Aspie girl is afraid to meet me....help?

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ehymw
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08 Feb 2018, 6:30 pm

We had been a pseudo-couple for a few weeks and had communicated in every possible way other than face to face.

We were supposed to meet on Wednesday but at the last moment she bailed and now she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

After a while of talking she said she didn't know why she was afraid to meet me and wasn't sure if afraid was even the right word for how she felt.

Anyone have any relevant experience or insight they'd like to share?

I'm hoping to at least meet her once.



kraftiekortie
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08 Feb 2018, 8:19 pm

Just keep talking to her.

In this case, "familiarity" will probably not breed "contempt." After knowing you a bit better, she might soften, and agree to meet you.

Make sure you both meet in a "neutral" spot, like a restaurant in town.



ehymw
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08 Feb 2018, 9:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Just keep talking to her.

In this case, "familiarity" will probably not breed "contempt." After knowing you a bit better, she might soften, and agree to meet you.

Make sure you both meet in a "neutral" spot, like a restaurant in town.


She's agreed to meet me in a public places twice and bailed both times the day of.



kraftiekortie
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08 Feb 2018, 9:32 pm

I've had that happen to me, too.

I can feel your frustration.

I hope she does change her mind some day.



AngelRho
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08 Feb 2018, 10:37 pm

ehymw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Just keep talking to her.

In this case, "familiarity" will probably not breed "contempt." After knowing you a bit better, she might soften, and agree to meet you.

Make sure you both meet in a "neutral" spot, like a restaurant in town.


She's agreed to meet me in a public places twice and bailed both times the day of.

Twice? I see no future in this. If it’s true that there are plenty of fish in the sea, then you need to throw this one back and get back to fishing.

Actually...I don’t care if she’s the only fish in the sea. Throw her back.



Mr_Miner
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08 Feb 2018, 10:55 pm

She might have some anxiety about meeting. Don't take it personal. If you like her try to do the online date thing I guess. Like text her and things like that for a while. But also make it clear where you want this to go and that is to the normal place most couples are. We see each other in person.

It depends on how much you like her. Is she worth it? Do you think she is telling the truth?



GiantHockeyFan
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09 Feb 2018, 7:10 am

It was my experience that anyone who bailed on meeting had no intention of getting together at all and only want a 'pseudo' relationship. Best to move on unless you want to be bald from pulling your hair out. You should have told her that 'afraid' or not what she is doing is rude, rude, rude and you don't have time for such childishness.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Feb 2018, 9:22 am

GHOST her; stop talking to her and watch is she will initiate.



fluffysaurus
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09 Feb 2018, 5:20 pm

ehymw wrote:
We had been a pseudo-couple for a few weeks and had communicated in every possible way other than face to face.

We were supposed to meet on Wednesday but at the last moment she bailed and now she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me.

After a while of talking she said she didn't know why she was afraid to meet me and wasn't sure if afraid was even the right word for how she felt.

Anyone have any relevant experience or insight they'd like to share?

I'm hoping to at least meet her once.

I think I would feel terrified to meet someone I liked but hadn't actually met before in person before as well. It's really down to whether you believe she is genuinely anxious or is playing some kind of game. If you believe her then is this really such a big thing, taking a bit longer to meet up, it's hardly a major character flaw, even if it must be frustrating for you.



blackicmenace
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09 Feb 2018, 5:46 pm

Perhaps you caught a catfish.


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Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell


Sabreclaw
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09 Feb 2018, 5:58 pm

AngelRho wrote:
ehymw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Just keep talking to her.

In this case, "familiarity" will probably not breed "contempt." After knowing you a bit better, she might soften, and agree to meet you.

Make sure you both meet in a "neutral" spot, like a restaurant in town.


She's agreed to meet me in a public places twice and bailed both times the day of.

Twice? I see no future in this.


I see a future in this; one wrought with serious anxiety and communication issues. I agree with AngelRho that you should find somebody else.



muff
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09 Feb 2018, 7:52 pm

dont meet in a neutral spot. meet her where, when, and under whatever conditions she would want to meet.



fluffysaurus
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10 Feb 2018, 3:10 am

I can't believe how many guys (not all) are telling you not to bother :( She's an Aspie female, she is going to have issues, you happen to have come across one of hers early on which might be why you have a good chance with her because a lot of NT guys would assume she's playing games, but since you understand that's extremely unlikely from an Aspie you should just be patient. The best way to get her to meet you is to take the pressure off about doing it, tell her to let you know when she's ready and keep communicating in other ways.



Sabreclaw
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10 Feb 2018, 3:22 am

fluffysaurus wrote:
I can't believe how many guys (not all) are telling you not to bother :( She's an Aspie female, she is going to have issues, you happen to have come across one of hers early on which might be why you have a good chance with her because a lot of NT guys would assume she's playing games, but since you understand that's extremely unlikely from an Aspie you should just be patient. The best way to get her to meet you is to take the pressure off about doing it, tell her to let you know when she's ready and keep communicating in other ways.


Because it's raising a serious red flag. If she can't even meet up with the guy when arranged, twice, then there's something pretty serious going on.



fluffysaurus
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10 Feb 2018, 3:22 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
ehymw wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Just keep talking to her.

In this case, "familiarity" will probably not breed "contempt." After knowing you a bit better, she might soften, and agree to meet you.

Make sure you both meet in a "neutral" spot, like a restaurant in town.


She's agreed to meet me in a public places twice and bailed both times the day of.

Twice? I see no future in this.


I see a future in this; one wrought with serious anxiety and communication issues. I agree with AngelRho that you should find somebody else.

Because it's so easy to find someone else?

Because anxiety and communication issues aren't inevitable?

Because Aspie females don't have real Aspie issues so nobody needs attempt to understand them?

Because caution and hesitation are the first signs someone is an evil monster?



fluffysaurus
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10 Feb 2018, 3:26 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
fluffysaurus wrote:
I can't believe how many guys (not all) are telling you not to bother :( She's an Aspie female, she is going to have issues, you happen to have come across one of hers early on which might be why you have a good chance with her because a lot of NT guys would assume she's playing games, but since you understand that's extremely unlikely from an Aspie you should just be patient. The best way to get her to meet you is to take the pressure off about doing it, tell her to let you know when she's ready and keep communicating in other ways.


Because it's raising a serious red flag. If she can't even meet up with the guy when arranged, twice, then there's something pretty serious going on.

Yes, it means she's really anxious about it. I get really anxious about some things, I'm still hoping to find someone who will be understanding about those things. Don't most Aspie's get anxious about things that seem easy to normal people?