Are meltdowns a form of release for you?

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I was trying to explain to my therapist that, as certain stresses build up, I can tell that I'm headed for a meltdown. Sure, I can calm down enough for the moment, maybe even for the day, but if particular stresses continue to build over the course of several days, I NEED a meltdown. I likened it to rebooting a computer that's been running too many programs at once for too long and is getting laggy and not working right. The longer I go with continuing stress without having a meltdown, the worse I feel, so I will sometimes initiate them myself, on purpose. I find a good video that will definitely make me cry (Jim Henson's funeral is always effective, as is just about anything about Mr. Rogers), and once I start, I just run with it until I'm done. Then I have my little pseudo-fugue state afterwards, replenish my electrolytes, and go to sleep, next day I'm all better.

My therapist asked me if that was a common thing among Autistics, that a meltdown is a form of stress relief, a sort of release valve, so I thought I'd ask here. Anyone else see or use meltdowns that way?

They do release pressure but I'm not 'all better the next day'.
Meltdowns make me feel like absolute s**t for up to a week.
I hit my worst phase of depression straight after, and I feel hungover and dopey.
Like a withdrawn state - disassociation.

I can't say I've ever initiated a meltdown myself.
Having a cry at a video is not the same as having a meltdown, for me at least.

Raleigh, that sounds terrible! I certainly wouldn't initiate them if they hung on for weeks, I'm really sorry that's how it is for you.

I just use the vids to get it started. It gives me a way to kind of "schedule" the screaming and flailing, so it can be done at home in private.

I had no idea you could schedule a meltdown.
Mine really seem beyond my control.

I know NTs have meltdowns too, and theirs seem like what you describe - a big crying fit and then they're fine in half an hour and can get on with their day.
Wish mine worked like that.

Yes , I do think they provide some instant relief like a primal scream might but afterwards I always feel like s**t and that I should have been able to handle the situation better .

A meltdown for me consists of short-term energy release into a state of very short-term zen feeling followed by feelings of nausea, failure and numbness for 24 - 48 hours max. I think frustration has been the overarching theme.

Reading something every day from Epictetus (The Art of Living, Sharon Lebell’s interpretation) for the last forever and finally starting to cope (somewhat) with everything life flings at me.

I ask ‘Epictetus’ a question; open a page and whatever the text is, I apply it to the issue. It never fails because it’s always good advice!

I have tried to force a meltdown to happen early (when I am in my near-meltdown state), but I can't control it like that- it has to be caused by something outside of my sensory and emotional limits.
They are definitely a release for me...including physical energy spent and recovery time, done within a few hours (used to last longer, I think). Last time, I felt some kind of residual effect...exhaustion.

I kind of get what you mean. I’m not sure I schedule a meltdown but I can feel it building up, sometimes over a period of hours, sometimes days, sometimes weeks. If I have a big meltdown/shutdown coming I know around 3 to 4weeks in advance. I can try to keep it at bay but eventually I have to make a concious decision to give in to it. I then can shut down for days or even weeks, depending on how long its been building. Then I gradually come out of it and feel much better til the next one. Since I have discovered I am autistic and these are in fact meltdowns and not bouts of depression I am learning that if I give in to it earlier on it doesnt last as long and I recover quicker.

Meltdowns are not a source of relief for me. They are simply a problem that I am trying solve. My meltdowns are getting worse, and getting more frequent, I don't know why, but I am addressing the issue the best I can. I have to soon. I have a son on the way.

Yep, they totally are. My therapist doesn't really understand that and she wants me to reduce meltdowns. She doesn't understand that they are a natural part of my neurology. I don't see them as a good or bad thing.

My meltdowns are a release of anger & frustration usually at the person or thing that has caused it. I had LOTS of meltdowns with my parents because they were very critical of my disabilities, issues & quirks, & put a lot of pressure on me. I would scream & curse them out.

Maybe it helps later on, but in the moment and shorter afterwards, I can't going through them.

I can sense when a meltdown is going to happen, or at least when it's building up to them.

Most of the time my top is blown, but sometimes I can divert them or handle them.

Not all my meltdowns are of the same intensity level, some are small while others are big.

I feel a meltdown building up before it happens, over the course of hours, days or weeks. And when it happens, my melt down differs. If I'm saddened about a situation or how I've been treated, I begin to dissociate and shut down, ignoring everyone around me, until I burst out crying and try to get away from everyone. If I'm having a meltdown out of anger about a situation or how I've been treated, I move quickly with any task, and need a punching bag. However, I find reading afterwards is what really calms me down. But my meltdowns can either make me feel better or worse depending on how it affects people around me or the situation.

Thanks for all the responses, everyone. Reading them all, I've come to an idea I never thought of before (that difficulty imagining other people's point of view, I guess). Meltdowns vary greatly between people, and across causes. I feel stupid for not realizing that before. Thank you for helping me understand, and I hope everyone has better experiences with their meltdowns going forward.

I have internal rather than external meltdowns in that inside I feel like everything is going haywire, but I lack the physicality of a more severe meltdown. It's not a form of release since I can't control it and it feels like a nightmare every time I experience it. Objectively, I guess it would be a release since it ensures it doesn't build up. Subjectively, I hate it.