Feeling like I don't always fit in

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I am always trying to fit in with everyone else who is not autistic, but I do get frustrated and feel like I'm not content with my own life because I haven't got what they have or not doing what they are doing or have done. I seem to feel at times that its a requirement and that I should do it otherwise I will not be content with life or feel a sense of fulfillment. For example, if I don't drive a car like they do I will be less of a man if I don't. I drive now but I still don't feel that content about it. A part of me is telling that I should be doing things that I seem to think other people are doing as though it is a requirement and another part tells me not to because it will make me feel like I'm missing out on the things I want to do in life. I even didn't always feel that comfortable fitting in social environments I went to with other autistic people even though I went to school and grew up with other autistic children but I now I feel I want to move on and mix in more with the non-autistic community. I don't feel comfortable being with other autistic adults when I might probably be the one of few mild ones there and others maybe severe than me, and it makes me uncomfortable when the people helping them talk to them like children and so they talk to me as well like someone who has to be careful of what he or she is doing and need help all the time. Some of this I mentioned probably in some way is like trying to compare myself to everyone else.

I used to feel like this. I eventually stopped thinking this way after realising that it's interesting to be different. I often compared myself to people who seemed to achieve a lot but were not particularly nice individuals. Having a relationship, a car or a decent job does not necessarily mean you are better than anyone else. You could have a person who is highly successful in his/her career but obnoxious otherwise. Also, at a time when nearly all people seem to be the exact same, be proud of yourself for being different! It is very refreshing!

You have spent most of your life with other autistic people and now desire to interact with NT’s. You need to realize this is going to take time effort and you probably will not fit in perfectly. If you moved to a different country it would take a lot of time to get acclimated and you still would not fit in perfectly. NT’s and Autistics are aliens to each other in a sense, that is why this site is called Wrong Planet. The preceding does not mean trying to interact with NT’s or wanting to move to another country is a bad thing just that you need to put the time and effort and you need to be doing it for good reasons. Doing it out of envy or because you think they are superior are the wrong reasons.

Compromising with other people is a good thing, compromising yourself is not. Here is a something about the NT world I have learned the hard way. NT’s won’t respect you and will take advantage of you if they see you are desperate to emulate them or win their freindship.

I fit in now with the groups I am in and people tell me I am a nice person with a lot to contribute to the various groups I'm in. However, I realize that, in the attainment of life goals, I'm far behind my peers. I can hold my own, and sometimes even take the lead, in intellectual discussions, but in terms of daily life, I don't know if I will even achieve one more of the goals I set for myself.

"Don't always" fit in, or "always don't"

Not everyone drives a car

Medical reasons
Financial reasons
Legal reasons (driver's license revoked)

Some areas have good public transportation and bad parking

Driving a car is a life skill

Even if you don't own a car or drive regularly, it is good to know:

Driver's licenses
Stick shift
Parallel parking
Driving in the snow
Repairs





But driving a car, just to fit in?

No


Cars cause a lot of pollution