I can't stop being desperate. I should just kill myself

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I can't stop thinking about my singlehood bo matter what I do. Everyone tells me I need to let go of the desperation I have but I just can't. I hate how old I am and I can't even get a coffee date. I don't want my detractors telling me "See? Told you!" if I let go so I should just kill myself.

Here are some suicide prevention hotlines. You can also always walk in to a hospital ER.

Suicide Prevention Hotlines

Don't kill yourself bro, keep fighting. I'm 38 and have been single for more than 10 years and have not had one date in that time so I do know how you feel. It hasn't been easy for me it's been very lonely and I've been really depressed but working out a few times a week and just trying to stay busy helps me not always be sad about it, also my faith in God helps because I know I am not alone and that he loves me more than anyone ever could and that there is so much more to life than dating. I still hope someday I can meet the right girl but more than that I hope that before I die I can do some good in this world and help to bring a few people to God. I know how you feel about religion but I will pray that you feel better Marknis.

Marknis, I am glad to see you here again. Please get some help like others have suggested. When I am completely down, I don't believe it will ever be good again. But I know from experience the spirit rises again in time and then things are so wonderful, I can't believe I ever felt bad. However, this is a cycle and repeats. It's a long way up and out, but it takes only one step at a time.

Mark, what brought this on? Was it related to therapy homework, something that happened at work, or what?

A lot of time if you can pinpoint where and when you started feeling down, and what incident just preceded it, you can get a handle on your triggers and managing your emotions.

Please try that anime, it put things in perspective and inspire courage.

https://kissanime.ac/Anime/Ie-Naki-Ko/

I've NEVER had a coffee date - or a date of any kind, for that matter. Why should you let this get to you? Don't worry about the opinions of the sorts of troglodytes who would mock you for struggling to get a date - I've certainly never done so.

I'd suggest that if you only want a date to prove something to your "detractors", as you call them, then that's also a part of the reason why you can't get one. Women don't want to be used (decent ones, anyway), and can detect those who are out to use them.

I'd suggest, if you don't have the willpower to give up posting these threads, that you make an agreement with yourself to tear up a dollar bill every time you do so - not straight away, as your willpower has already failed, but as soon as you begin to regret having done it. This is an excellent technique to build willpower which has worked well with me in the past. (Though I used pounds rather than dollars!)

I’ve totally been there with my critical inner voice and a toxic amount of loneliness. I am looking for community, so I have gave up on the idea of a relationship.

Please get help. You are enough.

What purpose do these self-debasing and suicidal thoughts serve for you, Mark? Do they bring you back to earth when you think you might be doing too well? Or did something bad happen yesterday that you need to punish yourself for?

My mind is just constantly under attack by bad thoughts like it's a computer that's been infected with viruses. Even when I was a child, my mind was constantly undergoing unwanted and invasive thought cycles.

^ Sounds like OCD intrusive thoughts to me , have you talked to a Dr about it ?