When NT's complain about rejection, anxiety, awkwardness...

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...I get ANGRY because I feel like they couldn't possibly have a clue. (Sorry, this is pretty much a rant!!) Please correct me if I'm wrong: but they couldn't possibly understand that stuff, could they? Of course I'm seeing this mostly on social media, which is innately false, but when I log onto Facebook, I see TONS of posts that people share or even write themselves about having social anxiety, being introverted, being awkward, feeling left out or rejected, always being the outsider, etc etc. It sounds sad and weepy and then lots of people comment in 'support.'

But, HELLO! Literally ALL of these people have friend groups and several best friends to speak of. They have significant others. They have people who want to do things with them, AND they have people who actually text or call them FIRST. There is proof of all of this right there on their social media, in between the pity party posts, as well as in real life if/when I find myself around them physically.

Whereas I, the person with AS, can tell you that rejection is real because I experience it every day... through the "friends" who don't want me. I have never had a romantic relationship. I can't do conversations with people because apparently whatever I say is off putting or too awkward. I kill conversations every time. I legit have no friends. You won't see any new pictures of me doing stuff with anyone because I have NO ONE to do stuff with.

I don't think any of these people could wrap their head around real rejection, because it doesn't make sense to them that anyone could have literally no friends. It's like the assumption that you have a house/apartment to live in. It's just a given and obviously everyone lives somewhere. But my life is the equivalent of social homelessness. Sorry.. I must sound super dark and bitter. But it's just so dumb to me! Again, please correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems that these people don't have a clue.

Omg you've got a point. Just yesterday my sister posted a picture on Facebook about being socially awkward. She has lots of friends! I just wondered what would she know about being socially awkward. I didn't comment or like it.

Right?? I mean, I may just be bitter and overly dramatic. Lol. It wouldn't be the first time. But really.

I know it's possible to have things like anxiety without being on the spectrum, and I know it's possible for any human to experience any feeling at various times, including rejection or awkwardness, etc. But to make a fuss about it and play victim, come on now. Spend one day in my lonely vacuum and see how well you hold up!

i find it bizarre, the statements and judgements people make about those whose life history, struggles and dreams they haven't the foggiest clue about

it's amazing how much the word "NT" doesn't mean.

Yes it is possible for some NTs to be that socially awkward. I should know, I'm one of them.

The social rejection is real for some NTs - I basically only have a handful of social contacts, none of whom I see on a regular basis. The friends I had I later learned were around because I was the one with the money so I paid for things. Once I stopped paying they disappeared.

I do have a long term partner but he did not come into my life until I was 32. And when I met him I had all but given up on ever meeting anyone.

I think it's trendy to be "socially awkward" at the moment. Nerds are sort of cool - but by nerdy I mean the sort of hip nerds you see on TV, the ones who look attractive and dress nicely but are super smart and wear glasses. In real life the truly socially awkward are invisible.

If "neurotypical" only means non-ASD (which it shouldn't do in my opinion, but does), then there are clearly people who are capable of suffering with social difficulties while also being neurotypical; Social Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, along with probab dozens of others.

When you look at people around the world you find that around 49.3% of the population are extroverts and 50.7% are introverts [according to the 1998 MBTI Manual]. So introversion in the NT world contains many introverts. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone. In general, introverts are not socially adept. Extroverts recharge their batteries by being in a group. They talk and bounce from one person to another, each time gaining more energy and vitality. They love parties. Extroverts are very socially adept.

hello.
first, if we define neurotypical as non-autistic, then yes, there will be a lot of people, who are not autistic, but still have problems. i have several myself. i feel a lot of "if i was only and just aspergerian, i would have much less problems in social sphere".
second, if we define neurotypical as "not having any issue in neurological sphere", then there will be not really many people falling in that definition. most people i meet have this or that issue, and most of those issues affect their social capability.
third, there will be people, who really dont get it, dont care to get it, and complain because they want attention.
but, it MIGHT also be possible, that,
they could try to support u that way. send u a signal hey, i want to try to understand u!
so actually those people could try to mimic or assimilate an issue they see in another, to express their support and sympathy that way. please consider this.

I felt the same way back in my school days when I literally did not have one single friend. I haven't started making friends until the last 2 years of my life up until then i've been alone apart from a few online-only friendships with people in other countries which are still friends I value but it's not the same thing in the end not once you've noticed the difference.

But even now with friends I still feel lonley! It could be because I was for so many years so that's automatically how I see myself now and I hate to burden my friends with my negative feelings so when I have them I rarely vent to friends which of course strengthens the feeling of lonliness.

