Anyone hate it when people tell you how you feel

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neptunekh
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04 Dec 2018, 12:16 am

It pisses me off when people tell me how I feel: When I tell my mom I'm confused, and when she says I'm not that angers me. Also when she says the postal strike doesn't effect me, it actually does.
When I tell my sister I'm upset, and she says I'm not again that angers me.



HighLlama
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04 Dec 2018, 4:33 am

Yeah, it's annoying. I'm often told what I think or feel. Also, to be more assertive :)



Wolfram87
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04 Dec 2018, 4:39 am

A girl I had a thing for a bunch of years ago decided to tell me all about how she felt that I felt, and then tell me how she felt about feeling that I felt like that and then tell me that I need to stop feeling how she felt that I felt. Seeing as my input was apparently not required, I decided to walk away entirely.


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04 Dec 2018, 5:11 am

My mom does it to me all the time. Like I'll be slightly annoyed and she accuses me of being angry and then I actually get angry and she thinks that means she was right. :roll:



nick007
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04 Dec 2018, 6:18 am

Noone has ever told me how I feel but almost noone has ever asked me how I feel either. I would assume Aspies would like being told how they're feeling since lots tend to have a hard time identifying their own emotions/feelings.


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04 Dec 2018, 6:58 am

I hate it when people tell me not to worry about things that make me anxious like busy supermarkets. I know they mean well but it doesn't really help me feel less anxious. I don't like crowded shopping stores, period. So if I'm happy to avoid the crowds and go shopping at quieter times then people should respect that.
It's even worse when people who are avoidant of crowds too but get on to me about feeling anxious in crowds when they feel the same way. I mean, what the hell?

And yet Aspies are the ones who don't see things from other people's perspectives or understand how others feel. :?


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04 Dec 2018, 12:41 pm

I don't get that exact thing. Folks saying "you feel such and such" in so many words.

But I do get folks thinking I am lying, and projecting motives on me for lying. Putting reams of thoughts into my head that I don't have. Must be something I do that causes folks to think that I am lying. Or worse...they think I am lying when they don't even bother to figure out a motive(they are not only wrong that I am lying but in the situation I wouldn't even gain anything by lying). One of these days I am gonna buttonhole one of these people and say to them "since I am nicer than most people I will refrain from beating you to bloody pulp for calling me a liar, and wont even ask for an apology. But I would like an explanation for one thing: what do you image my motivation is for lying (since you thought I was lying)?" Actually I doubt that I could get away saying that, but I can dream of saying it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Dec 2018, 6:05 pm

Yes, and usually they tell me that "you got mad". Instead of telling me what they did, to make me "mad".

There are five emotions and "happy" is just one of them

They act like they know me better than I know myself

They act like they have a moral right to, never have to deal with any of emotions, just because they do not like , accept, or understand



Kiprobalhato
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04 Dec 2018, 6:44 pm

TW1ZTY wrote:
My mom does it to me all the time. Like I'll be slightly annoyed and she accuses me of being angry and then I actually get angry and she thinks that means she was right. :roll:


my entire family does htis.


parents everywhere should stop believing that they know how their children are feeling at all times. listen to them instead.


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04 Dec 2018, 8:33 pm

Of course.

Then people wonder why I'm not being 'open enough'. They don't understand that I'm too trustful and too open, that I have to close everything out and I barely had a way to defend myself.
They don't understand what truly upsets me, and that sometimes what upsets me isn't worth discussing let alone letting it out on another party.
They don't understand that my body doesn't move as they do, and my words doesn't work as they do -- and their context of things are wrong. Sometimes they don't understand that I'm fricking right here and I hear them all.
They don't understand that I'm not 'ready' for whatever they claim as 'empathy'.
That they don't understand that their 'empathy' would do nothing if not worse. They don't understand that my own encounter with 'empathy' would rather corrupt me, than enlighten me as they claim for they know not that I'm not ready for it.
They don't understand that words itself would just ruin it -- let alone talk about it -- that certain concepts are yet to be explained by my own terms, let alone expressed in their equivalent terms genuinely by translation.
They don't understand that as much as I'm not ready, I already long judged that it's not the right time for me to ever get emotional or even talk about my feelings whether I'm clueless about it or not. Especially for someone like me who happened to be known as 'moody' for most of my life.
They don't understand that if I open things up, everything may screw up and lash at them. They don't know that I have to hold back not only for my own sake of pride.
They don't understand why sometimes I have to forget that I don't like people and being human. Thus why attempts of prying my emotions out would be the last thing I want when they don't get a damn hint.
They don't understand that just because they felt something, that doesn't mean I have to feel the same way as they are. I thank myself for not follow this and not settle with faking it for them. I would rather be accused a liar or a weirdo than please them.

Especially that they don't understand that they can screw up no matter how much they claim to know that -- and may never realized that they blame me for it.

I'm sure that's not all of it.


And this is why people don't have to know -- and why I have to 'forgive' them for whatever conclusions they made.


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04 Dec 2018, 8:34 pm

Of course


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shortfatbalduglyman
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04 Dec 2018, 8:58 pm

It's mostly their attitude that they truly believe that they have a moral right to do whatever they want, and any reaction other than passive aggressive tolerance is "you got mad"



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05 Dec 2018, 1:39 am

Yeah, I hate it when someone tells me how I feel


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HighLlama
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05 Dec 2018, 3:56 am

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
It's mostly their attitude that they truly believe that they have a moral right to do whatever they want, and any reaction other than passive aggressive tolerance is "you got mad"


I hate that. I've been told before that it's okay to be mad, but when I get upset with people they tend to become upset in return. Then the expectation is that I console them, even though I was the one who was upset at what they did. Then people wonder why I tend to solve most problems on my own :)



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05 Dec 2018, 9:11 am

Your emotions are your own, if someone is telling you what you're feeling it's so disrespectful and patronizing!



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05 Dec 2018, 9:47 am

I don't like the whole idea that somebody "should" feel a certain way. I really don't like the word "feel." I know what I believe to be true. Not that I don't have emotions or compassion-I do. People telling me how I "feel" is annoying, however.