How to tell someone you suspect they have ASD?

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Ok. Let me begin: there is someone who is very very dear to me, a girl for whom I have really deep feelings. We have already talked many times about how she feels unhappy most of the times. She says that there is something in her that makes her different and that she feels a strange necessity to know her true self. She has already been diagnosed with schizofrenia, psychosis and a lot of other things by different psichiatrists but she still seems to think that none of that really applies to who she is.

The thing is: I think she is in the autism spectrum. Some of the things in her personality do seem to be coming from an autistic person: issues with food, strange issues with clothing, sensitivity to sounds, sentimental confusion when it comes to relantionships, discovering tricks to talking to people without actually looking them in the eye, becoming tired of the world around her and just feel the need to be closed at home once in a while, attention to details no one else seems to notice, fondness for things that other people of her age seem to ignore, insecurity, naivety when men try to approach her sexually, an incapacity to say "no" to other people and therefore a tendency to be taken advantage of, the necessity to expect for other people to complete sentences with words she seems to have forgotten during a conversation, etc etc etc.

It is true that many of the autistic signs we expect in a man seem to be absent (she has learnt to socialize and does not seem to have a necessity to follow a routine) but as far as I know women with ASD are better than men at disguising these things.

There is of course the possibility that I am wrong and that I have an uncouncious desire to feel closer to her (I am an aspie). But I do believe there are reasons to suspect that she may be on the autism spectrum too and that it is the reason why she has been unhappy for too long.

I really really want to help her.
Should I tell her about my suspicion or just be quiet and mind my own business?
And if I do decide to tell her, how should I do it?

Q: How to tell someone you suspect they have ASD?
A: You don't; unless you want them to tell you to MYOB.

Try to imagine how you would feel if someone walked up to you and told you that they thought you were mentally ill -- someone who had absolutely no formal training in the field of psychology, no medical degree, and no business to begin with making diagnoses.

I was thinking that if I received a positive diagnosis, that I would encourage my mom and my two older children to be accessed.

That's really one of the main reasons I want to do it.

But if I don't do it, I won't bring it up to them.

In the case of the person I am talking too she already confided me that different psychologists have already diagnosed her with schizofrenia and other types of psychosis. It don't think she would be horrified if, after all that, the person she told these secrets to tells her what they think she has...I am just not sure if I should take a risk and tell something about which I am in no way qualified to be an expert on. And the way I should tell her if I decide to do it is also something that scares me.

And plus: Aspergers is not a disease.

I would not risk it, for there are too many unknown variables.

Even if the other person who is suspected of being on the spectrum might say otherwise, but this is a paradigm shift of enormous proportions. You have no idea what you can do to the person. I thought i was prepared for dealing with it after my wife suspected it, but i had no idea about the emotional repercussions that this caused. Neither did my wife at this point. It was a long process to get where i am at now for both her and myself.

What i am saying is not that she is not strong enough for this, but rather that even a suspicion could affect someone significantly (especially since there are already diagnoses of schizophrenia and other psychoses present)

Well then, there you go! The only necessary diagnosis has already been made, and by appropriately-trained and licensed professionals! Your "diagnosis" is un-necessary; especially when schizophrenia and psychoses can mimic some of the symptoms of ASDs.Self-diagnosis, especially by someone already diagnosed with schizophrenia and/or psychosis, is also a waste of time. Her perceptions of self are (by definition) already "off", and her self-diagnosis is therefor meaningless.I never said it was, nor did I imply it.

The OP does not want to diagnose his love interest but tell her he suspects ASD

Usually I side with the MYOB but since she has both confided her diagnosis and her suspicion something else is going on I would advise him to tell her to look into autism because some of her traits resemble Autistic ones. If he has not yet he should share his diagnosis/ self diagnosis.

Yap, I don't want do diagnose her but maybe just make her see a psychologist to see if that might be what she has.
One of my points is that I know that many aspie women only know their condition late in life, many times after being wrongly diagnosed with other conditions.
I have been properly diagnosed by a psichiatrist and I already told her.

It is a really tough one, and I agree with the above posts, in general, you don't tell people you suspect they have ASD.

That said, I am quite certain that there is at least one person who knew I have ASD probably 10 years before I knew. This person does some form of work with people with ASD.

I haven't seen her for several years (definitely not since I found out I have ASD), but when I think back on some of the comments she made to me, I'm sure that she had guessed I had ASD, but probably assumed I already knew and didn't want to broach the subject.

If she'd told me, I might have been diagnosed 10 years earlier than I was. Not that I would very likely have taken it easily if she had.

So, it really is quite a bind. You could be doing the person a favour by telling them, but you could also completely ruin your relationship. Pretty well no matter what, you're probably not going to get a good immediate reaction. I do think you'd want to be as sure as you can before you do, because it's a very big risk.

You could wait until another conversation along these lines crops up, and then rather than saying, "I think you are on the autism spectrum", you could ask, "Have you ever considered the possibility that you might be on the autism spectrum?", and then see where the conversation leads if anywhere. If it doesn't lead anywhere then don't push it. If it naturally progresses then you can offer a few personal observations.

I do think however that it needs to be part of a natural conversation that she has initiated about her mental health and the feelings she has, and not a conversation you have initiated. It is also important that you don't get carried away with trying to convince her that she is on the autism spectrum.

Of course there is also the risk that you damage your relationship with her. You say she is very dear to you and you have really deep feelings for her. Are those feelings reciprocated or is it a one way street? Her feelings for you, if she has any, may well influence whether your relationship survives the suggestion that she might be autistic.

Double post deleted.

Wait, wait, wait. Am I missing the discussion on how schizophrenia and autism may be related disorders and that doctors sometimes misdiagnose people with schizophrenia when, in fact, they are born with autism - a very different neurological condition? This friend my not even have a proper diagnosis to begin with? Especially since females are harder to diagnose properly.

Since the friend seems to still struggle with issues the schizophrenia diagnosis does not explain (like sensory issues), maybe you could introduce topics into conversation casually that get across the facts

1) you wanted to learn more about her condition and read a few articles, and in those you noticed that
2) a number of people are misdiagnosed
3) some of those cases are actually X, Y, and autism.
4) it was interesting to learn a little more about how autism overlaps with schizophrenia in X ways but also has these other features Y (that pertain to your friend and that your friend has shared with you).
5) and autism is often under diagnosed and presents differently than we tend to think of in women
6) What are your thoughts on that?

You could try it.

The other night I sat with a friend who wondered what was wrong with him. I said, "Do you think you might be like me?" Short version: he took the test on-line, joined WP, and made a few friends with his special interest. I think turning the question around made the difference.

I'm not saying that's a professional Dx. It's a small step that ended well. Dx can come when she feels it's appropriate.

Hey, don't let me or my words stop you! Do you want to tell someone in a fragile state of mind that she may be autistic? Do you think she'll fall all over you and smother you with gratitude for opening her eyes in a flash of enlightenment?

Be prepared for her to tell you to go away and MYOB.

Autism isn't a bad thing or anything, and it isn't a mental illness, it's a neurodevelopmental disorder. I would of liked to know I was autistic sooner than I did, and if this individual is autistic than a different treatment approach may be better and could give her a better understanding of who she is.

For the OP, just bring it up when talking to her. "Hey, have you ever considered that you might be autistic?" no negative tones attached, and if she wants you to drop it, drop it.

I say tell them it may help them, if you suspected someone had cancer you'd recommend them to get checked out.