able to control my stimming; it's the only thing that allows me to hold it together long enough to not have a meltdown wherever I happen to be. My body doesn't care what looks weird to people in a public setting; if it needs to rock, flap, hum, bounce and pace to keep me from hitting my head on the nearest hard object, it will, and there's not much I can do about it.

Well done for keeping it together. Did you explain what it felt like to your friend? If they know, they can be a good support person for the next time this happens (and sadly, with ASD, there will always be a next time). My friends are really good at reading my small signs and helping me escape to take a break when I need it. They provide deep pressure hugs, or go on a walk with me so I can get the energy out without wandering away and getting lost (that's happened before).

I have this kinda thing quite a lot, the toilet is my refuge too! Often I end up sitting on the bathroom floor rocking backwards and forwards and flapping/tapping until I calm down. I normally go for the disabled toilets for this a bit more privacy, and even better if you have a coat or something you can put on the floor lol.

I also do it if I am over excited. I am way better at controlling my stimming when upset. When excited there's no controlling it at all. Everyone at work is used to me jumping up and down and flapping xD. At least its not threatening *shrugs*.

I have a very similar kit in my bag which comes with me everywhere. In it I have:

My ipad, which has games, music, calming sensory apps, and an AAC communication device.

A small container that carries my earplugs, advil, my rubber chewy stick, lip balm and bandaids.

My little stuffed dragon.

Several stim toys that clip to keychains on the bag strap.

A large button pin on the front of the bag that reads, "I have autism, thanks for being patient!"

My phone and wallet.

Getting my ipad was one of the best things I ever did for myself, disability-support-wise. It has so many uses and support apps, I struggle to remember how I got by without it. I have it in a bright red case, and it has a sticker on it letting people know that it's assistive technology for a person with autism.

I vaguely described it to them when they asked, I said that it was like there was a box in my stomach that kept getting gradually smaller and smaller until it started ripping at the seams and felt like it was going to explode outwards.

That's how stress feels like to me, a box shrinking away until the sides fall apart. Nervous energy flows through my arms. I have certain signs that tell others that I am feeling uncomfortable in a situation, the main one being that I tend to pull or rub at my face a lot when I'm feeling aggravated or stressed, particularly the skin under my eyes or gently on my ears.

Also, I might tuck my shoulders in and my elbows may face inwards, basically my body becomes quite coiled. This may be followed by humming, pacing and/or slower responses.

I've been told that my eyes also appear to be distressed/anxious. Now, it could be possible that the lack of sleep I've experienced recently could be having an effect on how I deal with stress, so I really should get into a better routine (plus, it wouldn't hurt to anyway).

The thing that makes me believe it isn't stimming is because I can control it, for me it's more like a compulsion that's brought on by stress, that although tempting to give in to, can be ignored and put off. Although, the longer I put it off, the more it bugs me until I do it. That nervous energy has to go somewhere.

People that know me best often pick up on my signs of distress, and offer me the opportunity to leave a given situation if applicable.

I don't know if I have an ASD, I function fairly well for the most part; I have friends, my stims are more compulsions if anything, I can sometimes pick up on sarcasm and have learnt to be less literal (although this varies and I can still slip up on this at times), can be sarcastic myself, also I'd say that most of my social failings are mainly restricted to the past, and that I've learnt a great deal over the years to the point where I can make chit chat, start conversations, and just generally talk to others with ease.

The side of ASD that I can most relate to is the sensory issues, because that's where most of my problems lie. So, a part of me suspects that SPD is more likely rather than ASD. There are certain smells, sounds and physical feelings that I just can't stand to the point where I sometimes have to excuse myself from certain events or family meals because of not being able to handle it.

My RAADS-R scores (in my signature) actually show what I struggle with quite well, for most categories I scored just over the threshold, but I was quite a way over on the sensory/motor section.

I actually prefer less pressure when it comes to hugs, overly firm hugs have a tendency to make me feel claustrophobic since they make me remember what it was like when people would squash me in the corner of walls.

So I guess that's less a dislike of touch, and more claustrophobia? Hmm.

I'm on the Spectrum.

I have friends. I have a job. I have a wife.

I've been described as being one who has "residual Kanner's Autism." I can never hope to be an Aspie.