Nervous about being with other guys

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I've known I'm bi for about 10 years but I have real lack of experience being with people of my own gender. I've never even had a truly close guy friend, let alone a guy I've been with romantically or sexually. I have no idea how to meet people in the first place, and I worry that a lot of the guys I might talk to would just be looking to hook up (I have no idea where to reliably find fellow queers outside of gay bars) and I don't have very much interest or experience with sex. I almost just wish I could find a sweet guy who I can just talk to/cuddle with (at least initially), but I feel bad reaching out when I have so little experience. It's like if I were looking for someone to play tennis with but I would sort of be relying on the other person to show me the ropes as we went. And I feel like most people don't want to deal with all that--especially if they're just at a bar looking to have fun.
Tl;dr: I want to reach out to guys but idk how to when I feel oblivious and inexperienced and emotionally detached in general

What aspect of your behavior makes you think that you are bi? Why do you think that you don't associate with guys much? Did anything happen 10 years ago to get you started considering the possibility that you were bi?



Are you afraid that guys would be able to tell you are bi? Have you ever had a crush on a guy? If so, did you do anything to try to communicate your interest to him?




I suppose that the best way to meet people is in person at some organization that deals with LGBT folks. And yeah, it does seem that most people on line are looking for a hook up, especially on apps like Grindr and Scruff. But there are a couple of apps that cater to a more emotional type of relationship. You might want to read up on 'Chappy' and 'Bro' apps. Also, some matchmaking sites now have M2M options. Interesting that you don't have much interest in sex. Maybe you are a hetero and/or homo romantic asexual?



I don't think that you are really emotionally detached if you are looking for a sweet guy who you could talk to and cuddle with. That's the best part of any relationship. It's a good goal. I have a gay friend who was in a monogamous relationship with another guy for 25 years. His partner recently passed away. He told me that he and his guy did not have sex for the last 20 years of their relationship, yet they remained in love and loyal to each other. So I guess that you could consider cuddling, hand holding, and caring as an intimate relationship too.

I know it is not easy being gay, and I suppose that it must be twice as hard being bi. I wish you all the best in finding someone who is right for you, so you could get some cuddling on All the best to you!

The aspect of my behavior that makes me think I'm bi is. You know. Being attracted to people regardless of their gender? (I've heard that makes me pan but that is a whooole other discussion). I realized around that time that I had never just been attracted to women. I didn't really associate with guys so much because I didn't really open up to talking about my emotions with people until I hit high school and started making girl friends. I just sort of kept reflexively locking up around other guys emotionally.


I mean, if anything I would want them to tell if I was bi so it doesn't risk becoming weird for them if they figure out I am later. I've had a couple of crushes on guys before but I only ever had one other guy who liked me back, but we never really explored a romantic relationship (one of us was always with someone else at any given time, that sort of thing).


I've just never had any huge interest in sex. Sex is nice and all, and I would probably be more interested in it but I just haven't had many opportunities to explore it. But I am most definitely not hetero lol. I wouldn't really call myself ace either. Sex can just feel sort of empty to me if there isn't some sort of underlying emotional bond there. It can still be very fun of course, but I need companionship more than sex. Of course if things lead to sex then you won't find me complaining lol