Can autistic people have girlfriend?

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Hi all.

I'm 20 years old and i've never had a real girlfriend. Because i have Aspergers syndrome and social anxiety, i suck at talking and making relationship with someone. Not only girls, with everyone. I talk with nobody. I hesitate to start a conversation with someone. In high school some people were talking with me and tryng to know me but after some time they rarely talked with me because probably they realized i'm weird (autistic) and nobody wants a weird friend. Also i have very low self esteem and i'm very shy. Let alone dating a girl, i cant start talking with someone. I dont know how to fix my problems.please give me advices and sorry for my bad English. Thanks for any help

Yes, I know what you are talking about. The best advice I can give you is to assume a passive attitude. You can not force or "work hard" because it will become unnatural and strange. Esp. women are able to notice this, and are turned off by it. Though I realise you have social needs, try to find your peace mainly elsewhere, eg. hobby, carreer, sport etc. Then without even making an direct effort, you will find the right friends and girlfriend. Have a lot of patience.

The right woman will come along when you least expect it. Just be yourself.

You can, but realize women are looking for a good deal for themselves too. I'd definitely follow the previous posters' advice on not forcing things. That goes without saying. If you'd like someone who could potentially be a long term partner or spouse, then..

Women like guys that are independent. Work toward a career by planning out schooling or training and sticking with it. Once you have your own place and a car, this is a big plus for a woman.

Women also like guys with connections, but you can develop connections by just joining groups that meet regularly. A few of those people will likely eventually warm up to you seeing you all the time and be comfortable around you. Being quiet but participating in their stuff is perfect for them to get to know you more.

Good women don't like guys that are dealing with addictions. Stay away from drugs and alcohol or pornography as much as you can. Also cigarette smoking is a turnoff for many people. If you can avoid those, that puts you instantly ahead of so many guys who do those things.

(note I know many women say porn doesn't bother them but I've personally found it to make you look at women more as objects than as people - especially for autistic people who are already less sophisticated socially - and this stops you from seeing the nuances of women and developing rapport based on those nuances)

Women like guys who are physically healthy. So exercise regularly and eat healthy as much as you can.

Women like guys who are thoughtful. You can develop your thoughtfulness by thinking of nice things you can do for others. These can be small things and it's like building muscles. It's ok if people think your weird - remember it's the thought that counts.

Women like guys who are good with kids. Kids are usually less judgmental. This might also help you with your anxiety and give you needed experience with people.

Women like guys who are good with money. Create a budget and start saving some of your money. Doesn't matter how much you have, you can save a small amount of it.

Women like guys who know things and have skills. Develop yourself. Tons of online resources nowadays. You have no excuse.

Women like humble guys. Lean into your difficult feelings and don't distract yourself too much and just give them time to ride out. Might not seem like it but you are probably feeling way worse feelings than the majority of other guys. This will create in you a humility and character that some women will really appreciate.

Hope this helps. It probably won't happen overnight and even if it never happens, it will make you a better person.

Women don't like sweeping statements about women

You do know that's a self contradiction

hence the wink

I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who like weird people and would love to be with someone like you. Keep looking.

If Hitler was able to have a girlfriend, anyone can have one.

cue for a song

sorry to hear that. lonliness can be one of the worst feelings in the world. i know this sounds cliche but you just need to find someone who likes you for you. people on the spectrum can and do date, get married and start families. it can just take longer than others to find someone.

Hi friend.

As to answer your question, def. Auties can have a GF. Personally I had 2 past relationships, one was extremely serious lasting 3 years... all of them were after age 20 so you're still young and have nothing to worry about (I'm 24 myself so alot can happen in 4 years)

Also I know aspergers who got married so I wouldn't be worry. You need to be capable of holding a relationship tho, IE being able to accept a significant other into your life.

I'd like to see some real statistics of ASD people and relationships. I would not be surprised to learn that the majority of autistics spend their lives alone.

All I ever hear are anecdotes of "well so-and-so is on the spectrum, and they are in a happy relationship."

First of all, ignore all advice that says "believe in yourself" or "women will come along eventually". That is just generic BS that people say to make someone feel better. It does not change anything for that person.

Unless you are willing to work on yourself, nothing will happen. Develop your social skills, go out more and talk to people, do not think of women as aliens from another planet, they are just like you and me - human beings looking for contact with other human beings.

Also, reach out and show that you are interested, try dating sites. Take classes in dating if that is available. Find a girl penpal online and write to her and just talk to her like a normal person, do not try to get into bed with her.

Sitting at home hoping for a change while doing nothing will not make the situation better. I changed from a complete introvert and got out, i went with my friends to bars and clubs, i hated it, but i got more social and were able to pick up quite alot of social cues. Sit down on a bench somewhere and just observe people interacting socially with each other. Learn what makes someone a kind person vs a bad person.

Observe, adapt and change.

Yes, autistic people can and do have significant others. I speak from experience here.

I suspect neurotypical people use these generic terms as code. They imply that you need to be patient... as you, of course, do the work you've just described.