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This is my first post. I've been looking for a forum to get advice and insight. I didn't want to so the Facebook thing because of privacy issues. My son hates me talking about him. He was diagnosed with Asperger's at age 10 but I knew he has it at age 5 we just didn't get it diagnosed. He has two cousins with it on his father's side so I had seen it. I have two neurotypical daughters who are 19 and 4. His bio dad isn't in his life and is a drug addict in and out of jail but he has a great stepdad he is close to . My husband is very patient. So I wanted to give a little back story but my real concerns are issues with Independence and freedom. He can drive and is pretty high functioning except he is late to work alot, he lost his keys again today, he tries to be social but is very awkward. He gets frustrated that he can't budget his money so he's broke alot, he gets frustrated that he has no dating life and he wants to move out on his own badly but I don't see that happening and honestly think it's a bad idea. His psychiatrist tried to talk him into applying for disability but he won't and works a low paying job and spends what he does make on video games and junk food etc... He is on Zoloft for depression and he tells everyone that is his only diagnosis. We are trying to give him responsibilities little by little. He makss friends who use him and he can't see it which is also a huge concern.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

You’ll get excellent advice in the Parents’ section.

People in “adult autism” tend to talk about sexual things.

I see that you've taken me up on my advice----even before I gave the advice LOL

It is just one post but what I see is him, you, and the psychiatrist focusing on what he can't do. I have some of the same tendencies he has and while life will never be sunshine and roses, all involved need more of a balanced outlook between unrealistic optimism and self-fulfilling pessimism. Disability does not mean inability. What I mean by that is that autistic people are people, we mature at sometimes slower rates and in weird and different ways than typical people but we do learn and mature.

Generally, psychiatrists are not the best clinicians for autism, psychologists are especially those that specialize in autism. These specialists are often quite difficult to find because adult autism has been discovered relatively recently.

At some point, it is important that he accepts that he is autistic. This is difficult because us guys are taught or are "wired" not to look in at ourselves or admit weakness.

What is going on with the job? He does not have to love his job but he does not have to stay in a job he despises.

If he is staying up too late and thus oversleeping work timers and are recommended idea. Set the timer for a certain time to stop with the games and set an alarm for bedtime.

For the time being is there anybody who can help with and teach him personal finances? There are courses off and online for basic personal money management. Similar idea with "friends" who are not really friends. Are there any people who could be his "Wingman"?

I would recommend focusing on working on one issue at a time when possible. Autistics generally do not do multitasking well.

I would also suggest looking at our Parents section. There are not only other parents of autistics there but plenty who are on the spectrum themselves.

Welcome! I don't post often, but I saw a special recently on employees with autism at Microsoft. They have mentors who check in on their employees (most of whom have connected and bonded over video games and other social events) - sometimes daily (there was one employee who probably would have worked through the workday without eating lunch if he didn't have someone to pick him up!). I agree with AsPartofMe; if there is someone at his company who could just check in with him, maybe that would work better than him feeling like he is chronically late/unable to finish a task, etc.

I don't quite know a lot of about this product, but I see a lot of ads for Tile, which I think is a tracking object you can put on your phone, car keys/house keys, etc. It utilizes your cell phone (since most people are never without that!) to track your items. Maybe that would help him with his keys.

My kids are only 16 and 14, but I found that the Family Mint Money Management program really helped them understand financing and budgeting. It comes with a book that outlines the benefits of saving, the purpose of a checking/bank account, credit cards, etc., but you can couple it with an on-line program for saving. It's kind of cool because you can categorize your savings and save towards something. And since the money is "virtual", you don't need to worry about him actually taking the money out and spending it. Even though he is earning a real paycheck now, he could fiddle with the "virtual" aspects of his spending, with maybe you holding on to his pay for a little while? It may seem elementary for a 20-year old, but it sounds like he still needs to see the benefits of saving and budgeting. There are other programs out there, but I would encourage you to go through the program with him and have him do a trial run for a few months. Also, doing a budget for a hypothetical "move out" (rent, down payment, utilities, groceries, etc.), may have re-think if he is ready to move out on his own. It's not meant to be mean-spirited, just realistic.

Good luck!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!