Everything's Wrong

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I need to ramble for a moment, as I cannot speak at the time being.

Today is the day I always have an appointment on. Today, my mom says I don't have an appointment. I haven't felt well today.

Sometimes, I lose my voice. I don't know why, I just am unable to speak. Usually it's in times of distress, and it's very upsetting. My cousin gets very angry with me. She yells at me a lot, and says to speak to her. I can't always do that. I don't know what to do.

When I feel especially upset or frustrated, I hit myself on the head. It hurts sometimes. I don't know how to not do it. It's very embarrassing. Any advice?

I feel selfish, but sometimes I cannot deal with interaction. I must be left alone. This happens quite frequently. How do I get people to leave me alone without being rude? I often come off as rude, or even cold. I've been called robot and psychopath more times than I care to remember, which is a bit saddening. I don't want to hurt people's feelings.

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I can't help you much about dealing with frustration, sorry.

However, about your last question, many problems between people are caused by misunderstanding. I understand that at your age, people might not take you too seriously, but try to explain to them why do you need to be left alone. People are not good mind readers and need to be told what's going on, in order to be able to help you. They might leave you alone, but they might even support you in ways you could not imagine yourself. Of course, they might do neither of that, but I think honesty is the best way to go about this. And if you can't actually say it, write it down.

Btw, I'm occasionally calling myself both robot and psychopath. Usually as a joke, but there a little truth to every joke. I'm unable to express my feelings and I'm quite sure my capability of even having feelings is reduced, so there is not much to express in the first place. I just have to be more conscious when I'm around people and try to be kind by default.

When you are unable to speak, that is what is called selective mutism. Lots of Autistic people have this happen to them. It happens to me a lot. It's not your fault. I actually don't like the word selective mutism. When it happens to me, I call it situational mutism. It's not something that you can help. What happens is that your brain is very overwhelmed and you are very anxious. Your brain literally cuts off your ability to speak. You can't force yourself to speak during those times. You just have to wait for the anxiety to go away and for your brain to be able to relax again. There may also be times when you can speak in some circumstances but not in others because only the specific circumstances make you anxious. This gets very confusing for other people. People have actually gotten really angry at me when this happens but there is nothing I can do about. When I am unable to speak. I use ASL or I write things down. I also carry a card in my wallet that explains this so that I can show it to people if I need to. This is a perfectly normal thing that happens to a lot of Autistic people. It is not something to be afraid of and it is not something that you should feel bad about. And the people in your life should learn about it so that they can understand and help you when this happens. There is a lot of information about selective mutism on the internet,

And yes, many Autistic people need to spend time alone to be able to relax and recharge. That is very normal for us and it is necessary and helpful to us. Never feel bad when you need alone time. This is something that your brain and body need in order to be able to function. When you need to be alone, just let people know. Tell them you feel tired or overwhelmed and that you need some time alone to rest and feel better. Autistic people tend to need more alone time than people who are not Autistic. I need a lot. if you explain that you are exhausted and need time to rest, people should understand. if your family needs help to understand these things, tell them to come here. We will be happy to help them understand your needs better.

Wow - thank you for explaining the different types of mutism.

I never knew this was a thing, and it happens to me when I'm very upset. I try to talk and can't.

Theretheirtheyre, nothing you've described (in terms of your needs) is unreasonable. I think it's more how we communicate it to people - the words we use and our tone of voice.

Being direct and honest, yet gentle, is seen an vulnerable and acceptable.

If you tell people, 'I need time to think about this', that should be taken as is. No arguments.

Also, your cousin yelling at you is unacceptable and abusive. If you must engage, I'd be direct and honest, and say, 'I'm unwilling to be around you when you yell at me. If you want to talk, I'll listen.' If you don't have to be around her, I'd avoid her, if it were me.

I've never had issues with hitting myself, so I don't have anything offer about that, but it makes me sad for you.

i hope u are feeling better my friend!
I recently didnt speak for a month. I love it.
The more i speak, the worse i feel.
I think its because i'm tired of having thirty years of people yawning or looking at me like i'm a freak when i speak,
cause they don't give a damn what i'm saying cause its too weird.
I dont blame them. My own family straight out ignores me when i speak. So i shut up. I just dont talk. Ever.
Except to my girl or people in stores , if i really, really need to.

i hope u feel better, sending u good vibes

If mutism hit me more often, I'd print up some cards to hand out about it when struck.

I guess I go as "high functioning" having held a life and a job etc. I can sometimes get so stressed that I exhibit "selective mutism". When I get very tired I also seem to loose a lot of my skills, including language. It is very embarrassing!
I got an PhD but sometimes still can't speak. I guess it is a common autistic trait.

I TOTALLY relate to everything you said, as much of the same things happen to me quite frequently as well.
About the head hitting, I would (if available) recommend you punch something soft and squishy, like a pillow. That way it won't inflict as much pain on you. If that's not an option, squeezing a stress ball may help, too. Also, if you find yourself super frustrated, try taking a few really deep breaths to help calm your nervous system so you'll be less likely to hurt yourself at all.

As far as the social interaction thing goes, I don't think I'll be much of a help to you since I deal with the same problems, but I'll still try nonetheless. If someone's talking to you when you really need to be by yourself, you could try saying something like "All due respect, but could you please let me be by myself right now?". That may help with being more polite. As stressful as it may be, sometimes you just have to stifle your desires and wait for the person (or people) to walk or away/stop talking for you to be by yourself.

Sorry if this wasn't the most helpful advice. I hope you at least got something out of it and that things get better for you soon.

Thank you all for your feedback. It has been somewhat helpful.

Speaking is my greatest weakness but writing is my greatest strength. If you find that you cannot speak, perhaps you might write them a quick note and tell them how you feel.