Major Things on a First Date

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Manofthehour352
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19 Jul 2018, 8:47 pm

I‘ve read that you shouldn‘t discuss religion and politics on a first date; however, at least religion is important to me and it seems like a waste of time to me to pursue and spend money and time on dates with someone who is not compatible with me in terms of values and beliefs.

Should I alter what seems to be standard procedure for myself or just accept that it may be a few dates or so before I figure out I may not want something serious with the other person?



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19 Jul 2018, 10:02 pm

Manofthehour352 wrote:
... Should I alter what seems to be standard procedure for myself or just accept that it may be a few dates or so before I figure out I may not want something serious with the other person?
Accept that it may be a few dates or so before you figure out you may not want something serious with the other person. In the mean-time, have fun!


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yellowtamarin
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19 Jul 2018, 10:33 pm

Alter the procedure! :D
I've had much better dates since I did things my own way. Following the 'rules' now just seems silly to me.

P.S. My dates are also more fun when I just relax and do/say what I want to do/say. Trying to follow a procedure or guidelines wouldn't be as much fun.



guitarman2010
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27 Jul 2018, 9:20 pm

Every situation is different so how could there be a "cookie cutter" procedure when it comes to dating? Just do what your gut tells you to do. If you were meant to be with that person, it'll work out how it's supposed to.


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yellowtamarin
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27 Jul 2018, 9:45 pm

guitarman2010 wrote:
Every situation is different so how could there be a "cookie cutter" procedure when it comes to dating? Just do what your gut tells you to do. If you were meant to be with that person, it'll work out how it's supposed to.

Unfortunately societies do tend to set up "guidelines" on how a date "should go". Of course every date will vary in some ways, but a hell of a lot would be pretty much identical, I imagine. People try to follow rules about what's appropriate to talk about, where it's appropriate to meet, who should pay for things, how "far" it's appropriate to take things physically, etc. etc.



guitarman2010
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28 Jul 2018, 10:30 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
guitarman2010 wrote:
Every situation is different so how could there be a "cookie cutter" procedure when it comes to dating? Just do what your gut tells you to do. If you were meant to be with that person, it'll work out how it's supposed to.

Unfortunately societies do tend to set up "guidelines" on how a date "should go". Of course every date will vary in some ways, but a hell of a lot would be pretty much identical, I imagine. People try to follow rules about what's appropriate to talk about, where it's appropriate to meet, who should pay for things, how "far" it's appropriate to take things physically, etc. etc.


very true


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superaliengirl
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28 Jul 2018, 10:51 am

I think that if religion is important to you you should be open about that so that you don't make someone have feelings for you and then reveal by the way religion is a huge deal to me and then it turns out that they don't care for it at all which i'm guessing will make it not work out between the two of you after all. For me I don't care about someones religion unless it takes up a huge amount of their life and personality but politics are slightly more important and can be a dealbreaker for me sometimes so I appreciete knowing these things from the start.



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29 Jul 2018, 9:57 pm

Politics and religion may be important for you, but they tend to be polarizing issues, and may turn many people off. Some people just don't like discussing those things, no matter what their beliefs are. I would suggest just having fun with, and getting to know the other person, and not getting involved in a heated debate with them on the first date.

Yes, there may be a random person that loves that stuff, but they will be few, and far between. For the majority of people though, it's a turnoff.



CannibalCorpse
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30 Jul 2018, 2:30 am

Generally I think the first 1-5 dates should be cheap, a walk in a park, a coffee or seeing a free exhibition etc as you are not invested on the other person, also if a woman wants a dinner on a first date, you might want to reconsider anyway and I'm saying this as a woman.

I need to add that if you feel at least a little bit of attraction you should give 3 dates to the other. First date- they might be really nervous, not being able to relax.
Second date-same goes as I think most people would think OMG I have a second date, I mustn't screw this up.= nervous and odd again.
Third date when an awkward person starts to feel more comfortable.

Of course only when you feel at least a minimum attraction and of course this is only my theory. And politics and religion, well, I personally think if they are a deal-breaker for you, you should discuss them on the first date. Actually probably any deal-breakers you should discuss immediately, saving your and their time too. By deal breakers I mean things that you would never accept.



yellowtamarin
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30 Jul 2018, 5:15 am

SilverStar wrote:
I would suggest just having fun with, and getting to know the other person, and not getting involved in a heated debate with them on the first date.

I agree on having fun with and getting to know the other person - often that involves getting into interesting debates (or just discussions, because we might agree, which is good)! For me, discussing our favourite music or how many brothers and sisters we have is generally not a great way to get to know someone. Not "know" in a "am I compatible with this person" type of way, anyway. And isn't that what we are on a date to figure out?