New - Hoping I might be welcome here

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Hi all! I haven't been diagnosed with ASD. At the age of about 27 I was assessed and diagnosed with Nonverbal Learning Disability and ADHD. At the age of 29 I was reassessed and ASD was actually 'ruled out' based on that evaluation, but I was 're-diagnosed' with ADHD and a learning disability (they didn't call it NVLD as I believe that's no longer an actual diagnosis, but it's basically the same thing); and also with anxiety and depression, which had been previously diagnosed when I was a teenager, and Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I don't believe is accurate. I certainly have avoidant tendancies, but they only rise to the level of a true disorder when I'm extremely, extremely stressed/burned out.

There is absolutely no question that I am not neurotypical. I've known it since I was a small child, and going all the way through school and university and then attempting to enter the workforce undiagnosed was difficult and damaging. I still believe that I may be on the spectrum. I understand why I was not diagnosed, but much of what I read resonates with me - especially with my recollections from my childhood. I feel that my high verbal IQ plus a strong motivation to be liked and accepted, and to avoid being bullied, led to my learning many techniques (not all of them healthy) to disguise my differences. By the time I was in my late 20s, these techniques that I'd developed were so ingrained that it was difficult for me to remember what was innate and what was learned (and pretty much impossible for anyone else to tell).

I'm 30 now, and it's been less than a year since I received the results of my full assessment. I do sometimes wonder if I had been assessed only for ASD, what the results might have been. As it was, they were assessing me for everything under the sun and there was so little time... Let's just say that I am very good at 'passing' for neurotypical, and I've been doing it for so long that it's my default mode with non family members. I don't even really know how to shut it off. So I can't help wondering if I am on the spectrum after all. Some of my family members are convinced I am. Or perhaps I'm not, and I just identify with it for other reasons.

Wow, I'm so sorry for rambling! It's just so nice to find a place full of other people who might understand where I'm really coming from. I hope you won't mind that I'm here!

Welcome to WP.

I'm you are very welcome here. Sorry to hear about your struggles. I've learned a lot through using this forum.

Welcome Alisandra,

Hope you enjoy the forum. I can definitely relate to the feeling of masking your entire life and how it makes it a long and difficult process to get a correct diagnosis. For me even after I finally got it, it is sometimes hard to understand where the fake persona to fit in ends and my true personality begins. I think that the most important thing is that you already identified that you are different, and that means that some of the things that are true for most NT people might not work for you. I also kinda suspect that I used my Verbal IQ to logically analyze and understand people even if I don't posses the natural instincts to do so.

Welcome to the site.

Thank you, everyone! I'm glad to be here!

Welcome alisandra!

I like how you write.

Hope you can find recognition here and will get the diagnosis you feel comfortable with. Women often get misdiagnosed. They are better at masking and overall, just get taken less seriously. It's incredibly important to know what you are, what your identity is. Maybe it would be a good decision to go find a different psychiatrist, who specializes in autism, to be sure?

Good luck in this journey, Milady Alisandra, hope all goes well for you.

Enjoy the forum and of course you are welcome. The wolves at the gate let you in with a smile.