Why would my family say these bad things about marriage?

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For as long as I lived, my family, immediate and extended, and their adult friends, would tell me things about what married life will be like. All of them were incredibly off-putting. Here's the list, not ascribed to any particular person or my age at the time it was said.

* "Forget about your interests! They're not important! What matters is how your and your wife other feel about each other." ("feel about each other" = "her interests")
Counter-argument: Why only her interests and not mine? Is it because she's a woman and I'm a man?

* "If you want a dog, and your wife doesn't, then you'll have to accept the fact that you can't have a dog!"
Counter-argument: Why can't she accept having a dog instead?

* "Right now, you have to obey your parents. When you grow up, you will have to obey your wife."
Counter-argument: Who will I have to obey if I stay single?

* "When your wife yells at you, you will be quiet and listen to her! She does it because she cares about you."
Counter-argument: Then screw her and her caring! I'm staying single, so I don't get yelled at.

* "You will meet a woman someday, and she'll care about you very much!" (said in an angry tone)
Counter-argument: Does that mean she'll use caring as an excuse to control me?

* "When your wife cooks something, you will eat it and be thankful for it, even if it's something you don't like!"
Counter-argument: What the fu__? And let me guess: I have to give up foods she doesn't like.

* (And more similar statements, the exact wording of which I forgot.)

I'm pretty sure the people in my life wanted me married off to a woman at some point. And they only recently made peace with my perpetually single, MGTOW-esque lifestyle. Then why would they tell me how horrible married life will be? Heck, they succeeded already! I'm more determined than ever to keep all romantically interested women at arm's length. While in the past, I at least enjoyed going on dates.

People say very similar stuff to me like about if I get married I'll have to get rid of most of my books. Basically lots and lots of s**t about compromise. I'm fairly certain they were trying to put me off getting married not the other way round, and no it isn't any easier being female although most of the comments to me have been from females.

I do think you should eat something if someone goes to the trouble of cooking for you though.

Honestly, sometimes i feel a lot of married men sound like dogs.

I'd need context to be able to answer your question properly, but...

Sounds like you have a family of rigid thinkers, stuck in the world of stereotypes and clichés. If I was a wife (eek!) I'd be nothing like those descriptions, apart from caring about my spouse very much, but not to control him/her. You seem to have added the negative onto that point - what is so terrible about your wife caring about you?

As for the dog thing, it makes sense to me that if someone can't have something around, the other has to do without. I certainly wouldn't get a [pet I love] if my spouse hated them or was allergic or whatever, if we lived together. (You don't have to live together though! )

I think some of this has come out as a push against some of the older marital values that existed around the 50s and 60s, where women were subservient to men and had to dress for them, clean for them, cook for them, and accept their anger and lack of appreciation if it wasn't to the standard of their husbands.

So in a way I think it's used to 'tame' men into thinking that their wife needs to be valued and respected as an equal authority. There is an assumption in here that the man that is being told these things needs to have his head reeled in, lest he think that it's okay to boss a woman around or expect her to bend to his whims

So I disagree that these statements should be taken literally, as though women have the ultimate right to power in the relationship. I think the sentiment is about sharing power in a society where women are often subjugating to dominant or aggressive men

Obviously it's misguided in some ways, since plenty of men these days are respectful of women

I've been living with my girlfriend for over 5 years & she's nothing like this list except for the dog thing. I want a dog & she wants one too but thinks our place is too small. She had a cat when we got together but at one point she adopted a kitten in addition to the cat she already had but she gave the kitten to her parents cuz her old one didn't like the energy.(how come our place is too small to have a dog but it was big enough for us to have a 2nd cat ). She adopted a pregnant cat without consulting me a while after her old one was put to sleep cuz of kidney problems(we gave the kittens away so we just have the mom now) & I still cant have a dog yet she says how she still wants one & would get one if we had a bigger place & she says a dog would be even better for her issues than having a cat. Would I be in the wrong if I were to adopt a dog on my own without consulting her I think I would so I won't.

...MGTOW = ?






te and extended, and their adult friends, would tell me things about what married life will be like. All of them were incredibly off-putting. Here's the list, not ascribed to any particular person or my age at the time it was said.

* "Forget about your interests! They're not important! What matters is how your and your wife other feel about each other." ("feel about each other" = "her interests")
Counter-argument: Why only her interests and not mine? Is it because she's a woman and I'm a man?

* "If you want a dog, and your wife doesn't, then you'll have to accept the fact that you can't have a dog!"
Counter-argument: Why can't she accept having a dog instead?

* "Right now, you have to obey your parents. When you grow up, you will have to obey your wife."
Counter-argument: Who will I have to obey if I stay single?

* "When your wife yells at you, you will be quiet and listen to her! She does it because she cares about you."
Counter-argument: Then screw her and her caring! I'm staying single, so I don't get yelled at.

* "You will meet a woman someday, and she'll care about you very much!" (said in an angry tone)
Counter-argument: Does that mean she'll use caring as an excuse to control me?

* "When your wife cooks something, you will eat it and be thankful for it, even if it's something you don't like!"
Counter-argument: What the fu__? And let me guess: I have to give up foods she doesn't like.

* (And more similar statements, the exact wording of which I forgot.)

I'm pretty sure the people in my life wanted me married off to a woman at some point. And they only recently made peace with my perpetually single, MGTOW-esque lifestyle. Then why would they tell me how horrible married life will be? Heck, they succeeded already! I'm more determined than ever to keep all romantically interested women at arm's length. While in the past, I at least enjoyed going on dates.[/quote]

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Well, if this is how people around you see marriage, then don't get married!
I guess they confuse care with control. Funny that people here in Poland do it too. Althought I have very good feedback from psychologists and teachers about my parenting style, I often get criticised by elderly ladies about being not controlling enough towards my kids. Like, letting them decide if they want to wear their hats and gloves or not. Heck, they know if they are cold, I don't!
I hate to control and I hate to be controlled.
And I'm married. 9 years now. Sure, there is struggle in living together but when I look at your list...

* "Right now, you have to obey your parents. When you grow up, you will have to obey your wife."
Counter-argument: Who will I have to obey if I stay single?

* "When your wife cooks something, you will eat it and be thankful for it, even if it's something you don't like!"
Counter-argument: What the fu__? And let me guess: I have to give up foods she doesn't like.