Standing around looking like a weirdo

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At social events, it's always the same --- there are groups of people about, and all I can do is stand around, not knowing where to go or what to do, and end up standing there like a statue, staring into space. It doesn't help that the multiple conversations are like a swarm of insects, buzzing around my head, which pretty much forces me to zone out. Sometimes, a person will make brief eye contact with me and turn away, which upsets me; I really hate it when people glance at me and look away without saying anything, as if I was some inanimate object not worthy of conversation.

The times I do have a conversation with someone, I can't seem to find a decent median when engaging with people -- my eye contact during conversations is either too strong, or I avoid it altogether. Either options unsettles people.

I'm just the same . sometime it helps to look just past them or just above their heads

I thought so too until I saw photos of looking past everyone at a concert, I'm squinting and clenching my jaw in every photo.

I always end up by myself at parties too. I try to participate in conversations but I feel like a third wheel when I do.

The conversations tend to be with people I'd rather avoid, usually about their work.

Yeah. I thought I could "do" social events nowadays. So I went to this work function thing, the idea being to do some networking. Instead I just stood by myself, eating all the canapes, not knowing how to approach people.

Another woman spoke to me an we actually had a lot in common, she is in the same field and has kids the same age as mine, and I thought we might be connecting a little. But she went off to get another drink and never came back. I suspect I'm a little scary

I've gone back to being a hermit.

That happens to me quite often. Maybe I'm also a little scary, and I'm pretty sure I seem "off" to a lot of people, but since NTs are rarely direct, it's hard to know what we're doing wrong.

mee too. but it is a matter of frequency or vibrational level, we just haven't met our matches yet.

From experience, I’ve gathered that the “norm” for parties is to drift here and there and not just stay in the spot or talk to the same people the whole night.

My tendency, as is sounds like many of yours is, is to find someone to stick with. Sometimes, even if I intend to talk to or meet other people, I end up just staying with the same person most of the time, even if I don’t really like them. I do the same with location... Finding a “spot” in the room, getting used to it over time, and not seeing any reason to change it up.

I am not very good at it, but it seems to me that one key to navigating this whole thing is to be aware of the “game”, and make the move first. Try to get in conversation with someone (anyone), then get distracted by something or someone else and leave before the other person does. Maybe even by setting an inconspicuous phone timer? Haha... kinda silly but since I don’t understand the social cues that mean “time to go talk to a different person”, maybe a time cue would help.

My theory is that the rejection felt when someone ends the conversation and leaves you alone is discouraging and makes it much harder to now go and initiate interaction. I feel like there’s momentum in breaking off a convo to immediately focus my attention on a new thing or person, whereas beating a boring conversation to death and then being abandoned by the other person is just disappointing and leaves me feeling and looking for awkward.

I have so much difficulty filtering conversation I really can't deal with Party Noise.

At most what I would like to find if possible is a small group in a coffee shop or something. I used to hangout with a small discussion group in a Bookstore and I did not great but okay trying to follow the conversation baton.

Agreed, even socializing in a small group can be hard. If the conversation gets excitable and shrill I don't even try to follow.

I'm very much like that. I've had friends tell me off for "shadowing" them and letting them do all the talking. I think in part it's because I want to see strangers interact with someone I already know before I try it myself. I can stay in the same spot to the point where it seems like I'm just being stubborn; if it gets suggested that I move seats to avoid, say, criss-crossing conversations, it always stuns me that I would never think of that myself.

This is why I avoid weddings, because they seem to be an all-day thing these days. I like the part when the couple gets married, and I like the photos and all of that, but that's it. I hate it when there's some sort of hall booked, miles away from home, and a minivan or something is scheduled to bring you home so late at night. So you have hours to just sit or stand there counting the hours.

I think it comes down to not drinking. I don't drink, and if I do it's no more than a couple of pints of beer or something. But when you're sober, time stands still. So I just find myself sitting or standing around, and not being able to talk to people because I can't hear what they're saying over the music. And I'm not really a dancer. So that's why I don't do wedding parties.

I remember when I was 21 I went to my mum's friend's daughter's wedding. But I was so shy there. The daughter had lots of friends who were really pretty and really outgoing (but mature and friendly), but I felt so shy around them. I smiled and made eye contact but only spoke when spoken to. Otherwise I just stayed with my mum and my brother. My brother's shy too but he was drinking, so he came out of his shell and went off with one or two of the other guests. But I was too shy, so I just sat and nibbled food. I had 1 alcoholic drink but it wasn't enough to relax me, and I felt nauseas after.

I think I avoid weddings or anywhere with music and alcohol because I'm ashamed of being shy. I feel like some sort of strange little thing that keeps appearing in the background but nobody* knows who I am or why I'm there. That's how I feel at big social events. Just social anxiety really.

*except for people who know me, but I'm talking about people who don't

Usually I do not go to social events

And do not get invited

Precious lil "people" sometimes tells me "what you looking at?"

Or "look around me when I am talking to you"

Or "don't look at me like that"

there's something wrong with everything

I can actually do social events without people thinking I'm weird, but it takes a lot of effort, and I don't enjoy any of it. And after many years of it taking a lot of effort and if anything hating it more, I've given up. The relief is enormous. Weddings are an absolute NO! Everything else is about whether I might enjoy some aspect of it, which I might do if it's a small group, low key, and focused on a shared interest. I no longer give in to pressure because I now know that at least 9 times out of ten I don't have a good or even an ok time, and even when things don't go badly I've gone through all that anxiety in the run up to it.

I've learned the hard way to avoid anything that is pure socialising with a lot of people. So no "parties" or "networking events" for me, and I live in fear of being invited to a wedding! I can handle it a lot better if-
-there's only a small number of people
-there is some activity going on other than just talking
-someone who knows about me is watching my back
-there is somewhere I can hide with a book if necessary