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My friend calls me incel

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Marknis
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28 Jun 2018, 11:46 am

I have a friend who is celibate for both personal and spiritual reasons. He tells me I am incel because he thinks I am not ready to have a relationship. I told him I think love-shy fits me better because I am usually too shy to make the first move due to fearing rejection and wondering if things like my age and lack of romantic history will be immediate deal breakers. I have asked girls out but due to being told "No" or "I have a boyfriend/husband." discourages me. My friend atleast doesn't think I am Elliott Rodger or George Sodini.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jun 2018, 12:07 pm

Incel has acquired a negative connotation. I would stop using the term.



superaliengirl
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28 Jun 2018, 12:22 pm

Love is nothing that needs to be rushed, when you do that it usually doesn't work out anyway. Let it come to you.
I would suggest dating website though, they do work and have worked well for me. Wouldn't suggest Tinder though but some people find luck there too, this way you won't be told the person is not single at least. Rejection will always be a risk though and it is for everyone, even if you talk online first and like each other there's the risk that there are no spark in real life. It's not easy for anyone out there looking for love but it's nothing to worry about. Focus on other things first and use the time while single to work on yourself and the chance is bigger that it works out well when you do meet someone.



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28 Jun 2018, 12:37 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Incel has acquired a negative connotation. I would stop using the term.


I can imagine this becoming one of the new words that schoolyard bullies use to pick on others. It even sounds like an insult when spoken aloud, almost a shortened version of "infidel" or "imbecile." Definitely one of the worst new words in recent history.



Marknis
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28 Jun 2018, 3:35 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Incel has acquired a negative connotation. I would stop using the term.


I also don't think it's fitting because generally incels feel like they aren't attracted but I've actually had some women tell me I look attractive.



lostonearth35
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28 Jun 2018, 3:47 pm

Since incel is now connected with terrorism, people will be misusing it on anyone who is celibate and male because of the stigma or just to be a troll.



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28 Jun 2018, 4:02 pm

Incel? What an insult, that is like implying you are a Elliot Roger or a bitter misogynist who blames their issues on women.

Of course when you look the word up, it will say involuntarily celibate but same with with the n word, it will say it's a black person. But the google dictionary says it's offensive but not incel. That is because that word was made up by a group of guys who are unable to get relationships. Yeah don't use that word. When you read about it, you will see you do not want to be associated with that group.


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Marknis
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28 Jun 2018, 8:02 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Incel? What an insult, that is like implying you are a Elliot Roger or a bitter misogynist who blames their issues on women.

Of course when you look the word up, it will say involuntarily celibate but same with with the n word, it will say it's a black person. But the google dictionary says it's offensive but not incel. That is because that word was made up by a group of guys who are unable to get relationships. Yeah don't use that word. When you read about it, you will see you do not want to be associated with that group.


I don't but other people use it towards me. I want to illustrate how my struggles differ.



Hollywood_Guy
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28 Jun 2018, 8:14 pm

I am very sorry that your "voluntarily celibate" friend was harsh and judgmental about your situation.



sly279
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29 Jun 2018, 2:42 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Incel has acquired a negative connotation. I would stop using the term.

So has feminist. Don’t see anyone giving up that they just say not to judge feminists based on the bad ones.



Marknis
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29 Jun 2018, 1:22 pm

superaliengirl wrote:
Love is nothing that needs to be rushed, when you do that it usually doesn't work out anyway. Let it come to you.
I would suggest dating website though, they do work and have worked well for me. Wouldn't suggest Tinder though but some people find luck there too, this way you won't be told the person is not single at least. Rejection will always be a risk though and it is for everyone, even if you talk online first and like each other there's the risk that there are no spark in real life. It's not easy for anyone out there looking for love but it's nothing to worry about. Focus on other things first and use the time while single to work on yourself and the chance is bigger that it works out well when you do meet someone.


I hate dating sites because they were frustrating as hell and ended up only being wastes of time. I don't ever want to try one again.

I honestly don't know how to work on myself. What are some examples?



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29 Jun 2018, 2:19 pm

He ain't your "friend" if he calls you that.


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29 Jun 2018, 2:32 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
He ain't your "friend" if he calls you that.

My thoughts, as well.


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29 Jun 2018, 3:15 pm

Someone who has ever expressed anger at being ignored by women might give others the idea that he is "incel".

Watch what you say about women, especially in person.


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Daniel89
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29 Jun 2018, 4:00 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
He ain't your "friend" if he calls you that.


Its probably just banter.



Marknis
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29 Jun 2018, 6:42 pm

Fnord wrote:
Someone who has ever expressed anger at being ignored by women might give others the idea that he is "incel".

Watch what you say about women, especially in person.


You're making assumptions about me as usual. My demeanor in public is very withdrawn and introverted. My friend also didn't pigeonhole me as Elliot Rodger.