NTs can definietely experience those things. I was considered NT for 21 years up until I got my diagnose does that invalidate the lonliness,bullying and rejection I experienced from actual NTs? I also have met people whom i'm sure are mildly on the spectrum but who doesn't feel a need to have it diagnosed/doesn't care and who has experienced a lot of rejection because they're different. Even actual NTs can feel all of those things, a lot of people get bullied unfortunately and for stupid reasons such as physical apperance. You can also have anxiety due to an anxiety disorder which causes anxiety to a degree much worse than what us who "only" have autism experience, something i've seen first hand.

Suffering has nothing to do with and is not limited to an autism diagnose. I have some aspie-friends who are happy, have a good social life and does not experience rejection at all and I have also met aspies who suffer a lot. We're all different even on the spectrum and we all handle our differences differently.

I also think that some people with lots of friends are actually more lonley than those who maybe have just one or two friends because they are good at socializing and therefore automatically manage to make many shallow friendships but at the end of the day have no one that really knows them and whom they can reach out to when they need someone to talk to. Being good at observing people and having known different kinds of people in my life I can guarantee that this is true... A lot of people show a good facade and pretend to be happier than they are, especially NTs.

Thanks for the input guys! You make a lot of great points. I have no idea about the actual psychological state of the any of the people I'm referencing. As far as I know, they could have very real conditions or be on the spectrum, whether they have an actual diagnosis or not.

I'm just saying that from their activity on social media combined with their behavior in real life, they are all on a totally different social level than I am. There are at least a handful of people who post on their pages, share pictures with them, and have obvious inside jokes. Also, other people post photos with them on their own pages, apparently because that relationship means something to the other party.

I also see a lot of posts along the lines of "don't let depression stop you from letting your friends help", or "my friends need to understand that when I don't respond or when I flake out, they should't get mad because I'm suffering from anxiety", etc. I guess it's not fair to say that those feelings and scenarios are invalid because I'm sure they are.

But, it does make me feel lousy, because there are no friends who want to help me. No one is bothered if I'm depressed because there's no one it affects. People don't invite me to do things so there's no one to let down. Y'know? Maybe knowing that people care wouldn't help that much if you know you have to feel bad about letting them down on top of it all, but it sure seems like it would be better than being alone!

banana, my experience of cause might be invalid to u, but
many people want to help, want to have u around, but they never know u want it, too. and they are trying to give u space, by not touching u, because they think they thought its want u asked for. verbally or not.
i am so anxious, and so ashamed of my issues, i never spoke 5 words about them to a single person, over decades. and some people i am coming out to, say THE HELL, S., why didnt u ask me! why didnt u tell u need help!! !!

its not ur fault they didnt know, and its not theirs, either. also, well. i am a very noisy person on the internet. which doesnt make me less of a terrorized 30 years old kid every time i need to start talking. overcompensate? trying to make sure i am understood, by using a ton of words? i feel comfy around people i know, people who's reactions i can gauge. i have had a lot of traumatic events of rejection, from a kid age and into recent. some people just dont give a damn, but some do.
finding them is a trial. people, who saved my life when i was suicidal, i never met them face to face. they live in different countries. and they managed to understand me enough to help me and greatly improve my life. NT, mind this.

someone is out threre. au, or nt, or something third, but they are broad-minded and ready to be friends even with most weird autistic psycho (i am referring to self). facing a threat of rejection is, well, i guess i dont need to specify. we know it. and u might not be ready to risk. i have risked, i have been blown multiple times, but i also found people, who are worth that risk. receiving sentiments of "rude, cold hearted, just a bad person", is heartbreaking. if u let them get to u. but then, u show that to good NTs u know, and they tell u how this is so wrong.

and then, there also is the uncanny valley. that place we all end up in, dealing with not-highly-intelligent or simply selfish NTs. they cant understand, they dont want to understand. they think, that if u behave like a hedgehog, u just dont feel emotions as they do. i like to think of them, as protected, uneducated and maybe also yong. not having faced a real trial, thus, not being able to sugest somebody else had. so ya, they do receive a frayed responce from an aspie in meltdown, triggered, hurt, spikey. and they think it was only meant to hurt them. because, selfish. and then they peg u as sub-human, because doing otherwise would mean, feeling badder about themselves. they are simply, deeply, subconsciously afraid of us, because they cannot decypher our behaviour. uncanny valley. its not like we should forgive them, but understanding that would make it hurt less.

when i came out to someone i had known for a long time, who had accepted me and my unstable, but filtered, masked behaviour, and i showed them the real me, with my vebrosity, my multystreaming, my well, everything i had hid, they described the feeling as "blurry. interesting. familliar". balm on my heart. acceptance.
yes, there had been other cases. friendly people who would evade me, because they know i have all sorts of triggers, they are afraid to hurt me accidently, so they simply avoid me, which hurts me, but they cant help it. they are afraid to talk to me, because a combination of autism and traumatic experience makes me a living infohazard. and they want something light, casual, not stenched with my pain. they dont want to think what flashback i could be having right now. and what simple word could trigger it. it hurts on its own, but well, we have to understand, and even forgive, self-preservation in other people. they are not sure their own psyche remains stable after such exposure, so they opt to save themselves. i cant and cannot blame them for it.

