I don't know about the "know it isn't pointless" thing because I still think it was pointless. but it was definitely because I was still trying to interact with people out of loneliness. I just think that trying to interact with people is pointless. there is no end to the feeling of total isolation. but at least now I'm only a week away from leaving civilization. my life has been useless because all I've done is rely on destructive processes for survival so far and anything good I may have done with myself up to this point has been totally outweighed by the damage that I contribute to by eating food from stores, using electricity, using technology made from nonlocal resources, riding in vehicles, drinking municipal water, etc.