NTs don't get it why we are mad at them for leaving us out

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I have noticed a lot of the time that yes, on the spectrum get excluded from things because we "Don't fit in" socially. On one hand that's okay because we are unique. On the other, the people who reject us and others in their circle who are supposed to be leaders often "Don't get it" when we share our concerns.

Most of the time they seem to tell us that we aren't doing this or that right or we need to jump through their hoops to be invited to things.

Two such examples:
1. At my last congregation, I was left out all the time and expressed myself that I wanted to be included. When I went to ask the leaders for help, it was "You need to work on socialization and social skills first."
2. My former boss couldn't get it she ignored my invite

I hear you. I've had that experience too. And then you feel rubbish because you're caught in this negative place where you feel really bad and need help and need to talk about how you feel, but you come over as negative and that further pushes people away.

All I wanted was to be included. I was lonely and that severely impacted my mental health.

I don't know how to help. You can vent here any time. Hugs.

I finally met a church leader who helped. I moved to a new area and he had me over for coffee with another friend. They asked how I was settling in and I said, "so so." The older one said, "I don't know you well enough yet to know if that's a good or a bad thing to you. Are you actually ok?"

That's the first time I had felt listened to in a couple of years and I just started crying. I dont really remember what he said to me, but i do remember that he listened and he didn't judge me or tell me to be different. And I needed that.

Him and that friend always make a point to come up to me at church and say hello now because they know how hard it is for me to just go along if I'm feeling overwhelmed in other ways.

And I feel comfortable going to church again. Not feeling judged made me feel like it was ok to be myself and I started to relax and I'm getting on ok with people. I've only my made 1 close friend who invites me out regularly, but I'm in a much better frame of mind now.

So yeah I know what you're saying about needing to feel understood.

I got nowhere fast when I talked to one of the elders in my congregation. He and his wife made excuses.

More than mad I just get BORED. It's obvious my friends are just in their own rut when this happens to me. People only focus on negatives when that's also their internal monologue.

People come on here and talk about what's going on in their situations. Is it negative? Sure sometimes. Feel free to not open threads that you find to be potentially negative.

Oh I'm referring to the cliques of NTs. If someone's being judgemental towards me I shrug it off; the same judgements are leveled at themselves.

Gotcha. I just emotionally distance myself.

I howl like a wolf......

A couple of years ago my dad emailed the pastors at both of the parishes that we attend to let them know about how fellow parishioners have treated us poorly and neglected us in our time of need. One pastor never responded to my dad at all. The other pastor met with my parents when he got back from Poland. This pastor told my parents that he was very sorry that people treated us so poorly and that many of the people that attend that parish are not real Christians because they can't be bothered to follow Jesus' teachings. He said that it is really hard sometimes to show love towards everyone in the parish because he knows how horrible many of the parishioners are. He is disgusted with the local knights of Columbus group and their behavior. This priest doesn't sugarcoat anything and when does his homilies, he tells people stuff they don't want to hear such as his disgust with people taking our freedoms for granted. He was born and raised in Poland during the cold war. He knows what communism is like. He believes that children should have a Mom and a Dad that are married to each other. This priest is extremely conservative and traditional.

The unwritten rule of all NT-based social groups seems to be...

"Before we'll let you become one of us, you must first actually be one of us."

I like being left out. I usually prefer doing stuff on my own.

The whole point of the concept of "negativity" is to tell you to bugger off unless you're already happy and socially skilled enough so they'll benefit from your company, not just you from theirs.

Twilight, what brings you to this site? Just curious as your posts don't indicate any difficulties.

I have plenty of difficulties. They are just different from yours, apparently.

I find that my ASD makes me less social than most people, so I don’t tend to mind being left out. I certainly don’t like doing things with groups of people.

I have diagnosed ASD, ADHD, PTSD, Major Depression, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Are those enough difficulties to be on this site?

Ok just the impression I got from you is that you had no issues and were an NT seeking to understand ASD as perhaps a loved one of yours had it.

No shame in that.

I can only go on what I perceived as an NT presentation.