and then, there is another faucette of what i described above. survivor's guild in au\nt setting. they feel ashamed, that u suffer, and they dont. so they evade u, making u suffer more. it is not cool of them, but its instinctive. strong person would be by u. not so strong, will hide. and it cant and cannot be your fault, but it comes from u having this hurt in u. u can feel very angry at them for doing this to u, and it is only natural. u can hate them. i had. but then i took a shelter with people, who would have me around, even if i am as messed over as i am. who know that, while 1 word can send me spinning, 1 word can make me fly. and they are ready to give that 1 word. they would read all the huge walls of text i write to find which word i need. they are friends.

To be honest, I don't see much of a reason for NT's to have anxiety problems. They don't have to worry about being judged,possibly totally isolated,not be accepted by family,never being able to get a job due to differences,never being in a romantic relationship becasue of differences. Extroverted or most weird introverted NT'S don't have to deal with much rejection and the extreme few that may deal with rejection,atleast they have someone that understand them and accepts them for who they are.I know technically everyone can experience anxiety,however,they(NT'S) should be very grateful that they don't have to worry about total isolation,no one liking them,never being in any relationship,never getting employed,family like them becasue they're different,or being judge by almost every person, unlike the average Aspie.

Well, that's where you're incorrect, because NTs do face some of these things too, believe it or not.

From my own personal experiences, I was never accepted in school because I was so incredibly shy and had horrible social anxiety. It did not help that my parents moved me to a new school ever two or three years, and I had to go through the being the new kid in a new school over and over and over again. My parents were also poor, and so we had clothes from second-hand stores. Let me tell you how difficult it is to be both poor and socially awkward.

On top of all that, it's nearly impossible to be noticed if you're female and not conventionally attractive. It's cute how guys think it's so easy to be female, that all we have to do is show up and someone will ask us out. That is only true if you're physically attractive. If you're not, you are all but invisible. At best guys ignore you; at worst they are downright mean.

In later years, try growing up being an atheist in the middle of the buckle of the bible belt AND being a woman who has chosen to not have children. You think you're the only one who feels excluded, who doesn't get invited out to things? Who feels like the social pariah? Honey, you thought wrong.

I'm not discounting your difficulties - but if you think that all NTs have it so great for no other reason than they are NT, you are so very much mistaken. Human beings are basically tribal. If you are in any way outside of their cultural tribe, you may as well not exist.

believe me, being a female, who attracts male attention and cant handle it, is no better. i am glad i dont any more.
i'd rather not uncover details here, it might trigger somebody. i am not trying to diminish what u feel. everybody has a problem or 10, and not getting a date when u want one must be horrible. that one i had evaded. then again, do NT girls have it differently? they can be tons anxious about their looks and chances, too. same with NT guys. i understand, that i might have some things easier than the next person. and i had some other things harder. i am raising an NT kid here, how does that pan out? again, i am not meaning ur problems are less. they are yours, and mine might look like "hey, that person really needs to think more how lucky she is". just well, lets say if i got through a day without melting down, i got off lucky that day. one day we all will see a new rise. toast to that.

I'm similar to Luhluhluh - I am also NT, so I am sure when I say that even NTs can be social outcasts.
I was always bullied because I was so shy, could never stand up for myself and because I wore glasses. And of course, that made me even more shy. Those 8 years of elementary school were a living hell most of the time. It really hurt my self-esteem and even now if I am in a bad mood and remember all the bad stuff from school, tears come to my eyes and I get depressed. Now at 27, I can't say I have friends, real friends [I am actually not even sure anymore what a true friend really should be!], the few people I know are more like aquaintances that I meet from time to time for coffee and that's actually it. I am never the one who can initiate friendships, and the times when I can, it doesn't come easy. Also, I've never been in a relationship.

I'm not saying all this to compare myself with those of you who are autistic, but just to show that, in a way, you're not alone in all this. I mean, we're all human, and we all feel emotions and our personalities and experiences shape us.

a true friend is someone, who will be there for u. even if its only chat experience. someone, who will put an effort to understanding u. and then, launch an attack at ur deepest horrors and defeat them. someone who will not be grossed out, or weirded out. someone who is ready to be around u when everybody else is not. and ya, they will know when to push u and when to not. sometimes u need pushing, yep. but u gotta be open for it. if u shell all the way up, if u leave no opening, they wont be able to become ur friends. there allways is a risk, every time, but its a risk one has to take, if one wants to have friends)