Having trouble with meltdowns

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My family and I went to a shopping mall to have the yearly picture with Santa and the pressure of waiting 2 hours in a really long line crowded with many people got to me. I warned my mom that I wasn't feeling super comfortable and she told me to suck it up. Fast forward to when we're almost in front of the line and I'm ready to break down in tears so I'm looking around trying to distract myself (I'm absolutely terrible holding in any emotion except anger). My mom looks over to see me like this and threatens not to help me with my boyfriend's gift (it's his birthday tommorow) so I better smile when we take pictures. I get super anxious and cry with my bangs in my eyes hoping less people notice.

Now I have the worst Christmas picture with me crying it and that makes me sob even more. While getting the copies she hastily pulls out a Kleenex and tells me not to ask her if I need any help. I try to fast walk away to find a bathroom and clean up but my mom already can tell and goes after me giving the speech that she tells me every time a meltdown happens and it escalates (You can't do this at a job, they'll fire you so I'm not sure if you'll ever be employed and or keep a job. I'm currently taking a gap-year from college to learn how to take care of me and learn adult stuff better.). This obviously doesn't help and I end up being bullied by my two younger siblings throughout the entire time crying as well. I'm a young adult and I'm not 100% sure how to deal with but I need help before it happens again.

That's rough, and I'm sorry to hear it happened to you.

There are some clear problems with your mom's approach.

She clearly wants you to mask, for 2 hours, in an oppressive environment, and then to be happy for a photo. Interpreting charitably, she thinks the practice is for your future benefit, but she misses the fact that you'd have been just fine and dandy if you had been allowed to spend that time in a library.

Has your mom learned about the price we pay for masking, what it is, and how it's caused by the social expectations of the neurotypical majority? You mom seems to place herself on their side, and I find that disappointing. I wonder whether she just wants to mold you into the shape of someone you weren't born to be, and I fear she risks doing you a great disservice by doing so.

She also missed the opportunity to to give you a fair accommodation such as letting you wear earplugs ( keep some in a bag if you can, and if it helps - never know when you'll need them) or to retreat for a while and to come back when she was closer to the head of the line.

It's true that part of asking more from life sometimes means choosing to put ourselves in adverse situations, because that's the neurotypical reality which often prevails. If your mom truly has your best interests at heart, it's time for her to understand that this always comes at a cost. The effort should be acknowledged, and balanced with opportunities to rest and recover.

Also remember, though some workplaces are like that, there are also supportive ones where you can find peace and love for your work.

Try hard, and get ready to command one of those jobs with your skills.

Perhaps this might be of limited help.. in your description of your mom, I think I recognize the character of someone you wouldn't want to print and show this post, as much as she would much better honor her relationship with you and any authority she still holds over you, if she did seek a better approach.

A lot of us here have been through similar experiences. We hope and wish that things will be better in the future. In time, surround yourself with people and situations that nurture the true you.

All the best.

Why on earth are you going for a picture with Santa, at age 18? I'm not saying that as a putdown, I just want to understand.

Your mom definitely doesn't understand what you're dealing with. She might even think she's helping you, but she isn't.

The problem you are dealing with is stress overload. You body stores stress energy and it is cumulative in nature. When it gets too great, you experience a meltdown. There are many different approaches to treating stress. In the case of a meltdown, when you detect that you are approaching that state, one technique that can help is deep breathing.

As panic begins to set in, you will find that your breathing becomes shallow. This means that carbon dioxide in your lungs are not properly expelled. The increase in carbon dioxide levels in your lungs trigger a signal to the brain that then further drives you into a panic state. But if you concentrate on breathing deeply, it will clear out your lungs and stabilize you.

Since you are taking a year off from college to learn to deal with the meltdown condition, I will add one book to your required reading list this year:

In An Unspoken Voice by Peter A. Levine.

It is not a book written necessarily for Aspies but rather it is a book to learn how to deal with stress, like the wounded warriors who return home from battle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and those that survive major natural disasters. In a sense you are like a wounded warrior and you need to recover and get back on your feet.

Some psych meds can sometimes help with preventing meltdowns. I found I have a lot less since I started psych meds. I recommend talking to a doc/psych about the meltdowns.