RE: MALE ASPIE ADVICE - please

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Hi All,

I wanted to know a couple of things from a male aspies point of view please.

When starting a new relationship was you full on with texting, emails, calls, video calls etc ? Then when you have the lady you wanted almost turn the other way? My aspie chased me so much in the beginning I felt like a special interest it was intense. We have been dating over a year now and it seems to have gone the other way completely.

He has lots of women friends which I found hard to deal with at first, though read somewhere that aspie men get on better with women. He’s been on citralopram for 9 months I noticed the change in contact around this time plus he was going through redundancy so lots going on etc.

I also noticed it’s been 4 weeks since I have seen him though he calls me every morning and evening. I give him space etc as he’s had lots going on. I mention it’s been 4 weeks and his surprised it’s been that long etc. How can I communicate to him that I would like to see him more though happy to give him his space etc.

Is it that he hid a lot of his Aspie ways at the beginning and now I have accepted him and love him for who he is he has got more comfortable etc? And is showing me the more relaxed Aspie ways ? Also is it usual for an Aspie men to be disinterested in sex from time to time?

I do try to understand what the bigger picture is however sometimes I do struggle. I love him very much for the person he is and for his quirks his a truly awesome person I am just trying to adjust to his ways etc.

So Aspie men can you give me your opinion on this I would be so grateful.

Many thanks

If he calls you every day, there’s nothing to “worry” about.

No person calls someone every day just for the heck of it.

kraftiekortie thank you

How long should I leave not seeing him for? What usually happens when you go through such long periods of time without seeing your other half ?

Yes, I think it is common for aspie men (and women too) to put down a lot of work in the beginning. I used to think that we do this so we don't have to work so much when we are in relationships, and I think there is a lot of truth to that. That's also why I think the initial courtship should be extended as much as possible, Ideally, it should last several years to build a good foundation.

As for the frequency of communication, I think he would adapt to what you find reasonable, provided you define it as how often you expect it to happen. You shouldn't expect him to know when you want contact or use irregular contact. I can adjust to contact once every month or several times per day, but I cannot easily change frequency in any direction (and especially not to longer intervals).

As for asexuality, it's a lot more common in aspie women, but it is not uncommon in aspie men either. Try unusual ways to have sex, and particularly ways that don't include sexual intercourse.

For me I just was me I did hide a little when I met my gf then I open up and let my creative inerperson out and she was so accepting of me then she got sick has delusions as for the love making part it did come and go it made her sad but I love her soo much I miss her she's trying to get help as for me I'm still just me but sad and a lone. I hope that helps a little also the having more friends that are girls is true for me to best wishes

I certainly worried less about seeing my girlfriend as often after we had been together for awhile though I would still text regularly. The best thing you can do is talk to him in a non-confrontational way and explain what you are concerned about and how it could be better. My relationship ended since she was getting frustrated with a lack of something with me and she never told me what is was, eventually it built up and she called it off.

As for the sex, it's absolutely normal for an aspie male to not be interested in sex. I've had long bouts where I've had zero libido and would have to find alternatives to pleasure my partner. Hope this helps.

That's a hard question, Natalie.

I have a libido/sex drive....and I've learned to satisfy it through my own means. Many times, in my experience, women have extended times of being "not in the mood." It's always nice when you're both 'in the mood" at the same time.

I have friends that I don't see more than once a year----but the friendship is solid.

I guess...when I feel an impending desire to see this guy, I would express it like "It would be nice if I would see your face once in a while."

Thank you for your responses guys it’s greatly appreciated.

From a neurotypical point of view I think most of us leave because of the lack of reciprocation and the mind blindness. Every woman like to be told how beautiful she looks. I guess when Aspies try and hide their traits, it’s a bigger shock to us when you reveal yourself and your awesome quirks.

My Aspies grandad died yesterday and he’s really low, I don’t know how I can be there for him when I cannot see him. We was supposed to see each other on Friday night and he’s said he doesn’t feel in the right mood to come out. He lives in a house with others so offered for him to come over watch a film or to disappear into his special interest other than that I don’t know what to do. I guess us neurotipical are as fustrating to you guys as much as you cause us fustrating in the sense we talk such different languages etc. I love my Aspie dearly I would do anything for him and want to cause as little anxiety as possible. I'm learning better ways each day I owe it to him to understand him rather than get frustrated with communication etc x

Staines is a very nice area.

If I lived there, I wouldn't have need for much else other than the seaside scenery.

There were times when I gave flowers too often, or told a woman she's beautiful too often. She didn't like all that, and she threw me out. That was almost 30 years ago.

I'm not bitter....I'm just saying that there is an "inborn" defense mechanism in some men which prevents them from expressing affection. I'm not one of these sorts of men.

It's possible he truly is neuro-untypical. It's also possible he's using you.

It would be a pity, in my mind, if he's using you.

Having friends of the opposite sex, may, or may not be a problem, depending on the intentions of each person. Casual friendships/acquaintances usually don't pose much of a problem, but close friendships can become an issue. What I have realized, is that most "close" friendships with the opposite sex, are the result of one, or both people being romantically interested in the other person. So, even if he may not have any intentions other than friendship with them, it could be that they have a romantic interest.

Also, when you are dating someone, it is usually best to make your partner a priority, instead of focusing on these other relationships, especially if they of the opposite sex.

Most Aspies like directness. Explain to him how you feel and your concerns. He may not be able to read between the lines. You may have to tell him directly and give him some time for it to sink in.