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Hollow_Cavallo
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18 Jun 2018, 3:17 pm

I'm curious has anyone found a way to compromise with wanting to just be near people? I like talking a bit and joking around but most the time I like to just be near people and feel their presence. People have trouble understanding that to me this is true bonding in my heart. When they talk too much they are interrupting me and I get steadily mute more irritated because of hyper focusing issues. I really want to overcome this because I get very lonely after several days alone. Thanks.



disconnected412
Raven
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19 Jun 2018, 8:06 am

Are you on or near the city? Can you get a bus or train pass?



Hollow_Cavallo
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19 Jun 2018, 7:08 pm

Yeah I live in a medium sized city. I have a car but I could get a bus pass.



nick007
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19 Jun 2018, 9:00 pm

I feel kind of like that too but luckily I have a girlfriend I can spend lots of time next to while watching TV, playing vid games, watching her play vid games, cuddle in bed together ect. We do talk some but a lot of the time we're just near each other.


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Hollow_Cavallo
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19 Jun 2018, 11:49 pm

nick007 wrote:
I feel kind of like that too but luckily I have a girlfriend I can spend lots of time next to while watching TV, playing vid games, watching her play vid games, cuddle in bed together ect. We do talk some but a lot of the time we're just near each other.


Oh wow, you're lucky! That makes me feel better actually. It takes a while to meet people like that. I was feeling a little discouraged.



nick007
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20 Jun 2018, 6:49 am

Hollow_Cavallo wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I feel kind of like that too but luckily I have a girlfriend I can spend lots of time next to while watching TV, playing vid games, watching her play vid games, cuddle in bed together ect. We do talk some but a lot of the time we're just near each other.


Oh wow, you're lucky! That makes me feel better actually. It takes a while to meet people like that. I was feeling a little discouraged.
I know I am. I had a very hard time getting relationships. It helps that she's on the spectrum & has her share of issues cuz I have more than my fair share of mine. I got pretty discouraged when I was single.


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~King Of The Hill


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~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
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BeaArthur
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23 Jun 2018, 2:07 pm

Hollow_Cavallo wrote:
I'm curious has anyone found a way to compromise with wanting to just be near people? I like talking a bit and joking around but most the time I like to just be near people and feel their presence. People have trouble understanding that to me this is true bonding in my heart. When they talk too much they are interrupting me and I get steadily mute more irritated because of hyper focusing issues. I really want to overcome this because I get very lonely after several days alone. Thanks.

There are some situations that allow you to be around people without engaging too much. Someone already mentioned riding a bus. Here are some other ideas.

1. Going to a coffee shop, possibly with a book or laptop. Many such places (though not all) are quite comfortable with a customer sitting alone for a couple hours. If the place does regular meal service, avoid meal times because they need the table for other customers.

2. Attending a church service. You don't have to believe everything the denomination believes. You don't have to participate in communion either. I like hymns, but I hate it when, in some churches (especially Catholic), you are supposed to turn and shake hands and greet the people sitting nearby. Anyway there are a multitude of different religions and congregations, so you might find one that suits you.

3. A public park, garden, zoo, or beach. The more crowded it is, the less you have to converse. Again, taking a book or a laptop or tablet computer communicates that you are "busy" and don't want to strike up a conversation.

Again, there are many places and ways to be around people without engaging. Of course, if you meet someone interesting, you are free to break your own rule and chat!


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Sianann
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24 Jun 2018, 2:41 pm

Yes, cafes are the bee's knees for being present among people and yet apart in one's own world. I have a favourite cafe and sit in the same chair with the same coffee and cake order (I don't have to ask for it anymore) almost every day (c. 2 hours). On random occasions someone will strike up a short conversation with me, and that's fine. There are just a couple of people (my son, one friend) that I like to meet with there.

I would also agree with BeaArthur about church - I attend the Church of Ireland (Anglican) service and the people who attend weekly are so lovely and welcoming but never too forward. Sometimes I'll go to the hall for tea afterwards and have little chats - usually initiated by others. I've helped serve the tea too, which is a nice way to be present but busy and therefore not feel obliged to try converse with anyone/everyone. Anglicans in Ireland don't do the handshake as part of the service (thanks be to God!).

Finally, beloved libraries. Nothing more to be said about them.


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