Does anyone else feel weak for having to take meds?

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Hi. So a bit of background information: I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety at the age of 14 and attended the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) for 2 years. During this time, I had to take Fluoxetine in liquid form and even though it helped, I hated taking it bc it made me feel weak. I never thought I would find myself back on it.

That was, until this year. This year has been so incredibly hard for me. At the beginning of this year, my cousin died of cancer and I went back to therapy. I have spent most of this year being treated for symptoms of OCD, but never being formally diagnosed with it bc the system in my country sucks. The spring and the summer were the worst. All I wanted to do was kill myself, or at least go back to self-harm. But thankfully, I didn't do anything. Because of all of this, in May, I was put back on Fluoxetine, this time in pill form bc I'm now an adult. I felt so pathetic and weak for being put back on them and I just hoped that I'd be able to come off them by the end of the year. But it's the end of the year now and yesterday, my doctor upped my dose. I feel horrible, like I've failed and I just wanna know if anyone can relate to this feeling. I tell people around me and all they have to say is "well, you have to take them" like yeah, I know that. But it still makes me feel awful, like I'm so pathetic for not being able to be happy or even stable on my own, idk. I just wanna talk to someone that can maybe relate.

I can tell you that I felt the same way and I was in the exact same position that you are in now. Today, I am currently taking 150mg of sertraline (Zoloft) daily and I no longer feel that strongly about it as I once did. I had struggled with severe OCD symptoms for about two years before I finally caved in and had no other choice, and, thankfully, I credit the medication for probably saving my life as I was close to just ending it all. I am very sorry you have had to deal with it too, and I am very sorry for your loss.

The fact of the matter is, taking medication, actually, ANY medication doesn't make you weak. This is something I thought I would never say. To be able to have come out on top and have a better life (albeit with some very hard times) is worth more to me now than the reluctance I first felt to taking the medication. You have not failed in any way, shape, or form, and the fact that you are sticking with the medication proves you are stronger than anyone else who is blessed enough to feel happy without needing it. Your brain was not wired correctly in order to carry out necessary functioning, and that is not because of your own inability to be happy or stable. As for those who say you "have" to take it, you really do not, unless you want to live, just as if a patient with Stage 4 cancer stopped their treatment. Nobody has to do anything in this world, but we do the things we do because we want to stay and feel alive. I know and remember how hard it was at first, as I felt as if I had completely failed, and like you this only made me feel worse. I am so sorry about this; that you are going through the shame as well. All I can tell you is that this feeling dissipated as I saw all of what I had felt and missed out on because of severe OCD and depression was far worse to look back on than my resistance to getting something I needed. I can't even begin to recall how unhappy and distressed I was. The whole world became like a horror movie, and I was just stuck, trapped in it, with no way to escape.

When I started taking sertraline, things started to change. Within days others started to notice a change, and I too would feel it within the coming months. I still struggle with OCD every single day, but I can live my life now, and that is an exceptional thing. Taking medication isn't a shameful circumstance for me anymore. It is almost as if OCD threw that thought at me too so I would never be happy, but it was so worth it to experience the joy that I haven't felt for years. You are anything but pathetic, and I wish someone would have told me this when I was suffering so much. I hope you can one day look back on this, and know that you were never alone in feeling guilty, but that the guilt was not worth the pain.

-Stampy

I hope you will benefit from the stories of others in your situation.

You are not a hopeless case. Many people have beat this thing. Many others have at least improved significantly.

I am grateful for all the medications I take. They improve my quality of life and health.

I was very reluctant to take meds and for years wondered why I bothered because I was still doing things like taking overdoses and self harming.

But in 2013 during a hospital stay, the doctors got it right even though for a few weeks I was battling side effects. After everything settled regarding my meds (took six months because I stopped Seroquel, the weight gain med), I felt a lot better. At first I didn't want to admit it because I was so used to being mentally ill and thought I was stuck that way. But after five years, I have to credit the medication because my circumstances haven't changed much. s**t still happens but I'm going through life dealing with it as it comes. I'm doing a lot better all round.

I think your making the decision to take meds is a brave one. I've known people who come home with the prescription and just throw it away. Or, buy the medication and only take one tablet. True!

I've been diagnosed with dyslexia & ADD since kindergarten. I received accommodation in skewl as a result of that & because of physical disabilities that were not correctly diaongosed till my senior year of high-skewl. When I had a mental breakdown at 20 over my 1st relationship ending, I knew I needed help & I saw meds & other treatment as like receiving an accommodation with my mental health. Cripples do better having weelchairs than dragging themselves on the floor with their hands & I do better having psych meds than struggling with my many mental issues.

I don't think I could survive without my bipolar medication. Thinking about the things I did before I got help scares me...

No. If anything, I see myself as stronger than people who don’t need medicine, as they don’t have any idea what I have to put up with.

You aren’t weak. Medicine isn’t to help soft people cope. It’s to help sick people be more like everyone more fortunate.

No. Because I get weak without my meds and cannot functioning with out them. And because I have a say in weather or not I take them. When I was a kid, I was forced to take Ritalin, even though it f****d me over. I then forced to take a whole laundry list of medicine that did not help but no one would listen or take me seriously because I was just a kid.

There are two dimensions of feeling bad on meds:
1. Meds can make one physically weak. I expirienced it to the extreme when I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia and given risperidone. My body was just a heap of flesh I barely controlled. Awful thing.
2. The fact of taking meds may make one feel a failure.

I'm not sure which one you mean. If the first, you should likely consider looking for other antidepressants. Your organism may react that way to fluoxetine but maybe not to escitalopram? It would be worth trying.
If you mean the second option, well, the only thing I can say is - you are not alone. I can't stop taking my drugs, too. I get very bad if I try.
I just think of it - if I had diabetes, I would need to take my drugs and be careful about some things. My friend with psoriatic arthritis needs to take his meds and be careful not to overload his joints. It's just another kind of chronic disease to live with.

When I'm on meds I feel like I don't need them. (Because they are working) Then I quit taking them.
When I quit taking them, though, I feel like a failure as a human being. I can't function. Then I put myself back on meds. It's a vicious cycle. I feel weak when I'm not on meds.

One good thing about having to take meds is that I can blame it on other people when they are being total morons.

"People like you are the reason people like me are on medication".